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Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751488" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the first thing to do is to identify what your priorities are and what your limits are, in yourself, not with her. The next thing is to stay in the present. </p><p>I don't know what is a gateway. Is that the modem? Is there something you have that she wants? Maybe you could trade?</p><p></p><p>My sense is that she has to be willing to accept her part in this, and be willing to give something, do something, intend for something positive to happen, in order to work this out, for anything to work. Until she is willing to do so, it will be you dancing alone.</p><p></p><p>She may be basically kind, good hearted, decent, sweet, well-meaning, etc., but until her intention is to live better, not through you, but through her own efforts, this will not work. Not even a little bit. Because it is built on a mirage, based upon our wishes and wanting. </p><p></p><p>I have stated here on this forum over and over again, my belief that I as a parent have the obligation to insist that my son live life well, near me. Over this I have absolutely no control. But I can hold this as my bottom line. I am in the same kind of negotiation with my own son. I refuse to have him near me if he lives badly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751488, member: 18958"] I think the first thing to do is to identify what your priorities are and what your limits are, in yourself, not with her. The next thing is to stay in the present. I don't know what is a gateway. Is that the modem? Is there something you have that she wants? Maybe you could trade? My sense is that she has to be willing to accept her part in this, and be willing to give something, do something, intend for something positive to happen, in order to work this out, for anything to work. Until she is willing to do so, it will be you dancing alone. She may be basically kind, good hearted, decent, sweet, well-meaning, etc., but until her intention is to live better, not through you, but through her own efforts, this will not work. Not even a little bit. Because it is built on a mirage, based upon our wishes and wanting. I have stated here on this forum over and over again, my belief that I as a parent have the obligation to insist that my son live life well, near me. Over this I have absolutely no control. But I can hold this as my bottom line. I am in the same kind of negotiation with my own son. I refuse to have him near me if he lives badly. [/QUOTE]
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I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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