I need your best advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by loricbme, Jul 28, 2007.

  1. loricbme

    loricbme New Member

    What is your best basic advice on things to do in life and home with-difficult child. For instance, having a routine or having house rules. What type of discipline works best for you? I know this is kind of vague but I feel like I need advice on how to get started to try making things better.
  2. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I have found collaborative problem solving to work the best. I know everyone has a different situation....of course the right medication did a world of good as well, and assisted in this.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Collaborative problem solving (a la The Explosive Child by Ross Greene) works best here, too. But getting an accurate diagnosis followed by the proper interventions also made a world of difference for all three of my kids.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    No yelling allowed - by anyone. Everyone being given permission to walk away from an escalating situation for a period of time enough to ensure everyone has a chance to calm down before discussing situations that cause tension.
  5. loricbme

    loricbme New Member

    Thanks! That's exactly what I'm looking for. Sometimes living in a situation makes it easy to overlook the small things and the ability to make sense of it all.
  6. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    One quick thing that has worked well for us...a marble jar.

    I have two glasses on the kitchen counter, over the sink. Each one is labeled with my kids' names. Everytime they obey me the FIRST time I ask them to do something, they get a marble.

    Rule #1 If they ASK for a marble, they won't get one

    Rule #2 If I see that anyone has been touching the marble jars or moving them, I will dump them all out and they will have to start again

    Rule #3 They can't LOSE a marble for bad behavior

    Rule #4 They can spend their money on anything except candy or food (my personal rule because my son would load up on candy)

    When they fill their glass, they get $5. I have previously had them earn a hot fudge sundae at a favorite local ice cream parlor when they filled their glass.

    It also helps when they don't obey me the first time and I say, "You could have gotten a marble for that if you obeyed me the first time."
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Having a routine can help a lot, especially if your kids are Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or ADHD. The undisciplined nature of the condition almost screams for routine and love of rules.

  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    We keep to a strict routine. Same bedtime every night. Same routine at shower time (i.e., shower, brush teeth, brush hair). Same routine in the morning (i.e., come down, take medications, eat breakfast, brush teeth). Same after school routine (sit down at the table, homework, get snack). Every day, no change. We had to start with chart type posters up so the boys could remember when they were younger. Now, we don't need them.

    Consistent consequences (i.e., if you don't do your homework, you don't play the Playstation) that NEVER change are good too. So, for instance, I don't tell them today if they don't do their homework they can't play the Playstation and tomorrow tell them they don't get snack. It's the same, all the time, every time.

    My best piece of advice: say what you mean and mean what you say. Do not ever make a "threat" or promise and not follow through (i.e. "if you don't do what I tell you I'm going to ground you for a year").

    Good luck
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Routine and consistancy in daily activity, rules, and dicipline were vital for us. As they grew up I added in some creative parenting so they could do more thinking for themselves.

    I have a thing about telling a child a consequence and then changing it. (husband used to do this) If you say such and such is the punishment, then stick to it or it has no effect. So I tried hard to think up situations and what I'd do before hand to avoid it.