It breaks my heart. I just want to know how other parents deal with the pain of this.
My heart is broken too. There is heartache all around when you pay attention. Heartache and suffering. We are not guaranteed happiness in this life. We must create it. Based on my own experience, we can create our own happiness, by boundaries and by deliberately cultivating ourselves and our life.
How do we cultivate ourselves and our life? A major beginning is to stop focusing on our kids. And when a painful thought or memory comes up, acknowledge it with love and feel the loss, and find another thought in your mind to affix energy to.
For me, helping other people, music, dancing, being outside, faith, and personal goals have been ways to plant seeds of hope and happiness.