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I may have done something that will hurt Duckie
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 64688" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>There is some primitive mommy instinct that comes out when one feels one's child will be ostracized/shunned/left out. I know it well. The degree of emotion one feels is far larger than the individual event warrents. Intellectually I understood but that instinct to protect and nurture one's own is strong. </p><p></p><p>The good thing is that often the honeymoon will be over when the situation changes. Once school starts they may not have as much in common. They will drift apart. Maybe.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Secondly, Duckie will have a series of events where she will not have control over what other people do in relationship to what she wants. It's a gradual learning process. You aren't going to be able to out think and manuever and accomodate to the point of easing the dissatisfaction and meltdown. On the other had I'm big on planning.</p><p></p><p>Plan in the event that Duckie meltsdown or whatever her reaction may be. Plan how to turn it into a teaching moment and how to have her view it in the big scheme of things. You don't want to alter life events but teach her how to cope with them and how to put them in proper perspective. </p><p></p><p>My example would be easy child being called a not so pleasant name at 11 on the school bus(which is common, evidently) easy child wondered if maybe he was what they called him. I suggested that if he didn't know why would he give his peers who knew less than him that much credit. We loved him and we would accept him for whatever path he chose but to not ever let other people have that much input or control over how he felt about himself. </p><p>Believe me I was in full warrior mom stance but I tried to swallow it and do what was best for easy child at the time. Behind the scenes I spoke to the guidance counselor and school to make them aware of what was happening on the bus. easy child carried his feelings that a lot of the "jocks" thought less of him than average but he also had to deal. I didn't fix it even though I wanted to rip heads. I did help him learn and understand on a deeper level. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to Duckie but more so to you. Look at what Duckie needs and go in that direction.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 64688, member: 3"] There is some primitive mommy instinct that comes out when one feels one's child will be ostracized/shunned/left out. I know it well. The degree of emotion one feels is far larger than the individual event warrents. Intellectually I understood but that instinct to protect and nurture one's own is strong. The good thing is that often the honeymoon will be over when the situation changes. Once school starts they may not have as much in common. They will drift apart. Maybe. Secondly, Duckie will have a series of events where she will not have control over what other people do in relationship to what she wants. It's a gradual learning process. You aren't going to be able to out think and manuever and accomodate to the point of easing the dissatisfaction and meltdown. On the other had I'm big on planning. Plan in the event that Duckie meltsdown or whatever her reaction may be. Plan how to turn it into a teaching moment and how to have her view it in the big scheme of things. You don't want to alter life events but teach her how to cope with them and how to put them in proper perspective. My example would be easy child being called a not so pleasant name at 11 on the school bus(which is common, evidently) easy child wondered if maybe he was what they called him. I suggested that if he didn't know why would he give his peers who knew less than him that much credit. We loved him and we would accept him for whatever path he chose but to not ever let other people have that much input or control over how he felt about himself. Believe me I was in full warrior mom stance but I tried to swallow it and do what was best for easy child at the time. Behind the scenes I spoke to the guidance counselor and school to make them aware of what was happening on the bus. easy child carried his feelings that a lot of the "jocks" thought less of him than average but he also had to deal. I didn't fix it even though I wanted to rip heads. I did help him learn and understand on a deeper level. Hugs to Duckie but more so to you. Look at what Duckie needs and go in that direction. [/QUOTE]
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