mattsmom27
Active Member
Hi everyone. Once again I am turning to you all for some prayers and uplifting positive vibes or whatever else is in your arsenal. I am letting this out here because I don't have anywhere else to turn to for it, without confiding to real life people what I'm not able to confide in them.
I mentioned earlier this week about stress hives etc without saying what caused it. This is hard for me to put here but god I really just need some sort of encouragement that somehow I'm going to feel better and be okay.
Last week I went out of town with a friend. She put us in a very bad situation and left me there alone in it. I ended up being sexually attacked, although I fought back and the small blessing is that while I couldn't avoid being violated, I wasn't fully raped. I have seen my doctor and am on a arsenal of medications. My hives arne't worse, but no better. I did intake today at the local sexual assault center and have a first therapy session schedules for Tuesday, which quite frankly I wish was tomorrow, but I'm hanging in there.
I feel very alone as my family all suck and are so vacant and not in my life. I have no real close friends so that is out. I am really counting on therapy to help me and although I am proud I went to the doctor and dumped it all on him and asked for the referall, I am scared of the process and don't know how to begin to heal. I am a rape survivor from when I was 15 and held by someone in a hotel for 5 days of abuse. 17 years later I am still not fully healed. This has sent me spiralling and undid so much work I'd done through the years.
I know intellectually things will get easier and I will feel better, but today just sucks and I'm really needing somebody else to send the word to the man upstairs that enough is enough right now, that I can't take anymore.
I can't even believe I am sharing this here on the board, but a week after all of this, I am still sitting in this state and I know I have to do something about letting it out somehow, just even saying it through typing to strangers is better than it hiding like some dirty secret inside.
I have to find a way to stop crying. I have crushed/damaged cartilage in the tip of my nose and blowing sucks!
Melissa
I mentioned earlier this week about stress hives etc without saying what caused it. This is hard for me to put here but god I really just need some sort of encouragement that somehow I'm going to feel better and be okay.
Last week I went out of town with a friend. She put us in a very bad situation and left me there alone in it. I ended up being sexually attacked, although I fought back and the small blessing is that while I couldn't avoid being violated, I wasn't fully raped. I have seen my doctor and am on a arsenal of medications. My hives arne't worse, but no better. I did intake today at the local sexual assault center and have a first therapy session schedules for Tuesday, which quite frankly I wish was tomorrow, but I'm hanging in there.
I feel very alone as my family all suck and are so vacant and not in my life. I have no real close friends so that is out. I am really counting on therapy to help me and although I am proud I went to the doctor and dumped it all on him and asked for the referall, I am scared of the process and don't know how to begin to heal. I am a rape survivor from when I was 15 and held by someone in a hotel for 5 days of abuse. 17 years later I am still not fully healed. This has sent me spiralling and undid so much work I'd done through the years.
I know intellectually things will get easier and I will feel better, but today just sucks and I'm really needing somebody else to send the word to the man upstairs that enough is enough right now, that I can't take anymore.
I can't even believe I am sharing this here on the board, but a week after all of this, I am still sitting in this state and I know I have to do something about letting it out somehow, just even saying it through typing to strangers is better than it hiding like some dirty secret inside.
I have to find a way to stop crying. I have crushed/damaged cartilage in the tip of my nose and blowing sucks!
Melissa