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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabethanne" data-source="post: 654482" data-attributes="member: 18933"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/unsure.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":unsure:" title="unsure :unsure:" data-shortname=":unsure:" /></p><p>Any family member or friend that wants to make you wrong, when you know that you are a kind, giving, caring person is NOT someone you need to spendanother minute worrying about.</p><p>My very bff of 40+ years just reminded me of this yesterday, and it really helped me.</p><p></p><p>I was telling her about how I recently supported my former landlady/turned friend before during and after her mother passed away (she passed away 14 months ago). Landlady and "Mom" became my new surrogate family the moment I became their tenant in my cute little cottage on the water. After 5 years, we became very bonded--new sister, second Mom. With their Italian heritage (100% Sicilian), came an open door, wonderful food, much love and acceptance...and might I add, much drama! I witnessed some highs and lows between the two of them, let me just say that. Mom had Alzheimer's, but was a lovely soul, funny, and loved me like a daughter.</p><p></p><p>Long story short, landlady/friend blew through lots of family money, lost home, Mom passed away and she wound up with no money, and 3 big Labs and a cat to feed. I was with her day and night (holding Mom's along with her, when she passed), and helped in every way I could, except giving her money. Extended family and friends gave her money. I saw her squander money for years as a tenant and I made a decision not to give money support. I did assist her in finding work as I am an employment counselor. Her grief over losing everything completely paralyzed her and the dogs made it impossible for her to hold down a job. She shut me out and told her cousin I didn't help her in her need. She packed up the dogs after being evicted from an 8 plex she once owned and left town to stay with friends temporarily, 2 hours away. She chose not to tell me, not to ask for help moving and not to say goodbye. Her cousin asked , "what do you want me to tell elizabethanne if she asks where you are?". She told her cousin, "I don't care what you tell her, tell her I died".</p><p></p><p>I do care about my friend and I showed it in many ways--as the two of you care(ed) about your sisters.</p><p>But we can choose to not spend a lifetime trying to defend or prove our love for others, including our children.</p><p>My bff reminded me that I am a loving person who is anything but abandoning, unkind or "bad friend".</p><p>To Copa and Somewhere:<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p><p>PS Wish me luck--I reached out to friend to see how she is and she agreed to talk to me this weekend. She may hear some things from me that make her feel further betrayed. If she chooses to manipulate and attempts to make me wrong again, I'm out. Don't have time for "friends" like that! Sometimes we have to just say, <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/victorious.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":victorious:" title="victorious :victorious:" data-shortname=":victorious:" /> "Peace Out!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabethanne, post: 654482, member: 18933"] :unsure: Any family member or friend that wants to make you wrong, when you know that you are a kind, giving, caring person is NOT someone you need to spendanother minute worrying about. My very bff of 40+ years just reminded me of this yesterday, and it really helped me. I was telling her about how I recently supported my former landlady/turned friend before during and after her mother passed away (she passed away 14 months ago). Landlady and "Mom" became my new surrogate family the moment I became their tenant in my cute little cottage on the water. After 5 years, we became very bonded--new sister, second Mom. With their Italian heritage (100% Sicilian), came an open door, wonderful food, much love and acceptance...and might I add, much drama! I witnessed some highs and lows between the two of them, let me just say that. Mom had Alzheimer's, but was a lovely soul, funny, and loved me like a daughter. Long story short, landlady/friend blew through lots of family money, lost home, Mom passed away and she wound up with no money, and 3 big Labs and a cat to feed. I was with her day and night (holding Mom's along with her, when she passed), and helped in every way I could, except giving her money. Extended family and friends gave her money. I saw her squander money for years as a tenant and I made a decision not to give money support. I did assist her in finding work as I am an employment counselor. Her grief over losing everything completely paralyzed her and the dogs made it impossible for her to hold down a job. She shut me out and told her cousin I didn't help her in her need. She packed up the dogs after being evicted from an 8 plex she once owned and left town to stay with friends temporarily, 2 hours away. She chose not to tell me, not to ask for help moving and not to say goodbye. Her cousin asked , "what do you want me to tell elizabethanne if she asks where you are?". She told her cousin, "I don't care what you tell her, tell her I died". I do care about my friend and I showed it in many ways--as the two of you care(ed) about your sisters. But we can choose to not spend a lifetime trying to defend or prove our love for others, including our children. My bff reminded me that I am a loving person who is anything but abandoning, unkind or "bad friend". To Copa and Somewhere::notalone: :staystrong: PS Wish me luck--I reached out to friend to see how she is and she agreed to talk to me this weekend. She may hear some things from me that make her feel further betrayed. If she chooses to manipulate and attempts to make me wrong again, I'm out. Don't have time for "friends" like that! Sometimes we have to just say, :victorious: "Peace Out!" [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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