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Parent Emeritus
I need help. Adult son is out of control.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 763025" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Many of us are in your shoes. Maybe not the same style and size but close enough.</p><p></p><p>Your son is best helped by having to face the music. Which means the consequences of his choices. When our help only serves our child to continue to live in the same problematic way he has been living, how can we continue to kid ourselves?</p><p></p><p>As far as your guilt goes, for what? Are you the one making these choices? Has enabling helped him? Has it helped you? Do you deserve violence in your own home? Is the harmony and security of your marriage worth sacrificing?</p><p></p><p>Nobody can help you feel better, except your belief that you deserve to be contented, secure, safe, and happy. And then deciding to follow through. One thing about being human is we can decide what thoughts to have in our heads. Trust me, it is doable, to choose happiness and freedom instead of bondage to negativity.</p><p></p><p>I have made this shift. Others here can vouch for the truth of this. Over and over again I brought my son back. Over and over again the result was the same. I am not going to say I won't do it again. But I will say this: When I accepted that my son and only my son was the person who will change himself and his life. When I accepted that my life and my happiness were my priority and that I had the absolute right and responsibility to protect them--my life changed.</p><p></p><p>My son is homeless. He is mentally ill. I feel a stab of pain in my stomach even typing these words. I love him with all of my heart. He is the love of my life. That changes not one thing in terms of my responsibilities. And it changes nothing about my choices.</p><p></p><p>There is not one thing good that will come from destroying yourself, for your son; or my doing the same. Our sons have free will. They can learn. They can change. They can become motivated to choose for themselves.</p><p></p><p>It is not meant that parents take ongoing responsibility for middle-aged people. There are societal resources for this. You have tried and tried. So did his grandparents. So have I. There are programs. There are resources. There is therapy. He can do this. You can't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 763025, member: 18958"] Many of us are in your shoes. Maybe not the same style and size but close enough. Your son is best helped by having to face the music. Which means the consequences of his choices. When our help only serves our child to continue to live in the same problematic way he has been living, how can we continue to kid ourselves? As far as your guilt goes, for what? Are you the one making these choices? Has enabling helped him? Has it helped you? Do you deserve violence in your own home? Is the harmony and security of your marriage worth sacrificing? Nobody can help you feel better, except your belief that you deserve to be contented, secure, safe, and happy. And then deciding to follow through. One thing about being human is we can decide what thoughts to have in our heads. Trust me, it is doable, to choose happiness and freedom instead of bondage to negativity. I have made this shift. Others here can vouch for the truth of this. Over and over again I brought my son back. Over and over again the result was the same. I am not going to say I won't do it again. But I will say this: When I accepted that my son and only my son was the person who will change himself and his life. When I accepted that my life and my happiness were my priority and that I had the absolute right and responsibility to protect them--my life changed. My son is homeless. He is mentally ill. I feel a stab of pain in my stomach even typing these words. I love him with all of my heart. He is the love of my life. That changes not one thing in terms of my responsibilities. And it changes nothing about my choices. There is not one thing good that will come from destroying yourself, for your son; or my doing the same. Our sons have free will. They can learn. They can change. They can become motivated to choose for themselves. It is not meant that parents take ongoing responsibility for middle-aged people. There are societal resources for this. You have tried and tried. So did his grandparents. So have I. There are programs. There are resources. There is therapy. He can do this. You can't. [/QUOTE]
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I need help. Adult son is out of control.
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