I Must Be Crazy

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I haven't talked to my heroine addicted best friend in months. Just got to the point where I couldn't listen to the "but I want to be clean" while in the next breath she admitted to selling her saboxone (sp) to continue to shoot up.

    I just have major issues watching someone I love slowly killing themselves.:mad:

    She called me yesterday. She usually calls me when she's sober either for another shot at getting clean, or no money to buy. For months I've not been picking up the phone. Last night I did.

    Same old song and dance. She asked me to please come and see her and we set a time for tonight.

    So......... I did. I haven't seen her in person in ages. OMG she looks awful.:(

    This woman has no money. Is living off of welfare and very little child support. And I kid you not her mother is going to enable her to death. Her mother actually gives her 40 bucks a day to do heroine!! Cuz she thinks it's better than the god only knows what amount the many more hits a day that friend was doing before. While friend uses the script drugs she gets from the psychiatrist to sell to buy more of the heroine.

    Not having a clue why I was doing it, I went over tonight.

    I am not at all nice about her addiction or behavior related to the addiction. I don't mince words. I don't sugar coat anything. We talked for a long time. Friend is always honest, and I always know way more than I ever really want to know about a person's drug addicted life.

    Friend still swears she wants to be clean. It scares her to death, but she wants it. Can't go to her family because while they treat her like scum under their shoe, they also hand her money they know will be spent on more drugs. A vicious cycle and honestly I don't believe they'll ever get a clue.

    The only "help" she's getting is thru county mental health and as far as addiction goes........they hoover. Her group therapist for addiction has them doing Anger Management, they never talk about their addiction. Never.

    So I told Friend if she is serious, she'll go to an NA meeting with me. Sunday night 7:30pm right down the street from her. Friend said if I will go with her, she'll go. No backing out.

    I've been trying to get her to go since last year. Told her I'd go every week if she'd go with me.

    Friend said yes.

    I'm not getting my hopes up.

    She wanted to call her Mom and tell her. I told her NO. This is between her and me. Why call the person who is not only enabling you to use and sabotaging you and tell them? What's the point? Told Friend she can't do this for me, can't do it for her Mom, her family, nor even her boys, has to be because this is what she wants to do to save herself. Told her that I know every disgusting, dispicable, low life thing she's ever done (and omg I do!) and I still think she is worth saving. That as long as she tries, I'll be right beside her 100 percent giving her moral support.

    I don't know if she'll make it. But if she goes with me sunday it will be a step in the right direction.

    This woman has lived thru hades on earth. Her soon to be ex is a bonafide psychopath who spent 14 plus years doing whatever he could think of to distroy Friend. Now that she is all but dead in his opinion, he's moved on to the next victim. This on top of a very traumatic childhood. So she has other issues to deal with other than just the drugs.

    I hope she makes it. Clean and sober and away from her ex she is an amazing person.

    So if she's willing, looks like my sunday nights will be booked from here on out.

    Like I said, I must be crazy.
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Lisa -

    What do you do? You have a friend that you care about that is asking for help. You have to give it a shot. Could you live with yourself otherwise?

    I hope she goes with you. I truly hope this is her first step in the right direction.

  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical


    First, no you are not crazy. You are a caring wonderful person that is looking at the person your friend could be and has been and are willing to try and get her back to that person. You also see reality so you aren't walking into it blind. Which is a very good thing.

    Sometimes when you have a friend or loved one that is destroying their own lives you want so badly to help but just don't know what to do. You do a good job at protecting yourself in this.

    I think sometimes because we with difficult children find more compassion and reality than so many others. I know a lot of people with difficult children don't find that, I am talking about our kind of folks. I know that may sound strange but it follows with another post that we see things differently than other folks do sometimes.

    I hope your friend does go to the meeting. It would be a wonderful step in the right direction. Whatever happens though you have done and continue to do the right things for yourself and for her.

    Many hugs to you. I know that you have a great deal on your plate with all the other things in your life. Just know that you have support on this.

  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK Lisa, truth time.

    Yes, you are a loving friend. Yes, you are doing what I probablywould do - offering to go to NA with her.

    But although you know all the despicable things she has done, you still don't know it all. And I strongly believe - she has learnt, years ago, to work out what people want to her, and tell that to them. If you could compare notes with all the people in her life you would find other things you don't currently suspect.

    When she's talking to you, she wants to quit. Honestly. It's all she wants. But when she's with her mother, she needs to score. Not to increase her dose, just enough to stop her from going into really nasty withdrawal. Or maybe her mother doesn't realise it's for heroin. Although from what you say about her background - who knows? But 40 bucks a day won't buy enough heroin to keep a really serious addict happy. There's a lot more to that, than I think you are being told.

    She wanted to call her mother and tell her. So right away, she's not making the choice to go to NA for herself, she is still trying to make other people happy. She tells you what she thinks you expect/want to hear in order to keep you happy; she wants to call her mother and let her know about the decision to go to NA, to make her mother happy. You did the right thing to reinforce that she must do this for herself.

    By all means go along with her, but this will be VERY difficult for her, there is a lot more to her story than I tihnk she has told you and at some point she is going to have to let go these last secrets. That won't be easy for her. Denial is just a river in Egypt for some people.

    Go carefully, don't let yourself get hurt.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    you are a really good friend. Far better than many people can even dream of being.

    NOT because you will go to NA with her. Because you don't sugar coat things or tolerate unacceptable behaviors around you.

    I hope she goes. But I agree with Marg, you probably don't know quite a bit of what is going on. Or has gone on in the past.

    It is a wonderful gift to have you as her friend. She is blessed.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thanks Marg. I know there is much she's not telling me. But this is a small town. I don't have to see/talk to her to know what she's up to. I know she manipulates. But doesn't tell me what I want to hear because she knows I can see thru it and I call her on it.

    The 40 bucks is from her Mom......that's not counting all her script medications she's sold thru the day (she has ppl lined up to buy for each day of the week) to pay for the rest. That her mother doesn't know, or doesn't want to know. Or the countless other things she does to get her fix. Let's just say at the point she's at now.....there isn't much beneath her, she'll do anything. :(

    She was wearing a tank top and shorts. Used to be she'd try to hide it from the kids. You'd have to be blind not to see the tract marks, they're everywhere. She's "smoking" her ambien when she can't get heroine.

    There is more.......but I'd end up writing a book. sigh

    Taking her to NA is no skin off my nose. I've been to meetings with other friends in the past. I don't give money, heck I don't give her anything because of the risk it will be sold for drugs.

    But I figure I can offer to do this one small thing for her, and not be enabling her. I won't get hurt. I hate that I have to be careful around her......but believe me, I am.

    Beth, I hope it helps too. I dunno if it will. I'm not trying to be her savior.....I just want to get her to people who might be able to help her find her way because county mental health is doing nothing.

    Heck......it may be come sunday she won't even remember the conversation. So, I'll have to wait and see.
  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    You are a good friend. I'm not sure I would have stuck around as long as you have. I hope she goes and gets clean. From what I understand, heroin is the hardest drug to kick.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Not crazy - HOPEFUL and KIND and LOVING. You're doing the right thing, not only by agreeing to go with her, but for believing in her. You're a good egg, Lisa. I hope she goes and sticks with it.
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Lisa! There's a show on tv called "Intervention". At the end of each episode, they tell you to contact them if you know someone who needs help.

    I don't want to sound cruel, but your friend seems to have all of the history that would be a compelling episode. Why not contact them and see if they'd help?


    It very well may be worth a shot considering her mom is enabling and her sons HAVE to want a "real" mom in their lives.

    FWIW, I think you're awesome for maintaining a sort of "hovering" friendship with this woman!