Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by feelinalone, Feb 29, 2008.
"Are we having fun yet?" is the question that I tend to ask myself in these situations.
If I were you, I think I'd make a list (not for him, for you) of potential consequenses. See, it seems like he's more interested in weighing his options. "If I do this, that will happen....hmmmm, so what, this will get a bigger reaction, it's worth no cartoons for Saturday". Have an arsenal ready that you put together in a calm moment and tweak it as the needs arise.
If he won't clean everything up (the mess he made in the morning was enough to drive a saint crazy), let him know that there will be no outside trips (where ever you might have taken him on the weekend) on Saturday. Watch his reaction - then you can add more as you see fit. ULTIMATE RULE HERE: Do not dish out more than you're willing to do and do not handle it passionately. If he starts with that's not fair, well, that's my decision...I'm the mom, I decide.
Good luck with it kiddo! Also, ask the garage if they'd be willing to pick you up and you'll return the mechanic unharmed. Most of them are willing to do that around here!
Ugh. I hate days like that. I swear I can see the little devil horns sticking out of Duckie's forehead when she pulls that garbage. Personally, I think I'd tell him he's welcome to wear his pj's to school, but he *will* be on that bus. Especially if I thought he were being manipulating. Here's the trick, though: don't yell. I find whispering it through clenched teeth rather effective. And I have this look on face, like I can see right through her (seriously, if looks could kill...) She tends to know I mean business then.
When they get to the point of asking the consequences, they are weighing the "is it worth it?" options. That's when I pull out the big guns. In my difficult child's case, it's watching wrestling, playing with-his wresting cards and dolls, and playing with-his friend, Henry. So I calmly say, "No playing with-Henry." CALMLY. That's when you get into the shower and shut him out. (That's easy now ... my difficult child is 11 and going through the gross-naked person-stage, so I can threaten, 'If you keep bugging me, I will take off my bra and put on my jammies in front of you." Sends him running every time, LOL.)
IOW, as Beth said, make a list, mental or otherwise, and memorize it and use it consistently.
And as TM said, he can go to school in PJs. (Okay, I have put uniform dress code pants in the trunk because I know he'll renig when we get to the pkng lot, but at least we're on time!)
I'm glad you walked home and burned off steam. I always wear good sports shoes to get my car repaired just in case that happens.
Sorry about your day.
I have also told my difficult child to get dressed, hassled through mornings like this (and I am SOOOOO not a morning person - about 2-3 years ago husband and the kids sat me down and asked me to let them handle mornings, not to get up and supervise mornings - just do the drive to school!!), and hated every single minute.
We worked with a counsellor who told us to just tell difficult child "We are leaving at X oclock. You will be going in whatever you are wearing that day."
We then made sure his clothes are all OK for school - got rid of a bunch he had gotten with "cute" sayings. So whatever he picked might or might not match, but that is HIS issue.
I do remember telling him one very cold Feb morning that if all he had on when it was time to leave was his underwear, he WOULD be going to school in that.
Brat went and told his teacher that I made him stand outside in his underwear all night. His idiot teacher believed the "poor little abused thing" and sent him to the principal for "breakfast" (always cookies, every single time and he KNEW this!). Principal called me. She had to check the story out.
I felt sucker-punched. I asked her if he had frostbite anywhere, cause it was below zero with the windchill. She said no. I asked how that could be if he was locked out all night.
In 3 interviews with 3 different people (teacher, principal, school district counsellor) he had 3 completely different stories. The principal indicated this meant he was highly emotionally disturbed. Ya Think???
This is probably about the worst you will get. Show as little emotion as possible. Use a timer if he is not able to tell time, and DON'T back down or bluff. It will not hurt him long run to go to school in pajamas. Not at all. It also won't hurt if his clothes don't match. Get a button made or print stickers that say "I dressed myself" and if you just can't stand what he is wearing, put it on him.
Sorry about the mess. You may have to work with him to get it all done. It is so hard when they know our weaknesses and play with them.
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