I need advice on dealing with my adolescent addict son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by indianeyes, Jun 12, 2017.

  1. indianeyes

    indianeyes New Member

    I'm a single mother my husband passed 10 years ago from a brain tumor. I have 2 son's one is away at a University and going to graduate with his master's this month. My other son who is 23 lives with me he is going back to local University in 3 months to finish to get master's. But he has not just an addiction to Meth which he does use sometimes. But also he abuses alcohol he won't use either daily but when he does he's out late. Meaning he will drink till he passes out or is so drunk.

    I know he's not a child anymore and I don't want to be an enabler. I just want to do the right thing I want him to get help and I have told him how I feel. But he never reaches out for help and I know I can't force him.

    I have high blood pressure and I'm trying hard to keep it under control. But my son's addictions worry me he was in hospital before for overdosing. I have told him he needs help he may have depression..But the end result is he won't get help.

    I thought of telling him to move cause living with this I can't bear it anymore. I'm just watching him kill himself and he hasn't hit rock bottom yet.

    Any advice is welcomed I need help...Thank you
     
  2. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    First let me tell you that you are not alone in your journey.... all of us have lost sleep, and some of our sanity to this trek through addiction/substance abuse with our kids.

    The next thing I will say is that even though none of us have the same story or same child, we all feel the same pain. Seeing your child/teen/young adult become addicted to drugs or alcohol is absolutely heartbreaking. I have had nights I cried more than I slept. I've lost so much time and spent so much energy trying to fix him and I've finally realized that I can't ever fix it or make it go away or bring back "my kid". He has to do it, and all I can do is try to love him and support him. It's not easy. It's actually the hardest thing I have ever faced.

    Your son sounds very high functioning ... which does not make it easier since he probably thinks he is fine, as do some around him who don't see the bigger picture you can. My son was high functioning also, but the last two years he has become more crippled by the addiction and I think I had become blind, trying so hard to believe him when he was not telling me the truth and was actually getting sicker .

    He just finished a detox and I have no idea if he will beat it this time.... I take it a day at a time and am learning that this is his journey... I am just an observer.

    Try to get some support for you as you need it right now. Being a parent to an addict is not something you should face alone.

    Hugs for your hurting heart....
     
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Indianeyes. I am very sorry about your son. What I have learned through the many years of dealing with this is that you can't do anything once they are adults. The best you can do is set boundaries and take care of yourself. I know that is easier said than done, but your son needs to help himself and he won't do that until the pain of staying the same is worse than changing.
     
  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Why do you call him your adolescent son when hes 23? Hes a grown adult. He needs rehab. Too many people believe its mental problems when its just drug addiction. Rehab first, then see what happens. If he doesnt go, your in for a long fight. Im sorry
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Never make the mistake of seeing your addicted, abusive adult offspring as a child. Look at him and see that he is a full grown man. Society sees him as grown up and wont give him "child" breaks. He needs to step up and be that man. Or not. And he will face consequences if he wont.

    You cant force this man into rehab but you can use tough love and seek help in therapy or Al Anon to get your own life in order. I hope you do this. You can NOT change your adult son.
     
  6. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Since he has made it this far through school, he thinks he doesn't have a drug problem. Has he ever tried to understand why he feels the need to drink heavily and use meth? His father's death, anxiety, boredom, depression, etc. Some people use and drink simply because it feels good. It sounds like he has goals in life and wants to achieve things, so hopefully you can persuade him to go to rehab.