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Failure to Thrive
I need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="FallingIn" data-source="post: 760821" data-attributes="member: 26369"><p>If he wasn't so depressed, I would leave him where he is. But it is so difficult emotionally. He blames me for being born as well. I truly don't believe his most harmful issue is his drinking. It is his mental health issues - depression, social anxiety, self loathing. He is self medicating and to just stop drinking doesn't make the feelings he has go away.</p><p></p><p>I am going to ask him to make a list of conditions he will live by while here, and also what will be different when here vs there, as well as different here this time vs when he lived here before. Maybe if he comes up with the thoughts, he will be more committed to them. I'm probably just fooling myself. </p><p></p><p>He has a condition on his parole that he cannot see me or come anywhere near my house. I got that lifted temporarily, but I have been told I can revoke it at any time, no questions asked. To do this I have to call the police and say I want to revoke the condition and they will come and arrest him. So, I do have an out if he starts drinking at home and refuses to leave. He understands the consequences which will mean being sent back to the homeless shelter - plus probably back to court for violating his probation condition of 'no drinking'.</p><p></p><p>I wish I wasn't dealing with this. I do blame myself for how bad his emotional / mental health issues got. I kept thinking he'd outgrow what I was seeing when he was young. He has a medical condition that he didn't tell us until he was about 17, which results in him not being able to be intimate with girls. He has had 2 surgeries to try to resolve with no success - at least from his point of view (kind of a difficult topic to discuss with your son). I know that is where his anger stems from. He has said his greatest wish was to get married and be a Dad someday, but knows he can't ever have that. I feel so bad for him. He watches everyone he knows, sees everyone online who have relationships and it drives him crazy. He won't tell any therapist about his issue, and he says he regrets telling us as well. He is so embarrassed by his condition. That's why I hate the thought of abandoning him. I often wonder why he had to have this disability - of all people, one who is super sensitive and has always had really low self esteem. I can't tell him 'Oh well, you won't miss having a family of your own'. I think if I was in his situation I would be angry at the world too. </p><p>I just don't know how to help him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="FallingIn, post: 760821, member: 26369"] If he wasn't so depressed, I would leave him where he is. But it is so difficult emotionally. He blames me for being born as well. I truly don't believe his most harmful issue is his drinking. It is his mental health issues - depression, social anxiety, self loathing. He is self medicating and to just stop drinking doesn't make the feelings he has go away. I am going to ask him to make a list of conditions he will live by while here, and also what will be different when here vs there, as well as different here this time vs when he lived here before. Maybe if he comes up with the thoughts, he will be more committed to them. I'm probably just fooling myself. He has a condition on his parole that he cannot see me or come anywhere near my house. I got that lifted temporarily, but I have been told I can revoke it at any time, no questions asked. To do this I have to call the police and say I want to revoke the condition and they will come and arrest him. So, I do have an out if he starts drinking at home and refuses to leave. He understands the consequences which will mean being sent back to the homeless shelter - plus probably back to court for violating his probation condition of 'no drinking'. I wish I wasn't dealing with this. I do blame myself for how bad his emotional / mental health issues got. I kept thinking he'd outgrow what I was seeing when he was young. He has a medical condition that he didn't tell us until he was about 17, which results in him not being able to be intimate with girls. He has had 2 surgeries to try to resolve with no success - at least from his point of view (kind of a difficult topic to discuss with your son). I know that is where his anger stems from. He has said his greatest wish was to get married and be a Dad someday, but knows he can't ever have that. I feel so bad for him. He watches everyone he knows, sees everyone online who have relationships and it drives him crazy. He won't tell any therapist about his issue, and he says he regrets telling us as well. He is so embarrassed by his condition. That's why I hate the thought of abandoning him. I often wonder why he had to have this disability - of all people, one who is super sensitive and has always had really low self esteem. I can't tell him 'Oh well, you won't miss having a family of your own'. I think if I was in his situation I would be angry at the world too. I just don't know how to help him. [/QUOTE]
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