I need a little support

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tiredmommy, Jun 11, 2012.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    mother in law is beginning to fail rapidly, all signs point to her death within the next two weeks. And because of this, husband is angry, bitter and taking it all out on me. :crying:
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    :sorrysmiley:If you can, try to have a heart to heart with him. He may not even realize he's doing it.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Big, soft hugs and a soft shoulder...

    It's so hard when you have to be strong for Duckie... and then be super-strong for husband... and you're carrying a fair bit of the load yourself. When family dynamics are a challenge, times like this become super difficult for all involved...

    Know that our thoughts are with you.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I have... he's denied everything and blames me for being "unsupportive".
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    TM-Many hugs and will be thinking of you and your family.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    So sorry TM. It's a fairly typical male response. husband did it too.

    I hope she's able to go as peacefully as possible.

    Keeping you all in my thoughts and my prayers.
  7. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Many prayers and ((hugs)). My husband would act like that too - he doesn't handle stressful events really well. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TM - If I remember the picture from other posts... he didn't get what he needed from his family situation when growing up (like many of us...). Which means that he doesn't KNOW what he needs now. All he knows is that something just kicked the legs out from under him... blame goes flying in every direction. It's part of grieving, and it (the blame game) is often worse for men.

    Is there any grief support network available? Even for you, if husband won't go... they might be able to support you in supporting him...
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I m so very sorry.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Really sorry for mother in law. You can be understanding and try to let it go ....but it hurts to be the one that things are taken out on. And it's his mom but she's your family too ....can't be easy to say goodbye. Thinking of you .....hugs, Dee
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I know you've been going and doing things with Duckie, plus working. Sounds like you need to make some excuse for you to just get out of the house and do something for yourself. Sending supportive hugs. I hope she passes quickly and peacefully.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I'll help prop you up, sweetie. Men can be pretty needy and not even know it... :sigh:
  13. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Sorry TM. SO gets testy about his mom sometimes - I get the "but I promised her I would take care of her" and now WE have her in a home. The "taking care of" stuff was done by me, and I was pushing him to get her placed before my surgery next week as there is absolutely no way I can be lifting her with abdominal surgery - I already developed a hernia from my surgery in January they now have to fix as well because she is obese, and he blew out his back when she fell twice trying to let her hit the floor gently.

    SO is always going thru the "what could I have done better" senario but when he gets put out with me, I try and keep in mind he is feeling guilty, especially when she gets on a roll about how she should have stayed in Arizona where she had friends and people who loved her, and now I am here in this home.

    Its probably going to be hard for your husband for a while..

  14. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Hugs and Prayers TM. I hope your mother in law passes peacefully, and your husband comes to terms with his feelings, so that you are spared the verbal vomit.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry for your whole family. I hope you can just let all the raw emotion and inappropriate remarks or whatever from your husband just roll off your back thru this difficult period. That doens't mean you aren't going thru your own struggles and emotions, too- I'm sure you're catching the brunt of a lot right now. ((HUGS))
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tm-Sending hugs and prayers your way. I know this is such a difficult time with-o having husband take things out on you.
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and prayers, TM.
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh my, sounds very much like my H when his dad was dying. I caught the brunt of it and when I tried to explain to him, he turned it all around. Difficult to do, but I had to enact my detachment skills quickly so I could be both supportive but steer clear. Hugs, I'm so sorry-this is just a tough spot to be in at a very difficult time.
  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    He's been very passive-aggressive and demeaning. I nearly walked out last night (only the thought of Duckie stopped me). I feel useless and defeated.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Family members dying is so hard. I know when my dad died my family almost went to pieces. I was a wreck, Cory fell completely apart because I dont think he really let himself accept it and felt he had let the man down so badly, and the boys just fought constantly and drove Tony and I batty as hell. I really was probably hard to deal with most likely. I thought everyone should leave me in peace and let me be. I had to write the eulogy and deal with the fact my dad had just died. Why people that was the appropriate time to fuss at me over hamburgers was beyond me. LOL.

    I imagine that is kinda what your husband is feeling like right now.