I miss my house and my old, quiet life. I miss my backyard patio and my grape vines and all the little wild flowers that would spring up unexpectedly. I had my son J to handle, but that was all. I had a good career, and I was finally getting back to my artistic endeavors that I had set aside when J was young. I had lost both parents to separate tragic events, and I was so lonely. husband was a widower with two young boys at home. He had the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I thought maybe we could bring happiness back to each other's lives. Time flew fast and before we knew it we were blending families and my little, beautiful, peaceful house was left behind. The house of chaos is large and someone is always throwing a temper tantrum, or yelling or fighting. Stress permiates the air, and I am fairly certain you can see it from the street, oozing out of the windows and the doors. J hates it here. He had his issues to deal with prior to coming here, but the stress of this place always has him on edge, so he never stays around very long. SS10 is mostly the cause of all this agitation. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, sleep disorder, anxiety disorder, attachment disorder and the emotional growth of a three year old. He lies about everything and is defiant, disruptive, manipulative, etc. He has to have it his way or he will throw a tantrum. He does not believe the rules apply to him, and he constantly rejects authority. He manipulates everything and will only tell you what he thinks you need to know. There is always much more to the story than what he is telling you. He has no friends because he bullies everyone. He picks and picks and picks until he has you so infuriated that after a couple of years, I am constantly running to get away from him. The sound of his voice makes the hair on my neck stand up. husband and I get along fine. The only thing we argue about is SS10. SS6 and I get along fine. He is a dream of easiness compared to his brother. It had become so stressful that I quit working because my work was very demanding and I couldn't keep up with everything because my personal life had blown up out of control. The school was always calling about SS10, or the teacher was emailing, or the nurse calling us to come get him due to some fake illness, or he had to go to counseling appointments, etc. Then there was J's issues with drugs and the law and trying desperately to get him to graduation, so his school advisor and I were texting daily. At one point I was soft and understanding, but now I have become rigid and unflexible. I dread the daily battle I know I'm going to have to deal with. I don't like this. Somewhere along the way I forgot how to let it all go. I feel like I'm locked in a saran wrap of negativity and there is no hope of breaking free. How do I swing back the other way? How do I find that quiet peace I had when it was just me and J.