I need some one to help me through this one

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hilarity, Jul 20, 2008.

  1. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    difficult child not following probation orders, he's 18 - age of majority here is 19. I talked to Probation officer and told her where he was screwing up, curfew, sole my effexor (that's another story in and of itself), now Probation Officder was to Test difficult child and says she wants to placehim outside the home until he is 19 and make him a ward of the state now because where she wants to send him I could never afford. The pill situation - I was feeling normal Wednesday Thursday at end ofr day I just started crying and couldn't stop - cryied and sooo depressed all night -Friday wake up and still crying feel sick to my stomah and have dry heaves, dizzy, etc. by Saturday I was awfull, feeling the worst depression anyone cold possibly have had. Long story short difficult child or his friend hand taken my effexor and I had been eating empty capsuls. I was experiencing cold turkey withdrawal from Effexor after having been on it for two years. In court that Friday I bawled through the whole thing I was not in the right frame of mind and when judge asked me If I could make difficult child following the Probationj rules I said evidently not - during my blubbering - he then locked him up and now he won't be free for 6 months - your ideas please
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'm so sorry {{hilarity}}, for everything. I wish I had some ideas, but I really don't. But I did want to let you know I'm thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers that whatever the outcome, it's good for both you and difficult child.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hon, I would say it is out of your hands. At 18, your son is old enough to understand there are consequences for actions. As you told the judge, you can't control him or force him to follow the rules of probation. Apparently, the judge decided you were right and took the matter out of your hands.

    Take this six months to recuperate. Give yourself a chance to do a little healing. Your son will more than likely survive and quite possibly even learn a little something about the negative consequences life will give him if he continues on this path. We can but hope.

    Hopefully, your psychiatrist will be able to help you now that you've recognized you're suffering from withdrawal. For that alone, your son deserves a good, swift kick in the rear. For now, HUGS.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so sorry, but your son chose this path for himself. He knew when he was placed on probation what he had to do to stay out of jail. He chose to go to lock up. He will be fine. Maybe it will save him from serving a longer sentence later on. Like MB said, take this time to regroup. Look into programs that can help when he gets out. Take some time to heal yourself.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh that boy!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    How can he do that? Doesn't he know how dangerous that was for you? Oh he is so lucky that it is only 6 months!

    You take a few weeks to recuperate - get your strength back. If there is no chance of an early release, there is nothing you can do but know that he is being fed, clothed, sheltered, and watched.

    Once you are recuperated from the withdrawal, THEN you can start thinking about all your options. Find out the pros and cons of difficult child becoming a ward of the state - what is in it for you and him - what does it mean in all areas of his life? What will happen to him if this does not happen?

    Once you have taken EVERYTHING into consideration, THEN make your decision.

    You have 6 months and you have this board. Take a break and then start your lists.
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I also like what the others have had to say. You need to keep good thoughts that the treatment your son might be able to receive during the next six months will be helpful for him. I would tell him that he is to be hopeful and helpful and work on himself wherever they send him. In addition, your "job" is to immediately work with your doctor to find out what needs to be done with reference to this medication change and to also get the rest you undoubtedly need.
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Ditto everyone else. Take their advice and some from someone who has been there. They do need to serve their consequences - they will be better in jail than on the street and they will dry out from substances - take this time to rest and get better for you - your son will survive - mine did.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You've already gotten sound advice. Take this time to do some caring for yourself for a change and rest.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am with the others. Your son is 18 and these next few months wont hurt him. What he did to you could have been very dangerous. Not only by robbing you of your needed medications but by giving or selling that medication to someone else.

    You take it easy and dont worry to awfully much about your son. He will be ok. These kids seem to land on their feet.
  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ditto, ditto, ditto.

  11. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    I knew this was the place I needed to go. Talking to people at work, or even family, they just don't get it at all. To be honest, since he's been gone I'm sure life is as it should be - it seems foreign at this point. None of his moodswings going on - no door slamming - no staying up because it's midnight and he didn't come home for his 9 pm probation curfew. Just me and the dog, 8 month old German Shephard. I know in my heart that if difficult child doesn't get help now he will crash and burn in the adult arena. In the past 3 months he has been ticketed in adult court for a felony for taking a friend's mom's pills, having stolen goods, MIP, having beer in the park. He even changedd his $500 graduation check to $800 and cashed it (that was days after he got out of Juvenile lock-up the first time. Not to mention the Assault chanrge he still has pending in Juvenile court. I've never ever been in trouble with the law, I am a rule-follower. The whole court/police/etc. freaks me out. His old psychiatrist felt difficult child may have a personality disorder but then changed to Coduct Disorder.