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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646213" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>After reading your post, I am thinking it's possible she came out of the hospital better because there was no substance abuse in there.</p><p></p><p>I was in hospitals three times. They helped me a lot and there were outpatient follow up programs and medications to take and I did both or else I knew I'd end up back where I was.</p><p></p><p>Pot and alcohol ARE drugs that can mess up a depressed person's head.</p><p></p><p>At age 20, you can not tell your daughter what to do. You have 0% over her, but you have 100% control over yourself and your reaction to her behavior. You may well have to make her leave to get her to realize she doesn't have a warm, fuzzy place to live as a woman (not a child) who can still get money, perks, hot meals, and nurturing from mommy. You are not her mommy anymore. You are now her mother and should be moving toward an adult-adult relationship in which she is independent.This big decision is up to you. Think: Is what I'm doing now making things any better? If not, should I change them? Only you can answer your questions and they were not asked to make you answer them to us, just in your own mind.</p><p></p><p>Your husband's twins are an example of how most twenty year olds behave. Depression without psychosis is not untreatable and many depressed people, becaue there are soooooooooo many of them work. Getting out of the house and being productive (and I don't mean going to parties) makes depression better. So does exercise, eating right, and listening to the doctors as well as abstaining from other substances. But you can't force this on her. Many of us are learning to detach from the poor choices of our adult children since we can not control them.</p><p></p><p>50% of all kids come from "broken" homes, but not 50% of all almost 21 year olds decide to use that to guilt out their parents and live no lives of substance. She isn't this way because of her father left, except for maybe inheriting some of his DNA. She is 50% of him, even if she never met him. You'd be amazed at how much that matters. As an adoptive mom, I've seen kids meet bio. parents they never knew in their lives and one can see the incredible dominance of DNA over nurture. Your daughter does not have her adoptive father's DNA so, unlike the twins, she she is at a disadvantage...so was I. Your DNA makes your personality what it is unless the person WANTS TO and TRIES HARD to change for the better. The person "blessed" with some bad genes, as I call them, has to decide to overcome them and do better. I did, she can. (I have a horrible family of origin).</p><p></p><p>Many of us are living good lives in spite of having troubled adult children. I hope you join us <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646213, member: 1550"] After reading your post, I am thinking it's possible she came out of the hospital better because there was no substance abuse in there. I was in hospitals three times. They helped me a lot and there were outpatient follow up programs and medications to take and I did both or else I knew I'd end up back where I was. Pot and alcohol ARE drugs that can mess up a depressed person's head. At age 20, you can not tell your daughter what to do. You have 0% over her, but you have 100% control over yourself and your reaction to her behavior. You may well have to make her leave to get her to realize she doesn't have a warm, fuzzy place to live as a woman (not a child) who can still get money, perks, hot meals, and nurturing from mommy. You are not her mommy anymore. You are now her mother and should be moving toward an adult-adult relationship in which she is independent.This big decision is up to you. Think: Is what I'm doing now making things any better? If not, should I change them? Only you can answer your questions and they were not asked to make you answer them to us, just in your own mind. Your husband's twins are an example of how most twenty year olds behave. Depression without psychosis is not untreatable and many depressed people, becaue there are soooooooooo many of them work. Getting out of the house and being productive (and I don't mean going to parties) makes depression better. So does exercise, eating right, and listening to the doctors as well as abstaining from other substances. But you can't force this on her. Many of us are learning to detach from the poor choices of our adult children since we can not control them. 50% of all kids come from "broken" homes, but not 50% of all almost 21 year olds decide to use that to guilt out their parents and live no lives of substance. She isn't this way because of her father left, except for maybe inheriting some of his DNA. She is 50% of him, even if she never met him. You'd be amazed at how much that matters. As an adoptive mom, I've seen kids meet bio. parents they never knew in their lives and one can see the incredible dominance of DNA over nurture. Your daughter does not have her adoptive father's DNA so, unlike the twins, she she is at a disadvantage...so was I. Your DNA makes your personality what it is unless the person WANTS TO and TRIES HARD to change for the better. The person "blessed" with some bad genes, as I call them, has to decide to overcome them and do better. I did, she can. (I have a horrible family of origin). Many of us are living good lives in spite of having troubled adult children. I hope you join us :) [/QUOTE]
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