I need HELP with my difficult son

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kaydeec, Sep 12, 2009.

  1. kaydeec

    kaydeec New Member

    Hi all

    Im new to this but desperate for advice and some help...my son has just turned 5. He is a lovely boy who is kind and popular...however saying this most of the time he is also out of control. Since he was born he was extremely quick with all his milestones and people always commented on this however he was also always hyperactive and always seemed to be doing everything louder, quicker more dangerously etc! He seems to be on autocharge all the time. My husband and I struggled as family could not cope with him and so did not offer to babysit or give us a break. Now that he is 5 nothing has changed but he is defiant strong willed and always on the go. He is boistrous and extremely active and seems rebellious and very impulsive. He is always hurting his friends in rough and tumble fighting (which he thinks is playing). He will not do anything such as bath, brush teeth, get dressed, sit at the table, basically anything we expect from him and we are constantly from morning to night arguing with him about this we just can't get through to him....have tried naughty steps, reward charts, sending him to his room, taking toys,tv away and am constantly praising the good behaviour. From morning to night it is a constant battle. I have stopped bringing his friends over because he either thinks its funny to smash his toys up or throw them out the window or over thw wall run around the house destroying things or argues with his friends for playing with his things, etc. We are so exhausted as we have now had our second child who is 6 months. My older boy is good with his younger brother and since we try to still make sure my older boy is getting most of the attention (so he doesn't get jelouse) this doesn't seem to be an issue. School don't see a problem and say he is a quiet young man who doesn't assert himself enough. He is quiet in class but not interested in reading or writting..to me and my husband we have always suspected ADD or ADHD...is there something we are doing wrong? Its affecting our relationship and I have even lost friends through his behaviour. We don't even want to take him to friends/families houses anymore? PLEASE help me I don't know where to turn? I also have problems with him using the toilet and he often soils his pants and has done this since I started potty training....I am so stressed out about it all...:anxious:
  2. kaydeec

    kaydeec New Member

    Hi all

    Since I can remember my little boy has been extremely boistrous, impulsive highly active, strong willed and defiant. He never listens when we try and discipline him and seems to not understand the consequences to his actions...I have tried naughty steps, sending him to his room, taking things away, reward charts, ignoring it??? I am constantly praising his good behaviour. He reached all his milestones quickly and people often commented on this. He is now 5 years old. In a typical day he won't brush his teeth, wash his face, get dressed...etc...he will scream and cry hit bang the doors etc rather than do any of this. It is a constant struggle and fight doing anything...In the evening he won't bath won't get dressed, won't sit at the table..will throw tantrums if he can't watch his TV. whenever friends come round he finds it funny to break his toys, throw them out the window or over the wall. Constantly argues with his friends pulls things away from them always wants to rough and tumble and play fight. I have even lost friend because of his behaviour and i don't want to take him anywhere as I don't trust his behaviour. His teachers decribe him as quiet Shy and gentle and should assert himself more? I feel as though he thinks we are a joke and wants to rebel against us as he finds it funny....We have always thought he may have ADHD but we seem to be the only people who think this, but we are his parents and surely we would know if something were wrong? He has started football training but all his friends seem to be following whats happening but he doesn't seem to understand whats expected of him and will run off doing something else or stand and pull his face lie on the ground etc. He won't try and read or write and doesn't enjoy school work at all. I know he can do it if he tries but he wont try? Saying all of this he is very intelligent and his vocabulary is way above his age, his general knowledge is also really good and he can remember things such as details of things that happend from when he was a year old. My husband and I are constantly arguing now and are so exhausted as we don't know how to deal with his behaviour? Please help us?:anxious::anxious::anxious:
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi kaydeec, welcome to our forum.

    I'm thinking it would be good to have an assessment done on him. Have you talked with your pediatrician about his behaviors?

    You say he fights bathing and brushing teeth. Is he really picky about food and clothing as well?

    What are his interests? Does he have any obsessions or like to collect anything?

    Hang in there--hopefully we can get you pointed in the right direction.