I need to fix the glass now!

[aeroeng]

difficult child asked me this morning why I had not fixed the glass on some paintings he smashed a couple of months ago. I said because I did not want them broken again. He said that he was not going to break things anymore, or get mad and yell. He said when he gets frustrated he will leave and go to the basement where his room is until he calms down.

I had a hard time holding off the tears until I got to work. The things that frustrate him are still going to frustrate him. He will still have a difficult time managing them. But, he is committed to improvement!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such a huge step!

difficult child in training had a rough week. On Thursday he carried some frustrations to school and told the vice principle that he was going to get 4 checks today. When he gets this way she knows there is no reasoning with him and the best approach is to fill out the form for the four checks. husband complained that they were for silly things, until I explained why. On Friday difficult child in training decided he was going for an in school suspension and got it. He gets this week off and we are hoping to work on the frustrations.

 

[Star*]

aero -

I remember the days of broken everything, holes in the walls, toys torn up, bike smashed to bits, things broken all over the place. Finally I stopped repairing them, I stopped caring what anyone who came to my house thought abou the condition of my home. Either you're there to see me or the holes - you pick.

I still have one broken item that was precious to me - a one of a kind keepsake from my Mom. It's a hand painted china tea cup and matching saucer. He broke the cup......twice. I glued it the first time. THe second time I just left it.

Not too long ago he passed it in my house and said - "I thought you fixed that." I replied "I did, you broke it again." he looked at it, picked it up and said "Do you want me to fix it?" and I said - "Nope, I'll fix it when I am sure you won't break anything else - when I am sure, not you."

After that got broken we packed up EVERYTHING that was special or keepsake and it's still in boxes in my spare bedroom today. I'm sure that doesn't bother DUde - out of sight out of mind.....and I've put cheaper dollar store/yard sale things out to make it not feel like a morgue - but that one tea cup /broken still sits.

Maybe you should leave that one picture -

 

[aeroeng]

His new resolution was tested last night. He blamed me because he had forgotten how to play some of his favorite songs on his harp. (I did not force him to practice enough). He was very very angry, but yes he did not break anything, and he did not yell. Although he did snared some. This is still a major improvment.

I also packed away most of the nice things, and have holes in the walls which will not be fixed until they all move out. I have to hide my reading glasses or they get broken as well. Dollar stor veriaty, but still.

Maybe I should leave one.

 

[Stella]

I was thinking the other day that if any of us were ever to write a book about life with a difficult child "Holes in the Walls" would be a good title. lol!!

Aeroeng, this really is such a great step for difficult child. He is genuinely trying so hard!! Good luck working on the frustrations and hopefull he will continue on this path....

 

[aeroeng]

if any of us were ever to write a book about life with a difficult child "Holes in the Walls" would be a good title

Gosh, you know I like that! Why don't we! each of us could write one chapter. The book would be storys about living with a difficult child. What it is like, how we cope (or don't cope). There are so many miss-understandings about difficult children. It could help non-difficult child parents learn that it is not all the parents fault. And, difficult child parents learn they are not alone.

If we have troubles finding a publisher, we could always post it on lulu. (a free on-line self publishing company.)

What do you think? Any interest?

 

[Stella]

LOL! I love your enthusiasm Aeroeng. I'd defo be on for it. A very productive way to indulge our creative streaks!! Just leaving work now but will check back on this thread later to see if we have anybody else interested in adding their chapter (altought most of us could probably write a book or two each)!!

 

[Star*]

I think that idea has gone around once or twice - lol.....and personally? I'm still writing and gathering information for my book. Dude said all proceedes should benefit HIM since it's about HIM (and I think GOSH NO you aren't the LEAST bit narcissistic) - I'd use the money to run away (see vacation thread) lol. I'm looking for a place to go. hahah

Aero - I had a girlfriend who is a professional harpist. She was supposed to play at my wedding, but never showed up. Found out later her boss (my boss too) was so angry that I was getting married and moving away they forbid her to come and play or loose her job. WOW. So one of my customers in the music store I worked in came and played piano. IT wasn't as romantic - but in hind site? I'm glad there were no harp sounds upon marrying Satan - would have been too ironic.

 

[DaisyFace]

Found out later her boss (my boss too) was so angry that I was getting married and moving away they forbid her to come and play or loose her job. WOW.

Star--

You have a terrible stories about the people you've worked for (the "Bummer" story comes to mind)--have you just had a string of S.O.B.s for bosses, or what..???!!!???

--DaisyF

 

[aeroeng]

It was short lived: difficult child was still angry with me because he could not remember some of his favorite songs on his harp. It was bed time and he insisted that he watch TV in my room and only my room. husband said, "Fine lets move the TV". difficult child pulled on the cord trying to make it fall. husband grabbed him and wrestled him to the bed. They both went into the living room and made lots of noise. difficult child ended up with a bad nose bleed and husband called 911.

The police showed up. difficult child exaggerated all kinds of stories, trying to get husband in troubles. The police lectured difficult child stating that this is your parents house and you have to follow their rules. When he showed them the blood from his nose they told him ice on the back of the neck stops that quickly. The police refered us to the crises intervention hot line. A team came out and talked with difficult child (which helped a little) and they gave us a collection of different options. We got to bed around 2:00 am.

This morning he remains mad. I believe the best approach is to keep easy child and difficult child in training away, and to employ a strategy I call, "check, feed & leave". Check on him frequently, provide him food and needs, and leave when he starts picking on us. Stay away for a few hours and them come back and do it again.

He said he is giving up his music, and told me to get rid of the harp. This morning I put his harp in my van, afraid he might damage it. He called and said, "You really did get rid if it?". I said no it was just in the van, because I thought he would get mad if I left it. He said, "OK" and hung up. He has called me twice with simple questions, he is short and curt, but at least is talking. I believe it will take a week or so for him to get through the anger.

It is frustrating, because difficult child really never cared about watching the TV, he wanted to torment me. By husband reacting to that it accelerated. I wished husband would have let me simply go. But it is hard to walk that tight rope.

(good thing I never had time to fix the glass)