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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654496" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p><em>Cedar, Please see above. i do not know how to make quotes so as to have a dialog with your message. Can somebody tell me how? For now, I will use italics.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Part of my pathology is believing I am responsible when things go wrong.</em></p><p></p><p>Wow, Cedar...this is me, too.</p><p></p><p>So brilliant and strong: ***Cedar, I am not there yet.</p><p><em>It is never wrong to try. You could even say something so simply true as "I just wanted to hear your voice." It doesn't do us much good to pretend we can make it through the troubles and into the relationship both sisters, in their secret hearts, want.That doesn't mean we mean nothing to one another.</em></p><p></p><p><em>That is your sister. Of course you love her. She is witness to your life. That is a rare thing, in this high speed world of ours. Without her, there is a piece missing in you.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>OK. We are getting somewhere, here. I feel I deserve her punishment, because I judged her most of our lives, and did not give her a chance to have a relationship with me. I feared her. I felt I did not have the skills and protections to have a reciprocal relationship with her. </p><p></p><p>I can see that now with my mother dead, my sister is the only tie to the past, to my story, and particularly to my Mother. </p><p></p><p>My mother loved her so much, and my sister abandoned my mother at the end. My mother knew this and in her final days grieved this so much. As if she could not wrap her mind around the fact that her youngest girl, who she had tried to love and protect, treated her this way. I almost could not bear my mother;s pain. I tried to tell her, Mama. Please do not not suffer so. Please. </p><p></p><p>She replied, "you would, I know you would." I shut my mouth. I knew she had to say the words out loud and that I had to bear them. My Mother said to me, "Susie, you always told me she was like this and I didn't believe you." What could I say, I smiled a sad smile, as if to say: Mama, it's okay. This is the way life is. There is no other life, than this. Let's forgive her and each other, Mama. </p><p></p><p>In those unsaid words, everything that had to be said, was said. I just have to grow into this. I am not there yet. I feel so sad now I have to stop.</p><p></p><p>Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654496, member: 18958"] [I]Cedar, Please see above. i do not know how to make quotes so as to have a dialog with your message. Can somebody tell me how? For now, I will use italics. Part of my pathology is believing I am responsible when things go wrong.[/I] Wow, Cedar...this is me, too. So brilliant and strong: ***Cedar, I am not there yet. [I]It is never wrong to try. You could even say something so simply true as "I just wanted to hear your voice." It doesn't do us much good to pretend we can make it through the troubles and into the relationship both sisters, in their secret hearts, want.That doesn't mean we mean nothing to one another.[/I] [I]That is your sister. Of course you love her. She is witness to your life. That is a rare thing, in this high speed world of ours. Without her, there is a piece missing in you. [/I] OK. We are getting somewhere, here. I feel I deserve her punishment, because I judged her most of our lives, and did not give her a chance to have a relationship with me. I feared her. I felt I did not have the skills and protections to have a reciprocal relationship with her. I can see that now with my mother dead, my sister is the only tie to the past, to my story, and particularly to my Mother. My mother loved her so much, and my sister abandoned my mother at the end. My mother knew this and in her final days grieved this so much. As if she could not wrap her mind around the fact that her youngest girl, who she had tried to love and protect, treated her this way. I almost could not bear my mother;s pain. I tried to tell her, Mama. Please do not not suffer so. Please. She replied, "you would, I know you would." I shut my mouth. I knew she had to say the words out loud and that I had to bear them. My Mother said to me, "Susie, you always told me she was like this and I didn't believe you." What could I say, I smiled a sad smile, as if to say: Mama, it's okay. This is the way life is. There is no other life, than this. Let's forgive her and each other, Mama. In those unsaid words, everything that had to be said, was said. I just have to grow into this. I am not there yet. I feel so sad now I have to stop. Copa [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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