I dont know if I am losing my mind or if my whole family is losing their minds or if my whole life is just falling apart in front of my eyes basically in short loud bursts. Most everything is blamed on me as if I am making way too much out of simple situations and if I only answered the precise question asked, then the increased volume discussion would not need to be had. Let me give you an example of several things from my past week. I asked Tony for his lighter during the night Thursday night because mine died. Friday he came home and accused me of stealing it from me. I had got up from the bed, brought his pants to him and he had given me the bill money to pay the cell phone bill plus the lighter. He didnt remember any of it. He yelled at me and accused me of getting both of them or letting Cory go into his pants. Cory and I both told him we didnt. Thursday I cooked a deer neck. Tony told me to boil it for a long time and I asked him what time I should start since I had never attempted one of these before. He said 2 should be good. I put it on at 2. It was still not tender at 7 when he got home. He said there was no way I could have put this thing on at 2, not and actually let it boil. Well I had it simmering at a low boil. When it actually hard boiled it was splashing all over the stove. I actually had to get him to go ask Billy what time I put it on without me being able to see him before he would believe I started it at 2! Friday I went shopping. I was tired. I called him and told him I was so tired and asked him if he would bring home some take out because I was so tired. He acted put out because "he was the one who really works and knows what tired is in this family". Yesterday we went to get his new phone and he finally figured out that I put Cory's phone on my plan. He is ticked. I dont know why this is a surprise. I have been telling him this for the last two months. I talked about it with him before I ever even mentioned it to Cory. I would have never considered it without him okaying it. Why does he now say he didnt know about it and say I cater to "the boy". Thats another thing...he is smoldering under the surface about Cory too. Me and Cory are one and the same to him. I think he hates us. Today Billy and I had to take his phone back to the store because it wasnt working right. He of course was off somewhere playing deer hunter man even though it was sunday and you cant hunt on Sunday. He has to go do something for the hunting anyway. You always have to do something for the stupid hunting. So Billy and I go and return the phone and get a new one, we come home and he is now home and Cory, Mandy and baby are here. They are all chatting and Tony is getting dinner ready which is deer ribs and I go to the bedroom to start getting his phone charged and ready. I need to do this for him. Well jump to this evening when everyone is gone. He goes to plug the phone is and he looks for the charger that he used to plug in his OLD phone. Its gone. I imagine that Cory took it with him. It works for all these phones...both the new ones and Tony's old phone. Cory just didnt realize his new phone charger was up in the cabinet. Well, Tony had a conniption fit! Where was that flat old charger? Why is this thin old charger plugged in with that Nokia end on it? Yada yada. He got louder and louder. Well that thin Nokia charger had been plugged in for months. I had been plugging in things around it all the time when I kept taking his charger plug out to plug in my can opener so I noticed it. I just didnt know what it went to so I didnt unplug it. So he went on this shouting match for about 20 minutes about where the charger was until both Billy and finally admitted we didnt know. Then he went Aha! I just wanted to get someone to admit they didnt know where it went so we know the thief took it! I said Tony, Cory only took a charger for his phone. He left HIS charger here! We all still have chargers! Does it matter which charger he took? The one he took was a replacement charger for your old phone! No...I wanted the OLD charger. He should have asked for his new one. HUH? Shaking head. Then he comes to bed. Argument is still going on to some extent. When he comes to bed I asked him if he had asked Billy to put the screen protector on his phone. No. Now this is something I had been telling him to do since approximately 7 pm so he has had time and he came to bed at 10. Billy was willing and waiting on him. Tony starts gritching at me and slammed out the bedroom door and I yelled after him that fine, if it was too much trouble he can leave the damn thing here or I will take it back and he can just keep his old POS phone that has the broken hinge and hangs up on everyone and cant play any games. No skin off my teeth. So then he comes in, gets in bed and starts trying to watch Food Network with me but he was making fun of the food. I just gritted my teeth. When he said to me , what, I cant get a response, I said no...I know sarcasm when I hear it. He said I cant even play with you...you are no fun anymore. I am always wrong, you are always right. He turns everything completely around to make things about him when it is him being the aggressor but he wont see it. Billy can see it, Cory can see it, and I think Sam his boss has seen a change in his demeanor. Sam has told me that he has seen a change in him ever since the stroke 4 years ago and I do think that is when this stuff started. His whole personality did take a dramatic change then and not for the better. He is much shorter with all of this. I actually tossed my computer into a basket of laundry and got up and went in the bathroom to cry. He rants on and on about how I should just not talk to him because he is obviously just not right about anything. I then said look, it isnt me telling you that you arent right, you are attacking my every word. I cant say anything but what you jump down my throat. I want you out of my room. Its mine. My sanctuary. The only place I actually have in the world and I bought the damn house. I told him to get the hell out of my room but of course he didnt go. Says its his room too. I cant move anything at night. I think I will see about having Billy move my dvr player during the next day he has off which will allow me to move into the guest room. I would move into the living room but I dont have a twin bed. I will be honest. I dont know if I love him anymore or even if I ever did. I know I got together with him all those years ago because I ended up pregnant first with the baby we lost and then because I didnt want to go back with my mom and then we got pregnant with Jamie right away and I didnt want to raise the boys on my own and then came Cory by the time we were 24. There was no way I could do 3 kids alone so I just figured I would stick him until the boys were grown. When they were grown, I ended up sick plus my mom was sick. I needed help. I have no idea how he feels about me. He sure hasnt treated me much like love is the most important thing. we dont share any of the same interests at all. He doesnt act like he much cares. He would rather spend time with his friends. I wonder if we have just outgrown each other and are just staying together because it seems to hard to part. And it will be hard to part. My double wide is on his land. He would have to buy me out because there is no way I can move this thing. I wouldnt want to. However he could get really nasty and try to force my hand make me which would cause me to sell it at a huge loss to some mobile home scrapper. It is in such bad shape that I probably would barely get anything out of it. Of course that leaves him with no where to live too. My theory would be to cut my place in half literally and we each have one half to live in. It wouldnt be hard to put a kitchen in my walk in closet because it backs to my bathroom. I dont know. I think I shouldnt make any decisions right now because I am so emotional this year because of everything this year that has gone on because of losing my dad and then all this stuff with Keyana. Also losing my therapist so I cant even process any of it with anyone isnt good at all. Being told to just suck it up isnt the answer I need. Not one person in my house even asked me if I was okay on Friday. No one. Not even when I texted Jamie to remind him to call my step-mom 3 days in advance. I would have thought he might think about calling me too. I dont know what I expect from you guys except a listening ear. I really dont have anyone else to talk to anymore.