I need opinions please

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rejectedmom, Jun 6, 2011.


report it?

Poll closed Jun 16, 2011.
  1. yes report it

    7 vote(s)
  2. no don't report it

    5 vote(s)
  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I usually post in PE but needed more coverage on this one. My difficult child is currently in jail. He was dating someone he called his fiancee when he was arrested. Turns out he is taking the brunt of charges for what is mostly her crime of theft. She told him she was pregnant possibly so he would cover for her and once he was in prison told him she miscarried. That is the background.

    Since he was incarcerated a month ago she has taken over his Facebook page and has been posting as him and friending unsuspecting family members. I only just found out about it when she fessed up after I had pmed him. My sister told me that he was still posting and that maybe I could communicate with him through FB. i had my suspicions because I didn't thing prisoners had access to public websites. Anyway, the woman read the message telling difficult child to get in touch with me and then contacted me admitting that she was not him She gave me a very lame excuse for her actions.

    From what I know of her she is both a thief and a liar and I am slightly concerned that she is stalking me. It could just be a perverse curiosity on her part. It could also be to track when I am not home so she can break in here.

    Some of my family are not on FB often and have not responded to my request to unfriend difficult child because it isn't him using the account at present. Other's just don't seem to care. I am afraid that she will see some inocent post that someone makes and my safety could be compromised.

    Should I report this FB abuse and have her shut down? My BFF says I should just leave it alone so I can track her "keep your enemies close" so to speak. I just find the whole thing creepy but admit that my difficult child might have given her permission. Even so it is against FB policy for her to be doing this. They want a reason for the report and I prepared the following:

    "This is my son's account he is unable to update it or post due to being away at the present time. The person posting and monitering his account as him is someone he was in a relationship with when he went away. Her name is XXXXX although she is using his last name on her own profile which is under XXXXX even though she is not married to my son. She is not a person I know and I feel the privacy of the family is being compromised by her actions."

    What do you think? -RM
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2011
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think you should let it go. I mean, Facebook? Really? How big a deal is this in your life that you've already wasted this much time and energy thinking about it?
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Get a smart phone and access facebook from it only, or at least the majority of the time. That way, she won't know when you're home or not. And obviously don't post your comings and goings. And then? I'd keep her on, watch what I say, and keep a few tabs on her myself.
  4. seriously

    seriously New Member

    If you are concerned that she is stalking you then this is something to report to the police.

    I never post on FB where I am going and when I will be there. Just common sense to me.

    I think that FB will not do anything even if you notify them that the account has been compromised since you are not the owner of the account.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Dasiy, I live far from my family and I do use it daily to see pictures of my new neices and nephews and my friends and their families. Having moved many times in my life, I have geography between me and many people that I care about.

    I am very careful not to post my commings and goings but not all my family and friends are as careful as I am. I'm guessing from your reply that you wouldn't mind people watching you online for a month without your permission and posing as your son to do so. Sorry, I do not have your level of confidence that I won't be hurt by some jerk my difficult child befriends. I have been beaten, stolen from, slandered and abused by difficult child and his associations in the past. Pardon me for being concerned beyond what you feel is normal.

    Shari and Seriously, Thank you for your imput. It is appreciated. -RM
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2011
  6. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    If you have given family members and personal friends heads up that your son is in jail, and the person posting is NOT him but the loopy girlfriend, I would definately delete him (and HER) from your FB list of friends. Really, nothing is to be gained or gleaned from her facebook postings except maybe high blood pressure.

  7. seriously

    seriously New Member

    Here are some ideas about how to block people on FB. Perhaps this would help you feel safer.


    I think it would not be out of line for you to ask friends and family to either e-mail you the photos etc or to post them to Photobucket or Snapfish or some other free photo viewing website so you can see them without going through FB.

    It's unfortunate that your son has made and continues to make such poor choices. Stealing because his girlfriend is pregnant makes no sense to me. While the girlfriend is clearly not good company, your son is the one who decided stealing was the answer to the problem of the moment. Your heart must ache and I'm sorry you've been through so much.

    Protect yourself. If you really are concerned that she's stalking you I would go to the police so they are aware of your concerns.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think you should unfriend your son's facebook page and put into place strict privacy settings on yours. That way only your 'friend's' can see your wall, pics, comments, etc., but this person cannot. Since you do utilize your facebook to keep in touch with long distance family, then it doesn't make sense for you to give it up for yourself. However, putting some careful and strict privacy settings into place is an important safeguard.

    In regards to her use of your difficult child's facebook page? That is between them - not you. Whether or not your son likes it, hates it, is against it or for it is thier business and it's up to him to get her to stop or give her his blessings. Whatever on that end. you don't know if he gave her permission or not, he's in jail whether it's his fault or hers - none of that is your problem. If your unsuspecting family 'friends' his page through her, they will eventually figure it out. Just turn the focus back onto you now.
    • Informative Informative x 1
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  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would block both your son and his girlfriend, and double-check your privacy settings. If you're concerned about things your family might let slip, give them a heads up that this girl is posting as your son, and then keep a close watch on what goes on your page.
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Marcie and Roses, I blocked them both. There is no baby to worry about so I do not need any contact with either of them. I notified my family to do the same and as you say it is their decision. They are safe, they are not living nearby and my daughters have differnt last names since they are married. I'm hoping girlfriend doesn't know them yet. Only my Aspie son might be still vulnerable and he says he won't have anything to do with difficult child anymore since he has been stolen from many times over the years.

    It does hurt that I can't even have this little bit of pleasure without difficult child and his questionable "friends" casting a cloud of over it. Unfortunately it is what it is.

    Seriously, Thanks for the link. I'm still not sure if I'm gonna report the situation to anyone. My family knows her name. She is not going to fly under the radar shoud something happen.

    KTmom, Done, thank you. -RM
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It sounds very much as though I have offended you. That wasn't my intent...

    I'm suggesting that you cannot control who posts what where. You cannot dictate how others share or not share email, FB accounts, "private" messages etc. And because you cannot control it - you should be automatically protecting yourself (as much as possible) at all times. I truly do NOT think you should be wasting your time trying to police Facebook.

    Most likely, this difficult child girlfriend is having fun "getting one over" on everyone who falls for her games.

    However, if you are seriously being stalked? that is another matter entirely and should be taken seriously. That should be reported to police.

    As far as my 'level of confidence' goes? I have been stalked - not online, but in real life....and that man made sure to let me KNOW I was being stalked. He would break into my house / car - vandalize my property and leave threatening messages. He's a scary human being. I had to learn not only to protect myself - but not to let his actions run my life.

    (FWIW - my real address and telephone number are a simple Google search away. If you wonder why I don't share my kids and things on FB - that's exactly the reason. I never assume that the folks on FB are "secure". I don't know who else reads their page....has their password....types updates and posts pictures from time to time. Based on the things I've seen my own difficult child do....I know that I cannot even trust family.)
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    You mention specifically that she is a thief and a liar - have you considered reporting her to whoever handles identity theft?
    Depending on the judges where you are, you could see about stalking charges. I know someone that got an R.O. against her birth mom for stalking not just in person but online and over the phone as well.
  13. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree that you should delete them as friends - but one thing I was not clear on. Are you in contact with your son? Does he know? I wasn't sure about that. If he doesn't care, I think it's a mute point. If he does care, have him give you his password then delete his account.

  14. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I would report it and let facebook decide what they want to do with it. I've seen people/pages reported for much less. Make sure your account is locked down - after you change your privacy settings you can click on a button that lets you view what one who is not a friend can see. You've already blocked them, so that is covered.
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sharon, I haven't talked to difficult child in a couple of weeks because he blew through the money I put in his telephone account. I told him to write me but he hasn't. I was beginning to think that he didn't have the money for a stamp and stationary. Then my sister told me he was posting on FB so I friended him so I could keep in touch. It was that private message (not a wall post) which I wrote to difficult child that this woman responded to. She said she was trying to keep his account open which is ridiculous since FBdoesn't close accounts unless you ask them to. She never said he asked her to do this or even implied it. But it is creepy because she is posting as him and sending friend requests and accepting them and even corresponded with my sister as difficult child. She has been doing this for a month yet this is the first time she told anyone it was her and not him. I immediately unfriended difficult child but she continued to message me and even sent another friend request to me. I now have both her and difficult child blocked and have told everyone I know that it isn't difficult child on the account. Some of the things she has posted (now that I know it was her and not my son) are really kinda sick. She has said things like "I love you XXX(meaning herself) you are all I have in this world." implying that his family doesn't care about him and knowing that my sisters, nieces, nephews and friends would see it. She talks incessantly about how she cannot wait to be with him (her). It is like she is trying to convince the family that they have this phenomenal love that will outshine the sun. And at the same time she is loking at pictures of new babies and weddings and homes and vacations etc. And noone has even met her not even me. Makes me sick thinking about it.

    Heather, thanks it is covered now I jsut have to decide if I want to report it or talk to difficult child first. -RM
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would report it to FB and the police. It is at a minimum identity theft and at most stalking. Both are dangerous and illegal. I would NOT tell difficult child, simply because he can do nothing about it and might even have arranged this as part of a scheme to get things from the family. Her posts sound like she is trying to get the family to accept her so she can start asking for gifts. Baby shower, wedding shower, emergency help because he got picked up by the cops but didn't do it and is in SERIOUS danger of being killed by someone who is "out to get him" in jail and you won't help because you are too hard on him and don't care kind of scamming/gifts.

    I have seen it happen to other people, using other websites similar to facebook.

    I would do the report to facebook simply to cut off this avenue of access to the family. If you do not report it to the police and then she does swindle people in the family or do something that causes serious harm to you in some way, then you won't have supporting evidence that she was using fb under your difficult children name acting as though she was him.

    This is a major reason that there is no photo of me on fb, no info about me really and why I do not post much at all. That and I figure if people who know me cannot bother to call or email even once a year then why would I think they would care about what I was doing, thought, liked or anything else. I find it kind of creepy to let a whole big group of people know what I like and don't - it is just none of their business and the more people who know you, the mroe people there are who can hurt you. Cause it is the people that know hwo you are that care enough to hurt you. Twisted point of view maybe, but it is what life experience has taught me. That and I am a big ole grump at times, lol.

    Whatever you choose to do, cut off any info to this girl and do not tell difficult child anything that you do not want her to know.
  17. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would report it. How they verify, I have no idea. But I certainly would contact Facebook. Perhaps they can take down his page.

    I think I would normally just say, delete her and don't give it another thought. But perhaps there is a reason she is building their relationship singly...

  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you Susie Star and LDM. You make some very good points. She does seem to be estranged from her family and honestly I can see why. Her page is public and really no one posts to her even though she posts status updates daily and sometimes more that that. She is supposedly engaged to difficult child but still seems to be seeking out men and yet she posted on his page (again as him) that all women should leave him alone because difficult child is with her now. She put up some cleavage shots the other day too and pictures of her new piercings. Tounge and eyebrow. UG! Thankfully difficult child has not gone down that route...yet.

    He is going to be in prison for at least year from my caculations. He goes to court on the misdemenor charges on thursday. He will most likely get time served and a fine on those. He then will be transported to the next state for trial on the more serious ones from last summer. He had a good lawyer for those but obviously that PD got turned off when difficult child didn't show for court twice in a row. Not sure how this is going to go down now. Like I said minimum a year.

    My point is that she will have control of his accounts (both FB and AOL) for quite a while if Let it slide. -RM
  19. I vote for reporting her to the police, Facebook, AOL, and any other accounts she might be using. Some people you can't trust any farther than you can shot put them.