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Failure to Thrive
I need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760953" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I so agree with this. I have believed that what my son needed, I had to give, and I had within me. Neither one was true. I didn't have it to give, and so depleted myself I became ill. And I was wrong. What he truly needed was accountability. Was to experience the consequences of his choices and behavior. He needed to come up against the results of his actions and his inactions. Instead, I became the universal shock absorber. And I became ill.</p><p></p><p>I will state it again. What our children seek is to come up against themselves. So there is nobody to blame, nobody to hold responsible, except that person in the mirror. Of course they can keep deflecting responsibility. They may never do what they need to do. But we can at least remove ourselves from the behavioral chain. We can free ourselves from it. And this is the right thing to do. For us and for them.</p><p></p><p>On some level I still (wrongly) believe this in some part of me. That there is one last way that I can try to explain things (better), that he will understand. am unsure if this is a fantasy, wishful thinking--or if it's my responsibility as a mother--to be a guiding voice, no matter what. But the bottom line is that none of my words will do the trick. This is his life. His words to himself, about himself, and his life are those that matter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760953, member: 18958"] I so agree with this. I have believed that what my son needed, I had to give, and I had within me. Neither one was true. I didn't have it to give, and so depleted myself I became ill. And I was wrong. What he truly needed was accountability. Was to experience the consequences of his choices and behavior. He needed to come up against the results of his actions and his inactions. Instead, I became the universal shock absorber. And I became ill. I will state it again. What our children seek is to come up against themselves. So there is nobody to blame, nobody to hold responsible, except that person in the mirror. Of course they can keep deflecting responsibility. They may never do what they need to do. But we can at least remove ourselves from the behavioral chain. We can free ourselves from it. And this is the right thing to do. For us and for them. On some level I still (wrongly) believe this in some part of me. That there is one last way that I can try to explain things (better), that he will understand. am unsure if this is a fantasy, wishful thinking--or if it's my responsibility as a mother--to be a guiding voice, no matter what. But the bottom line is that none of my words will do the trick. This is his life. His words to himself, about himself, and his life are those that matter. [/QUOTE]
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Failure to Thrive
I need some advice
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