M
ML
Guest
I don't have anything else to add except that I agree with the basic sentiment here. GO and stay just as long as you can respectfully manage. I'm so sorry for your hurting heart. Love and hugs, ML
I need a few caring people to just listen...
- Thread starter ThreeShadows
- Start date
ThreeShadows
Quid me anxia?
Thank you, thank you, thank you, I don't feel so alone and confused any more!
I keep on hoping for The Miracle Of Maturity, including my own...I raised this boy almost single handedly. I do have the right to be at his wedding.
I keep on hoping for The Miracle Of Maturity, including my own...I raised this boy almost single handedly. I do have the right to be at his wedding.
Another voice encouraging you to go. Show how classy and great you are by being as sweet and charming as possible. learning how to make "Thank You" genuine thanks, "F" You", flirting, and three other things is a good place to start if you need some help with the southern charm thing.
Southern women really ARE steel magnolias. Watch The Closer (esp the first season), Steel Magnolias and Designing Women if you need help. Fried Green Tomatoes is also an EXCELLENT reference for this (and my favorite movie of all time!).
By being there, polite, happy for your son, taking part as mother of the groom (maybe insist on a red velvet armadillo cake for the groom's cake - I will even bake it for you!), and always, ALWAYS being polite and gracious to those women and everyone else, you will be remembered by the other guests for your charm.
Phrases like "I am so sorry you feel that way." and "Oh, what a shame!" can also be useful. For those who pretend they are in pain I LOVE my gfgbro's phrase, "Oh, sweetie, it will feel better when it stops hurting!" is awesome! (We always seem to have one of these at events.)
I am so sorry it seems like he is testing you. He may be. Mostly he is showing his ignorance and low living. Show your class and high standards and then go home and get drunk and eat too much dessert.
I am serious about the cake. Imagine a big, gray cake shaped like an armadillo that has bright red velvet cake inside so it looks like it is bleeding when it is cut. That would put a chuckle on anyone's face, wouldn't it?
Southern women really ARE steel magnolias. Watch The Closer (esp the first season), Steel Magnolias and Designing Women if you need help. Fried Green Tomatoes is also an EXCELLENT reference for this (and my favorite movie of all time!).
By being there, polite, happy for your son, taking part as mother of the groom (maybe insist on a red velvet armadillo cake for the groom's cake - I will even bake it for you!), and always, ALWAYS being polite and gracious to those women and everyone else, you will be remembered by the other guests for your charm.
Phrases like "I am so sorry you feel that way." and "Oh, what a shame!" can also be useful. For those who pretend they are in pain I LOVE my gfgbro's phrase, "Oh, sweetie, it will feel better when it stops hurting!" is awesome! (We always seem to have one of these at events.)
I am so sorry it seems like he is testing you. He may be. Mostly he is showing his ignorance and low living. Show your class and high standards and then go home and get drunk and eat too much dessert.
I am serious about the cake. Imagine a big, gray cake shaped like an armadillo that has bright red velvet cake inside so it looks like it is bleeding when it is cut. That would put a chuckle on anyone's face, wouldn't it?
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
3S, I am so sorry that you're being tested like this. And I wholeheartedly agree with all the others that you should go, hold your head high, and be so gracious that they will choke on it.
The British "stiff upper lip" seems to fit in perfectly with the Southern Steel Magnolia in the kill-them-with-kindness battalion. Here are a few choice phrases from my play book:
If met with bragging: "How NICE for you."
If met with insult: "Oh dear." or "Let's have no unpleasantness. This is a joyful occasion." or "I'm sure the children don't want to dredge THAT up. It'll make them look bad on THEIR day."
If met with sarcastic comments: Misinterpret them at face value, as a compliment wherever possible. React as though the comment was sincere, not sarcastic.
I don't know if these horrible people tend to grill you with questions that put you on the spot. If they do, just remember, you never owe them an answer. They key is to say something that sounds like an answer, but gives no information whatsoever. Answer the question you want to answer, rather than the one they asked.
A non-related example, someone recently asked me what my husband weighs (because of his significant weight loss, I guess). I replied, "He's fit as a fiddle. Looks great, doesn't he?" I answered something, and the person felt like he got an answer, but I didn't give away any information.
Whatever you do, do NOT let them see that they've caused you pain and tears. Tormenting someone is just no fun at all when the tormented person doesn't play along with the script. Don't play along.
3S, I'm sending you an extra set of Warrior Mom armour, polished until it's gleaming, with matching shoes for the wedding. I'm also sending along a whole basketful of twin-baby snuggles. Keep them in your pockets for when you need them.
Many hugs,
Trinity
The British "stiff upper lip" seems to fit in perfectly with the Southern Steel Magnolia in the kill-them-with-kindness battalion. Here are a few choice phrases from my play book:
If met with bragging: "How NICE for you."
If met with insult: "Oh dear." or "Let's have no unpleasantness. This is a joyful occasion." or "I'm sure the children don't want to dredge THAT up. It'll make them look bad on THEIR day."
If met with sarcastic comments: Misinterpret them at face value, as a compliment wherever possible. React as though the comment was sincere, not sarcastic.
I don't know if these horrible people tend to grill you with questions that put you on the spot. If they do, just remember, you never owe them an answer. They key is to say something that sounds like an answer, but gives no information whatsoever. Answer the question you want to answer, rather than the one they asked.
A non-related example, someone recently asked me what my husband weighs (because of his significant weight loss, I guess). I replied, "He's fit as a fiddle. Looks great, doesn't he?" I answered something, and the person felt like he got an answer, but I didn't give away any information.
Whatever you do, do NOT let them see that they've caused you pain and tears. Tormenting someone is just no fun at all when the tormented person doesn't play along with the script. Don't play along.
3S, I'm sending you an extra set of Warrior Mom armour, polished until it's gleaming, with matching shoes for the wedding. I'm also sending along a whole basketful of twin-baby snuggles. Keep them in your pockets for when you need them.
Many hugs,
Trinity
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I think you can almost consider this a game if you think of it this way! A roll you can play in theater.
I have the most perfect song for your Mother/son dance. I will send it to you on cd if you want it. Or you can order it at any music store. Its called a song for my son on his wedding day. Its wonderful. Come to think of it, Im sure you can get it from ITunes.
I have the most perfect song for your Mother/son dance. I will send it to you on cd if you want it. Or you can order it at any music store. Its called a song for my son on his wedding day. Its wonderful. Come to think of it, Im sure you can get it from ITunes.
DDD
Well-Known Member
Ditto to all the posts.
Do remember that just like hoping and praying that your difficult child would turn into a easy child
you can also hope and pray that with a little maturity his wife will turn out to be a winner...eventually. My easy child son married a girl that none of us cared for at all. They have celebrated their 22nd anniversary and what ever she brings to the union must meet his needs. Their children are easy child's and everyone seems to be happy. Sometimes Mothers don't know best.....I guess, lol. DDD
Do remember that just like hoping and praying that your difficult child would turn into a easy child
you can also hope and pray that with a little maturity his wife will turn out to be a winner...eventually. My easy child son married a girl that none of us cared for at all. They have celebrated their 22nd anniversary and what ever she brings to the union must meet his needs. Their children are easy child's and everyone seems to be happy. Sometimes Mothers don't know best.....I guess, lol. DDD
Star*
call 911........call 911
Oh Dear.....I think you should start off by saying in your best put on Southern voice "Why Shug, I invited some of my friends too, just for moral support."
Now I know you can't hear me speak, or hear EW either....but phonetically and not to correct you Witz, but on this occasion I think I'd make an exception and HAVE that shot or 3 of Jose' Cuervo.
So it would sound like this. (minus the bouncing ball and think Scarlet O'Hara)
On speaking Southern: (In this case - Sicky sweet)
Whaaay(drag out the i sound) Shhhug..(drag the Uhhhh sound out..(long pause for dramatic effect) I INvI..Ted SUM uh MAH freeeends Toooo.(long on the oooo sound) (then the lilt goes soft and up) just fo' (pause again and even look around or dust something with one finger(and moral is said like) MOErhal souphort. batt eyelashes. then wrinkle up your nose, cheeks and shoulders all in one move..(I saw you tryin' it)
On speaking Southern insult without detection: (it's all about the head position)
Chin must be level to the ground, shoulders back, eyes cast off slightly upward in the same direction as your nose is pointed; slightly over your shoulder (as if you couldn't care any less if you tried) and as EW said never let them see you sweat (too true too true) and never raise your voice...you are the essence of calm, cool, collected, and soooo uninvolved. (remember you've had 4 shots of tequila) hick....
The insult: "You're not his real Mother. Real Mothers are blood Mothers."
The comeback (with correct head positioning) -
"Well, where I come from you'd be considered a real Mother (under breath the f word) Darlin'. Then politely look directly in her eyes, and smile as if you were Forrest Gump.
The insult: "I'm surprised you came to his wedding."
The comeback (again, 2nd time insult look directly at her eyes) blink several times, and say "Oh really? I'm surprised you could read the invitation."
The insult: "I see you brought a very small gift."
The comeback (with correct head positioning) - and walking away as if she was no one because she is..."The best gift you could give would be to disappear." Then look directly through her and say "Oh wasn't that nice of her to be so accommodating?"
The insult: "Oh you're here."
The comeback "Oh you made it too, bless you're heart." (that's Southern for anything you mean OMG or WTH)
It's certainly nicer than -
"Do you have a match?"
"Your face and a buffalos butt."
The thought occurs to me that if they are THAT controlling in your son's life? And also that messed up in the head, their opinion should not count for much in YOUR life. The fact that it counts for anything in your son's life? Well, we don't get to pick and choose who our kids make friends with, or why, and the only thing that I've EVER been able to figure out as to why?
With Dude; he's been an outcast for SO long, so many years, so many people pointing the finger at him, and made to feel like a 2nd class citizen in school, in the neighborhoods, in church even....that when he finally did get of age and started to pick and choose his friends he picked and chose other kids and people who were ostracized. Much akin to why bikers and gang bangers pick and stick with whom they do. There really is no rhyme or reason to it, we did the best we could to raise them and set and example and still? Some of our kids are just going to do their own thing. Am I to blame? Nope. I set a good example. I can't bend steel. (I mean I am HOT....but not like that) lol.
So anyway Momma...Mum, Mummy, Mother, Mama.....YOU go to YOUR son's wedding...and you enjoy yourself. If nit & 1/2 wit come up to you - think of Suz beating the krap out of them. Lord knows I did...got a good chuckle and then I thought....MAnnnnnnnn I bet that girl could really kick some bootie. I'd sell tickets to that WWF cage match! LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLE!!!!!!! Whoooooooooooooo!
Just find things before you go, pictures for your head to put there of things you envision happening to those idiots....and IF they act out of line? Instead of letting them attempt to ruin your day - PLAY those pre-envisioned events in your head instead. You'll laugh....they'll be even more confused, and they'll be the ones left trying to figure out how to get out of their own pit of ugly. Then again when you only have 1/2 a brain between two people it's hard to imagine either one coming up with a whole thought or a complete sentence Bless their hearts.
and TOWANDA!!!! er....TEQUILA!!!!!! (you go Witz) hick* shay whacz a donkey gotta do to getsch anosher shot around here? 
Now I know you can't hear me speak, or hear EW either....but phonetically and not to correct you Witz, but on this occasion I think I'd make an exception and HAVE that shot or 3 of Jose' Cuervo.
So it would sound like this. (minus the bouncing ball and think Scarlet O'Hara) On speaking Southern: (In this case - Sicky sweet)
Whaaay(drag out the i sound) Shhhug..(drag the Uhhhh sound out..(long pause for dramatic effect) I INvI..Ted SUM uh MAH freeeends Toooo.(long on the oooo sound) (then the lilt goes soft and up) just fo' (pause again and even look around or dust something with one finger(and moral is said like) MOErhal souphort. batt eyelashes. then wrinkle up your nose, cheeks and shoulders all in one move..(I saw you tryin' it)
On speaking Southern insult without detection: (it's all about the head position)
Chin must be level to the ground, shoulders back, eyes cast off slightly upward in the same direction as your nose is pointed; slightly over your shoulder (as if you couldn't care any less if you tried) and as EW said never let them see you sweat (too true too true) and never raise your voice...you are the essence of calm, cool, collected, and soooo uninvolved. (remember you've had 4 shots of tequila) hick....
The insult: "You're not his real Mother. Real Mothers are blood Mothers."
The comeback (with correct head positioning) -
"Well, where I come from you'd be considered a real Mother (under breath the f word) Darlin'. Then politely look directly in her eyes, and smile as if you were Forrest Gump.
The insult: "I'm surprised you came to his wedding."
The comeback (again, 2nd time insult look directly at her eyes) blink several times, and say "Oh really? I'm surprised you could read the invitation."
The insult: "I see you brought a very small gift."
The comeback (with correct head positioning) - and walking away as if she was no one because she is..."The best gift you could give would be to disappear." Then look directly through her and say "Oh wasn't that nice of her to be so accommodating?"
The insult: "Oh you're here."
The comeback "Oh you made it too, bless you're heart." (that's Southern for anything you mean OMG or WTH)
It's certainly nicer than -
"Do you have a match?"
"Your face and a buffalos butt."
The thought occurs to me that if they are THAT controlling in your son's life? And also that messed up in the head, their opinion should not count for much in YOUR life. The fact that it counts for anything in your son's life? Well, we don't get to pick and choose who our kids make friends with, or why, and the only thing that I've EVER been able to figure out as to why?
With Dude; he's been an outcast for SO long, so many years, so many people pointing the finger at him, and made to feel like a 2nd class citizen in school, in the neighborhoods, in church even....that when he finally did get of age and started to pick and choose his friends he picked and chose other kids and people who were ostracized. Much akin to why bikers and gang bangers pick and stick with whom they do. There really is no rhyme or reason to it, we did the best we could to raise them and set and example and still? Some of our kids are just going to do their own thing. Am I to blame? Nope. I set a good example. I can't bend steel. (I mean I am HOT....but not like that) lol.
So anyway Momma...Mum, Mummy, Mother, Mama.....YOU go to YOUR son's wedding...and you enjoy yourself. If nit & 1/2 wit come up to you - think of Suz beating the krap out of them. Lord knows I did...got a good chuckle and then I thought....MAnnnnnnnn I bet that girl could really kick some bootie. I'd sell tickets to that WWF cage match! LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLE!!!!!!! Whoooooooooooooo!
Just find things before you go, pictures for your head to put there of things you envision happening to those idiots....and IF they act out of line? Instead of letting them attempt to ruin your day - PLAY those pre-envisioned events in your head instead. You'll laugh....they'll be even more confused, and they'll be the ones left trying to figure out how to get out of their own pit of ugly. Then again when you only have 1/2 a brain between two people it's hard to imagine either one coming up with a whole thought or a complete sentence Bless their hearts.
and TOWANDA!!!! er....TEQUILA!!!!!! (you go Witz) hick* shay whacz a donkey gotta do to getsch anosher shot around here?
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Just think of things to say...such as "oh you're here, bless my ever lovin heart!"
Or goodness be! Look who it is!
I swear...go watch those movies! You will have it down pat!
Or goodness be! Look who it is!
I swear...go watch those movies! You will have it down pat!
ThreeShadows
Quid me anxia?
I've got to do some research now...I actually googled "kill them with kindness".
TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow
Member
(((((((((((((HUGS!!!)))))))))))))
Hang in there ThreeShadows!
Like the others I'd suggest you attend the wedding... but don't feel obligated to stay at the reception any longer than you are comfortable.
I'm not a huge fan of the "smile to their face/politely cut those you disdain with your words" technique though.
I'm grateful for choices... and self control.
The wedding is not the time nor place to address your son's obnoxious enablers.
There may never be the time or place to address those people... they seem very content in their stupidity. You can't change people who don't want to change.
You don't have to say hello to those horrible people at the wedding, unless you want to, and even then I wouldn't recommend it unless you think they will not make a scene.
I'm guessing there will be other people invited to the celebration that you may actually enjoy seeing. I'd encourage a big smile and a polite "excuse me" to those whose company you are enjoying as you walk the opposite direction of unwelcome people headed your way.
Some weddings have a receiving line... (most I have attended lately have not had this) if your son's will, and you'd like to be a part of greeting the guests, you can always arrange to check your cell phone, reset your watch or find something to do (powder room visit?) as you step out of line until they pass.
I know in an earlier post you mentioned your wedding celebration was small. Do you know how many guests will be invited to your son's celebration?
Hang in there ThreeShadows!
Like the others I'd suggest you attend the wedding... but don't feel obligated to stay at the reception any longer than you are comfortable.
I'm not a huge fan of the "smile to their face/politely cut those you disdain with your words" technique though.
I'm grateful for choices... and self control.
The wedding is not the time nor place to address your son's obnoxious enablers.
There may never be the time or place to address those people... they seem very content in their stupidity. You can't change people who don't want to change.
You don't have to say hello to those horrible people at the wedding, unless you want to, and even then I wouldn't recommend it unless you think they will not make a scene.
I'm guessing there will be other people invited to the celebration that you may actually enjoy seeing. I'd encourage a big smile and a polite "excuse me" to those whose company you are enjoying as you walk the opposite direction of unwelcome people headed your way.
Some weddings have a receiving line... (most I have attended lately have not had this) if your son's will, and you'd like to be a part of greeting the guests, you can always arrange to check your cell phone, reset your watch or find something to do (powder room visit?) as you step out of line until they pass.
I know in an earlier post you mentioned your wedding celebration was small. Do you know how many guests will be invited to your son's celebration?
rejectedmom
New Member
3s, I think you should go also. If the two women in question come by and try to engage in conversation you can always use my old standby and excuse your self to the ladies room untill you feel certain they will have redirected their attention. -RM
Ugh. First I've gotta say that I had a great
day today. (got case study for 11yo & dr
apt to follow up...so.....i was in a good mood..
But these boneheads just tick me off.
<thank gawd for the image limit>
I'm so sick of people enabling or messing up
good people and decent families. Cwazies we call em
around here. Sounds like sexual offenders as well.
I won't even tell you what I'd do....
especially over the KY (cuz there isn't enough of a
KY supply on this planet that could help any of them),
But let me tell you what, there would
be a war they didn't even know they were involved in.
Toss me in the section with the advice of....
you gotta follow your heart on this one...
but I love the southern belle strategy the best.
...i'll wander off for a nice workout and direct all
of my anger at them....and there is a boatload of it too!
day today. (got case study for 11yo & dr
apt to follow up...so.....i was in a good mood..
But these boneheads just tick me off.
<thank gawd for the image limit>
I'm so sick of people enabling or messing up
good people and decent families. Cwazies we call em
around here. Sounds like sexual offenders as well.
I won't even tell you what I'd do....
especially over the KY (cuz there isn't enough of a
KY supply on this planet that could help any of them),
But let me tell you what, there would
be a war they didn't even know they were involved in.
Toss me in the section with the advice of....
you gotta follow your heart on this one...
but I love the southern belle strategy the best.
...i'll wander off for a nice workout and direct all
of my anger at them....and there is a boatload of it too!
Last edited by a moderator:
Star*
call 911........call 911
Um.....ya'll know I'm kidding right? Personally? I would go, if confronted at a public event I would never ever make a scene and ruin someone's special day. Especially not in a church, or a social hall with their family and friends around where it would embarrass my son or myself.
If there were a confrontation in this particular situation? I would excuse myself, say nothing and leave. I actually prefer to allow the aggressor to continue to appear being just that giving them all the lime-light they want.
However if I walk away and you persue me?? I would eat you down to the souls of your shoes spit you out, and it would be done in such a manner without even raising my voice. My insult would be carried out with such class and dignity befitting my education and social status to such a degree that when I was through with you? You wouldn't know that you had been insulted for at least 1/2 and hour after I left, and it would possibly take a thesarus and a dictionary for you to comprehend just exactly what names and insults had been used to describe your pathetic carcas.
If followed further to the parking lot? I'd wait until they returned to the party and take out 4 toothpicks from my glovebox, unscrew all 4 valve stem cover caps and push each little toothpick into the valve stem, break them off, and pssssssssttttttt slow leak your tires until they all went flat at once. Last time two little girls in the Bi-Lo parking lot flipped me the bird thinking they were "so cute"? That's what I did to them. Bugger.
I've turned the other cheek so many times in my life? I've got stock in Desitin. Now I do battle with my brains.
If there were a confrontation in this particular situation? I would excuse myself, say nothing and leave. I actually prefer to allow the aggressor to continue to appear being just that giving them all the lime-light they want.
However if I walk away and you persue me?? I would eat you down to the souls of your shoes spit you out, and it would be done in such a manner without even raising my voice. My insult would be carried out with such class and dignity befitting my education and social status to such a degree that when I was through with you? You wouldn't know that you had been insulted for at least 1/2 and hour after I left, and it would possibly take a thesarus and a dictionary for you to comprehend just exactly what names and insults had been used to describe your pathetic carcas.
If followed further to the parking lot? I'd wait until they returned to the party and take out 4 toothpicks from my glovebox, unscrew all 4 valve stem cover caps and push each little toothpick into the valve stem, break them off, and pssssssssttttttt slow leak your tires until they all went flat at once. Last time two little girls in the Bi-Lo parking lot flipped me the bird thinking they were "so cute"? That's what I did to them.
Bugger. I've turned the other cheek so many times in my life? I've got stock in Desitin. Now I do battle with my brains.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Nice, Star*, you are far better at this southern charm thing than me. Personally... I'd be willing to beat the tar out of them in the parking lot while wearing taffeta, stilettos & an up-do.
Nobody messes with our 3S. They make my blood boil.
Nobody messes with our 3S. They make my blood boil.
Star*
call 911........call 911
This is really getting interesting you know?
Suz AND TM in formal attire out rolling around with guests in the church parking lot like a coupla seagulls on the beach fighting over a fish. "Witz, bring us another Margarita."
WILD maaaaaan.....just wild, and you girls seem so mild. Whoda thunk?
Does make one wonder what bouquet tossing time is like? I'm guessing Roller Derby.
(looked for an smilie with blacked out teeth)
Suz AND TM in formal attire out rolling around with guests in the church parking lot like a coupla seagulls on the beach fighting over a fish. "Witz, bring us another Margarita."
WILD maaaaaan.....just wild, and you girls seem so mild. Whoda thunk?
Does make one wonder what bouquet tossing time is like? I'm guessing Roller Derby.
(looked for an smilie with blacked out teeth)
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
LOL. Im just googly-eyed at TM in taffeta! And an up-do!
Star, shall we bring the goat with bells on?
Oh I know....sign this up for Bridezilla or My redneck wedding!
Star, shall we bring the goat with bells on?
Oh I know....sign this up for Bridezilla or My redneck wedding!
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
K- I'm very protective of the members here. Very.
