I need you guys.I really really need you right now.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Mar 7, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I just found out a few minutes ago my best friend who was more like my little sister than just a best friend OD on heroin last night. I am devastated, crushed, heartbroken. She had been in outpatient rehab for the past 6 months and on methadone. But I knew she'd been attempting to cheat every chance she got.

    She left behind a 9 year old and a 14 year old. I know her family has to be shattered. I am about to go over there and offer what comfort I can, if any. I'm not in such grand shape myself.

    My best friends number is on my caller ID for last night. I didn't answer the phone. I was upstairs napping and husband probably didn't hear it. That makes me feel even worse. What if, like before, she was making a cry for help and I didn't get the call? I suppose it could've been her family trying to tell me what had happened........but somehow I've got the feeling she was trying to call me and I wasn't there for her.

    I've known for a while that my friend was going to commit slow suicide with the drugs. It doesn't make it any easier having known that beforehand. It doesn't make it any less painful. It doesn't make me any less furious. I am shaking with rage.......and I've no one to direct it at. Rage because she was a brilliant, funny, sweet, tender hearted soul before the drugs took over. She wasn't strong enough to battle her demons, instead she escaped thru drugs and alcohol.

    My God she was only a year older than stepgfg. 31 yrs old. A life wasted. Two boys left without a mother.

    And it never needed to be that way. It is just so d*mn wrong!

    I'm heading to her mother's house now. I should be studying. But I can't in good conscience do that. These people are like family to me. I may not stay long, but I've got to at least show them I care, that I love her too, and share their pain.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Lisa, I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a heartbreaker. :flower:

    You cannot, cannot, (and I repeat!) cannot take responsibility for not being at your phone last night when that call came through. I grew up with a suicidal parent and have a friend who also has suicidal tendencies and with both I had to come to the place of realizing that they and they alone are responsible for the choice to live or die.

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Lisa. I know that you have your friend have struggled with this demon for many years. It hurts that your friend called you and that you missed the call at what appears to be a crucial time. I know that in your heart you know that this is not your fault.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Lisa, I'm so very sorry. I know how hard it has been for you the past few years to watch your friend go through this. I understand your anger.

    Like SRL said, you cannot take responsibility for not being at your phone. There is nothing that you and her family haven't tried to do to help her. The addiction was just too strong.

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry to read this, Lisa. I think I read a thread from you months ago-maybe last year- about your concerns for her. Remember that you did do all you could for her as a friend. I'm just sorry that she fought the rehabilitation and was beaten by the addiction and that her family and friends have to go through it all. Stay strong- she had to be the one to accept help and help herself.
  6. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sending hugs for support........... just a crying shame what drugs do................
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I am so very, very sorry that you have lost your good friend. What a horrible waste of a young life, and how awful for her family and friends. Although doing drugs is really a slow, drawn out suicide, like SRL said, it is in NO WAY your fault or your responsibility. If she OD'd, it was probably accidental and that phone call, if it was her, probably was not some cry for help, just a phone call. More than likely it was someone from her family calling you to tell you what happened.

    We're pretty well expecting the inevitable phone call like that from my ex's family in Florida. It might be tomorrow or it might be next year, but it will come. And this much I know for sure - there is NOTHING that you or anybody else could have done if she was not strong enough or motivated enough to help herself. It sounds like she struggled with this for a very long time, but she's finally at peace now. Sending many warm gentle hugs to all who knew and loved her.
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Warm comforting thoughts for you and your family and for your friend's family as well. Addiction is an absolute beast. Don't beat yourself up over the phone call.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw hugs Lisa. You have spoken about this friend many times on this board. I know how much you loved her and she knew it too. Addiction is sometimes just stronger than a person can manage. Im so sorry for her family and her friends but she is now at peace.
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry for your loss and all the pain you're feeling. I hate addiction. {{{Hugs}}}
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Thinking of you tonight...
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so terribly, terribly sorry, Lisa.

  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Lisa. Sending many hugs and prayers for you and the family.
  14. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Lisa, I am so sorry. I HATE DRUGS. I hate what they do to good people. I hate what they do to the family and friends of those people. I know you are in pain, but remember that you couldn't control her choices, as much as you wanted her to get well, she was fighting a battle that had to be won by her. And once again, drugs won. It is just so sad.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Adding my thoughts, I'm sorry. I recall you speaking of this friend and how it pained you to see her destroying her life. I'm sorry it has come to this end. Be there for her family, but be gentle with yourself as well. Hugs~
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm so terribly sorry Lisa.

    Drugs are just so....evil. They shatter so many lives. So many that aren't even involved.

    Many, many hugs and prayers.
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thank you everyone.

    I'm just at a loss right now. The anger won't subside enough for me to cry.

    I paid my respects to her family and got quite a bit of facts straight. Which in some ways makes it worse. She didn't pass last night but just a few hours ago. I accidentally wound up meeting with her Mom and sister right after they finished being interviewed by police. That's how soon it had happened. So that phone call last night won't haunt me. Her Mom said she'd seen no evidence of recent drug use, but my friend had confessed to me of her cheating. However her Mom said that friend had been having major issues with her kidney's failing due to the drug abuse and she suspected that might have been what happened.

    The police are suspecting foul play and have ordered an autopsy.

    It's probably just a case of rotten timing. But her estranged husband had just brought her boys home from visitation. There is a history of domestic violence (both directions). But friends Mom told me she had called over to the house about 2pm to talk to friend. The 14 yr old went to wake her up, came back to the phone and said he thought something was wrong because he couldn't wake her up. So the Mom raced over there and the rest you already know.

    Do I think the estranged husband did it? I seriously doubt it. Once they'd seperated they actually got along pretty well. The 14 yr old called his Dad once his grandma got there and he came back into town to be with the boys. Since they were never divorced or even legally seperated the entire responsibilitiy of everything falls onto him. He just stopped by to make sure he had my correct phone number and asked if I remembered friend saying she wanted to be cremated. I said I didn't remember her saying it outright but I did know she wasn't opposed to it. The poor man is searching for things to do in order not to break down. He and friend had been together since they were 12 yrs old. Even with all the bad junk in the later years...........they basically grew up together. And they loved each other deeply in their own way.

    14 year old is in shock. Family is worried because he is behaving as if it's just any other ordinary day. The 9 yr old (think Travis, except for the age difference they're identical) he is just lost and very confused.

    Due to the police autopsy I have no clue when the funeral will be. I don't know how I'm going to swing it with a week full of tests, but I will not miss it. I gave up attempting to study for an exam tomorrow. I have far too many memories running thru my brain to concentrate.

    We did our best to get her the help she needed. She just wasn't strong enough to take it. I know that, and I've known it for some time. But like I said, it doesn't make it any easier. When they're alive you still have that faint glimmer of everlasting hope that they will finally accept the help and want to live. Once they're gone..........there is no more fooling yourself. And I keep thinking over and over........such a waste, a horrible pathetic waste. She had amazing potential, she could've been anything she wanted. And she was so weak she threw it all away.

    I am so angry at her. Right or wrong. I'm furious with her. To do this to her children, her mother, her family who have went bankrupt attempting to help her. I'm angry for her for the 14 yr old to have had to find his mother dead and not know if it was natural causes or if she ODed. I'm angry at her for just giving up on life when she had so d*mn much to offer the world. I'm angry at her because her children will carry this memory of her with them forever. No child should ever have a memory like that.

    I'm sorry. I'm not dealing with this well. The tears will likely hit me sometime in the night when my guard is down. And when I'm done being angry I'll start hurting for her and that might be worse.
  18. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    That's just really sad. I'm so sorry to hear that Lisa. Sending lots of hugs your way.
  19. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Saying that I'm sorry just sounds so futile, but that's all I can do. I remember that you spoke of your friend often. She was lucky to have you. Some times love just isn't enough. Big, gentle hugs to your hurting heart.
  20. mog

    mog Member

    Sorry to hear--sending lots of support and hugs your way.