I need to learn to keep faith even when the outcome seems bleak

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, May 20, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Just after my post yesterday and the way I was feeling yesterday, how low I was regarding my father and his female victims etc ? I wake today determined to move past it for the time being, recognize I have no say in how this goes from here and accept that it might all be for nothing. Just as I was on my way to bed I checked facebook first to message difficult child. What did I find that has me up still this late, hours later?

    A message from my baby sisters other half sister. I had her age wrong. She is only 21, not 22-23 as I thought. She is a beautiful young lady. Not just in photos but in her words. Her sincerity, courage, bravery, honesty, strength. Beautiful is the only word that comes to mind. Gracious and dignified as well actually. So different than her mother. So much the woman I prayed she'd become instead of being out alone in the world, another broken spirit.

    We found through a series of a few back and forth messages, that we share a lot in common with our personalities. We both are strong willed, we both fought huge obstacles to try to stop him (her story, now that tonight I finally have details on it? Heart wrenching and only further causes me to see what a special young lady she is to have survived this. I lost it bawling when I read her elequont and heart felt thank you that she offered to me as appreciation for also loving our baby sister Josie and wanting to do anything at all to protect her. The way she told me her version of what happened, the version the crown attorney used it turns out TWICE to try to try him for this, the TRUTH. Well that is so different than her mothers (which i always did know). She didn't embelish, she didn't dramatize it. It was almost more tragic and haunting in her simplicity. I very much understand how the case fell apart, not once but twice. I definitely understand more tonight than I did before about why the crown who tried to nail him on behalf of this young girl, is still gunning for him and made sure her case stayed open and enforceable in the future if new things come up to bring it back into the courts. All it takes now is her to say she will.

    You know, having heard her story now, even if she says know, i can't judge her in a way I seem now to feel about my aunts who won't come forward. This young lady tried not once but twice. My heart broke to read her mother actually walked in on it at one point and STILL tells everyone this young girl "seduced" him. I never knew until tonight that both times this tried to go to trial, her mother drove HIM to court every day as a show to potential jurors that this young lady was NOT believed by her own mother. Can you all believe that? If she doesn't want to do this yet again, I can't blame her. She did fight the good fight, and in obstacles unimaginable. Oddly though, something from how she spoke to me and what she said (and what she didn't say too), I feel a kind of peace inside. Something strong and guttural is telling me she just needed someone to be with her in a way she KNEW she was supported and believed and not alone.

    Her grace in her responses was moving. Not only to see her be such a great person in spite of hte recent pain of this abuse and the loss of her entire family, but in spite of this monster mother who may have done more damage raising this young woman than my father could ever do in a the period he was in their lives. She is a true "over comer". She has much respect from me. She expressed the gift it was to talk to me and hear these things. She also thanked me for the heads up that detectives would be in touch. No anger. No expressions of upset that it is all raising its ugly head again. Just very honest thank yous and telling me what it has meant to know she isn't alone.

    If nothing else comes of any of this, if he is never brought to justice, there is beauty here in this mess today. She fought the good fight and came out of it a beautiful spirit. And a huge broken part of her was healed even further by hearing all of this tonight. His wounds on her can not hold her to the same degree now. To witness her emotions when releasing that burden is a gift I know I won't forget. Even if he thinks he "wins" if this all goes nowhere with courts, this young woman truly won today.

    I think I have hero worship of this young impish looking sister of my sister. I can't believe her monster mother has my sister living that sick life she leads. I am so glad to know my sister will grow into a adult soon enough and waiting for her is not just 1 big sister, but 2. And we both love her, we both live healthy lives with choices we don't regret, we both want to be in her life as true sisters in the ways that matter. That is a hope to look forward to as my sister grows from young teen to adulthood. Her mom might lie about both her sisters now, but it won't stick. Kids grow up to be adults who see their parents no longer with rose colored glasses. My sister is a smart girl. She's going to have questions that I believe she'll come to me and her other sister to get, and I know she loves both of us sisters too.

    Next time my spirits plummet and my faith in people diminishes as it did for me yesterday, I'm going to remember today. I despaired a day too soon. I never would have felt so bleak had this conversation happened yesterday. There was no need to feel nothing good come of it. Hopefully more good will come from all of this, but if nothing else happens, this young lady reaching out and hearing things she deserved to hear? Any pain I have had or will have on this topic is valid pain with a purpose. Maybe for now it can really be enough for that purpose to be limited to her liberation and her lonely feeling quelled. It certainly is no small feat.

    I must sleep now that the emotions are less severe, I think I'll sleep good tonight. Tomorrow I can wake with a smile, I didn't see this turn of events coming at all. It is as much a gift to me as she felt it was to her.

    Must remind myself to keep better faith.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Truly happy that there is some peace and comfort for you tonight. (((HUGS))
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so glad you two connected. I'm sure you both needed it. She will gain strength from you as you do from her. And younger sis......if she doesn't understand at this time (and I have a sneaky suspicion she does to some degree) she will as she grows more mature.

    It's not an easy battle by a long shot and it can take an emotional toll on even the most determined. When I was going through this with easy child years ago I knew the odds that we weren't going to win. (due to her age ect even though we had plenty of evidence) But having lived the hades of that type of abuse over an entire childhood, I was determined my child would know I had done everything within my power to see that justice had been served, that not only did I believe her, that I would do whatever it took to attempt to protect her.

    You're in my thoughts often, and my prayers are with you.

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Quite a breakthrough. Bravo to you both.

    Beautifully written, and so often true: Next time my spirits plummet and my faith in people diminishes as it did for me yesterday, I'm going to remember today. I despaired a day too soon.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This brought tears to my eyes, I am so happy for you that you've made this connection and you and your sister were able to bring a little peace to this situation. Big hugs~
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. You two are the only sane ones. :Grouphug:
  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I love the PS. You two are the only sane ones. Gosh I feel that way most days!