Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need to be here
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666964" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is my own personal opinion on advocating because I had to do a lot of it. One child is on the autism spectrum, the other has learning disabilities. Both did well and are out of high school now, but it was a lot of work for us, the parents, to get them the help they needed. Schools are not your friend. You have to have help going in with you, such as a well known, successful free advocate.</p><p></p><p>To me, when a child is uder 17 or is truly disabled, such as my autistic son used to be (I say used to because he's made so much progress), then we the parents should help all we can because the minor kids don't know how and have no power anyway.</p><p></p><p>Now, my definition of enabling is when a legal age child (18 or up) refuses to help himself and since he can legally thumb his nose at any help we give him/her (and they often do) we still hand them money, free cars that they didn't earn and expect us to keep up, let them verbally abuse us, enable them while knowing they are over drinking or using illgegal drugs, or stealing from us and not pressing charges, etc.</p><p></p><p>In some cases, I think 18 is young. The law, however, doesn't agree so we have no choice but to let our late developers learn to grow up or they will end up in trouble. I do feel, and this is my own personal boundary, that by age 21 they should be on their own if they decided not to go to college, are disrupting the house, are disrespectful, are refusing to work, are sleeping all day, are using drugs, are depending on us to pay for all their toys, etc.</p><p></p><p>To me, the older our grown children get the harder it is to help them move on and I also believe we need to send them a strong and loving message, no matter how angry they get at us, that we KNOW they are capable and would be insulting them not to allow them to walk on their own. When we pity them ad still do their dirty laundry and put up them smoking pot in the house, we are showing them that we have no faith in their ability to be responsible and that we will treat them like a child because we don't think they can make it. That is how I see it. </p><p></p><p>If they are very disruptive, many of us have had, after all else failed, to ask them to leave a nd it's scary to do that, but often it does help the adult child turn around. Sometimes it doesn't, but living at home doesn't either as they do the same bad things from home that they do on the streets. They just use our house to sleep in and hang out sometimes with dangerous people who could hurt us and our other kids. We have to take everything into consideration. Difficult Child is not the only one who matters. We all matter.</p><p></p><p>So anyhow that is MY definition. Others may have different definitions.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and hoping for better days for you and your sad heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666964, member: 1550"] This is my own personal opinion on advocating because I had to do a lot of it. One child is on the autism spectrum, the other has learning disabilities. Both did well and are out of high school now, but it was a lot of work for us, the parents, to get them the help they needed. Schools are not your friend. You have to have help going in with you, such as a well known, successful free advocate. To me, when a child is uder 17 or is truly disabled, such as my autistic son used to be (I say used to because he's made so much progress), then we the parents should help all we can because the minor kids don't know how and have no power anyway. Now, my definition of enabling is when a legal age child (18 or up) refuses to help himself and since he can legally thumb his nose at any help we give him/her (and they often do) we still hand them money, free cars that they didn't earn and expect us to keep up, let them verbally abuse us, enable them while knowing they are over drinking or using illgegal drugs, or stealing from us and not pressing charges, etc. In some cases, I think 18 is young. The law, however, doesn't agree so we have no choice but to let our late developers learn to grow up or they will end up in trouble. I do feel, and this is my own personal boundary, that by age 21 they should be on their own if they decided not to go to college, are disrupting the house, are disrespectful, are refusing to work, are sleeping all day, are using drugs, are depending on us to pay for all their toys, etc. To me, the older our grown children get the harder it is to help them move on and I also believe we need to send them a strong and loving message, no matter how angry they get at us, that we KNOW they are capable and would be insulting them not to allow them to walk on their own. When we pity them ad still do their dirty laundry and put up them smoking pot in the house, we are showing them that we have no faith in their ability to be responsible and that we will treat them like a child because we don't think they can make it. That is how I see it. If they are very disruptive, many of us have had, after all else failed, to ask them to leave a nd it's scary to do that, but often it does help the adult child turn around. Sometimes it doesn't, but living at home doesn't either as they do the same bad things from home that they do on the streets. They just use our house to sleep in and hang out sometimes with dangerous people who could hurt us and our other kids. We have to take everything into consideration. Difficult Child is not the only one who matters. We all matter. So anyhow that is MY definition. Others may have different definitions. Hugs and hoping for better days for you and your sad heart. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need to be here
Top