I need respite, & they give me To-Do Lists...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Hanging-On, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Morning All, I was hoping for your thoughts on this. All "year" (that's 11 months), I've been asking difficult child Dr/Counseling group for respite (and THEY keep saying I need it). But on Friday I got a call from difficult child's Home Base Counselor who said that they want me to go to weekly parenting class, and also counseling. And they said they would really push me to do it. So they want me to do MORE now, instead of setting up respite for me. :grrr:

    Now here's why I'm upset about this. I'm tired and stressed because of all the things I have to do without any break from the boys at all. What would help me and my family is some respite so I can do something or do chores/errands without the boys. I have 'no' time alone, 'none'. And I need some 'alone time' to re-energized and come back to the battle refreshed. But instead of giving us what we "NEED", they are just loading me up with more responsibilities to do, which then spreads me thinner each week. This is not going to help me about being overwhelmed and pulled in to many directions which stresses me out, it's just going to add to it.

    I really feel like telling them that this Homebase counseling is not working, and that I'm stopping it. I mean, the only thing that these people have done is "1" morning chore chart, and filing out reports while they are here and that's it. Everything else is, "you must do this, you must read this, you must.....". I really thought Homebase was different than this. I thought they would come and be actively participating while here, but they're not. So what's the point of having them here, which interrupts our night, and makes the next day harder for all of us, especially difficult child who is extra tired and irritable. I have even told them that we need to move the night to Friday night, so that difficult child can sleep in Saturday, because right now it's making his week really hard for him and us. I just don't know if I want to remain in homebase services, but I will keep difficult child in his BMPS, which is after school M-F.

    Any thoughts guys would really help.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Ohhhh I would SO be on the phone with someone. First of all....like you said, you have no time to do anything so when are you going to be able to go to these classes? And these classes? HA! We had to take one that was court ordered when difficult child was in and out of court for various offenses. It was a joke. The techniques this lady taught might work for easy child's who just have a burr up their backside but they are completely useless for difficult child's. And if we commented on how we've tried this or that and it didn't work, we were just told that we didn't do it right or weren't consistent enough.

    *Big breath* Ok, so......I would call the person who brilliantly "suggested" this and tell them the following:

    Well Ms. So and so, I would love to go to these classes but with the paperwork/reports/appointments/homework/meltdowns/rages/insert multiple happenings here, I find that I'm going to need someone to help me with the boys while I attend this class. What time should I drop them off at your house? Oh and while they are there, you might want to lock up any valuables as the kids tend to break/steal/whatever is applicable things and I'd hate to see your house wind up looking like mine. But I'm not too worried seeing as how you are an expert and I'm totally confident that you'll be able to handle them with ease.

    And if that doesn't do anything, cry. Tears usually work wonders!

    I agree, that is absolutely ridiculous of them. I know you already have all of their paperwork to do but maybe if you did a journal for one week of all the things you have to do and deal with and sent it to EVERYONE, they would see exactly WHY you need some respite. Hugs and good luck.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Because I had personal experience with social services, being a foster mom and all, I never wanted them in my life to "help" us. I figured their "help" would be more negative than positive. I was also afraid that if we contradicted them, they'd say we were negligent and give us grief. I personally wouldn't want their home based services. JMO
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    As I understand the situation you are a working full-time mother with two really difficult special needs difficult child's.

    You have loads of "helpful" input from people who think they have all the answers if you just make your home into a mini bootcamp. Odd how that works.

    If it really worked so well then every time any of sent one of our kids off to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) they would come back fixed. Hmmm.

    Plus a home simply cannot be run that way without more people than one single mother. You would need at least 4 or 5 other people living in your home with you.

    Heck, I had my husband, a full time tech for my son 8 hours a day, a case manager, therapist, etc...and he still didnt turn out fixed!

    I would tell them you are one person, you will do what you can do. You appreciate all their help and input but you arent superwoman.

    Take from their ideas what you think you can do and use them. If charts work well with the incentives...go for it. Some kids need to see whats coming and need the concrete reinforcement.

    If the regular homebased isnt working...can it. You might actually enjoy the classes or therapy for yourself. Someplace to unload. IF...and only IF...they can provide childcare. We did the classes and therapy because it gave us a time to unwind from the stress of dealing with a very difficult difficult child. They understood us. My situation was a bit different from mustangs but my family therapy was with Corys therapist and the classes were with parents of kids just like Cory.

    I never did homebased. Corys tech kept him in the school and community. he didnt come in the house. Well...a few times they did if it was really bad weather or Cory was sick and couldnt go to school but for the most part, it was school and community.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Definitely sounds like they are wasting your time. I agree with-Janet.
    Take care.
  6. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear some neutral thoughts of yours. I agree with what ya'll have said. They truly are wasting my time, and causing my trouble then fixes. Thanks.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you aren't getting the respite you need. I hate when they say you need respite but aren't able to provide it! Hugs.