I need some wording also

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Feb 9, 2010.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    husband is turning in all of his application stuff for his Masters program at school. One thing he has to do is write what basically amounts to an application letter. Between he and I we've written one but found out from husband's advisor that it needs to be between 500-700 words and it's only about 270. I will include what we have so far but I need to really flesh this out. Any suggestions?

    I have many reasons why I want to pursue my graduate degree. I am not as young as I used to be and there are many college graduates in the job market today with bachelor’s degrees. I believe that employers today are looking for the younger generation for help at a cheaper rate of pay. I feel that with my graduate degree in Human Resource it will help open additional opportunities for me. Additionally, an advanced degree will give me the factual knowledge I need to develop the personal skills needed to make my own mark within the field.
    My current employer has been supportive of me succeeding with my graduate degree. They understand that there will be times in which I will have to come in late or stay late to compensate for hours missed to attend class. My family, on the other hand, has always been supportive of me and my desire to better myself and be a better provider for them. My wife especially will help do or cover things that I normally do either within the family or the community so that I have the time I need to study and/or attend class. She has been my biggest supporter, save myself, through all of the years of my education.
    Personally, I have the drive and the want to pursue this degree. This is a chance to not only ensure myself a career but also to improve myself through education and accomplishment. During the time I pursued my four year degree from XXXXX, I have worked full time. This will continue through the graduate degree program but will not interfere.
    I respectfully ask that you accept my application to succeed in the Human Resource Graduate Degree program at XXXXX.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hmmmm....I'm not sure if the focus has to stay on why he wants this, but if not and you are looking for more things to write about in another paragraph, maybe he could touch on the economy and probable upcoming changes in the way businesses are handled (ie, an MBA would educate him in ways that allow innovation and flexibility in today's changing busiiness environment). Or how he thinks he'll be better able to contribute to his employer after getting an MBA.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I only have you at about 350, but you and husband can talk indepth about his schooling and employent histories:


    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am respectfully submitting my application for the XXX Master's Degree program at XXX University. I have multiple reasons for pursuing an advanced degree which I intend to outline in this letter.

    The most relevant reason for my application to this program is that it will increase my employment agility in a job market that is favoring education and experience over youth for the first time in decades. The XXX University Master's program in XXX is noted for its rigorous standards and favorable instructor to student ratio. These factors are key to my choosing this program as this will give me the best opportunity to thoroughly increase my knowledge base. Employers today are looking for the right mix of experience, education and energy in their employers. I have the experience and the energy and now need to improve my educational standing.

    I received my bachelor's degree in XXX from XXX University in 19XX. Many changes have occurred since that time in our local and national economies that have greatly impacted the American workplace. I feel that now is an ideal time to further my education so that I will be prepared to help shape the American workplace in the coming decades.

    I have been working steadily in the field of XXX since that time with an emphasis in XXX. I have found that I am naturally proficient in areas of employee supervision, revenue generation, resource allocation/management, loss prevention and compliance to labor law. While my Bachelor's degree and work experience have helped my tremendously in developing my talents, I do believe your program will help me to fine tune my skills and bring me to the next level thus adding to my overall sense of satisfaction in my work.

    Furthermore, I am fortunate to find myself in the position of having a great amount of support for pursuing this degree from both my family and my current employer, XXX, where I currently hold the position of XXX. I value education and the opportunity to work toward earning this degree. I respectfully request that you accept my application to the XXX University Human Resource Graduate Degree program.


    Mr. Mstang67chic
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    tm has written a great professional sounding letter..... I would only add a few lines about how husband has an advantage of being employed and how his work experience will compliment masters degree instruction by seeing how classroom principles are applied in the work atmosphere..... husband would be an asset to the classroom in discussion of "real world" application....... tm has fantastic writing abilities so I would defer to her on the written wording.......
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I like TM's....very eloquent.

    I like mine too.....


    Foshizzle....My Deanizzle.....

    Like dig this......my main main on cam......pus.

    I got my edumacation like back a long time ya know, and well thay ain't no good jobs out heaar for a smooth cat like myself. I could go on and on about how fine I am and all my mad skillz, my lovely old lady, my crib, sweet ride, and dos' K-9ines, but I want your fokus on me brother. I'm one smooth operator. (next paragraph indent)

    Back wehn I wuz in High School everyone said I would go far. I did. I moved all the way from California to New York. ha ha. No seriously, (put comma here) Then I came here to go to school and got my first job as line cook at Burger King. I no you are thinking that's not much but within a week I was runnin' a register and had the keys to the supply room. Pretty impressive I know. Then some whacked girl sed I tried to. That's not impoartent, take that part out. My next employemtn I got hooked up with some dude selling roses on the street corner. (make this sound like a business venture) I was an entreprenure. I would buy and sell my own flowers and made money, kept two sets of books successfully and was doing fine. Then I started night school to further advance my career in business.

    I got my Associates degree when I met 10000 people on line at facebook. You can see my facebook page. It may not sound like a lot, but you really have to stay home a lot to meet that many associates. I already had my bachelors degree before I met my sweet ole lady - you know she ruined that when she stuck that ring on my finger but it's okay by me. Fringe benefits and all. I'm working on my Masters now to advance my career and hope that Twitter doesn't crash and possibly can get my degree in Google before I'm too old. I know I'd do a good job with you sir, cause I'm a good typer, quick learner, and I enjoy sitting for 8-9 hours at a time. Try me.

    Respcetfuly yours,

    The dude that wants the job -