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Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 751539" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>In Al Anon, and for us we believe the principles apply to everyone, addicted loved ones or not, we are not taught to do anything for anyone that the person is capable of doing for herself. Nothing. Adults do what they can do without Mom or Dad. They are usually starting to look after us by now, but that doesn't happen much from what I read about these Peter Pan kids. </p><p></p><p>I am a huge fan of Radical Acceptance. Look it up or read Tara Beach's book. The past is over and no longer our current reality. The future is a blank slate. All it causes is our imagination, which is not reality, to go wild and cause fear. If you believe in God, He said fear is the opposite of love. You cant love completely and feel fear. I buy this and find it to be true. I live for today. For the moment. The current moment is our only true reality. Everything has happened before or is our imagination and may never happen. All of us only have NOW as our reality. This has helped us cope in every way and in every bit of life. </p><p></p><p>What ypur daughter does in the future is not yet a concern. Today, right now, is reality. With you. With me. With our kids. With our unknown futures. </p><p></p><p>Don't overthink, another nugget of wisdom I learned. Our mind can trick us. The ego mind tells us the very worse scenarios. It is also often wrong.</p><p></p><p>The reality of now, mindfulness, Al Anon, therapy and especially Radical Acceptance have helped us move forward. Nothing else did. If interested, look up what you can on Youttube and listen. Buy appropriate books. </p><p></p><p>We let Kay abuse us. Today we would disconnect the phone call. I would love to have normal access to my grandson, but I can't. Its the reality of my NOW. I pray about it. I cant force Kay to not put strings on our visiting him. I have toou much respect fore to grovel. Not today or NOW. Groveling before never worked and came with conditions.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, I don't like to talk about this, but I think I already mentioned that I had a child who died. It never goes away but nobody can take that childs place in my heart either. </p><p></p><p>So both of us have had challenges but we are still here, soldiers, so to speak.</p><p></p><p>We are strong. You are strong. You can do this. In the moment. Your way.</p><p></p><p>When Kay stole, nobody wanted her to have a police record, although technically she was a thief. She never got consequences. So here she is now, in the moment, all three of us the people we are due to all we did in our past, good and not so smart. But we let her off and in the NOW if she steals, and she may, there are consequences she never reaped from us. We can't change it and you are the only ones who can decide what to do. Now. Today. I hope you find peace in what you do. </p><p></p><p>God bless you, if He is in your life. Be sure to stay well and safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 751539, member: 23706"] In Al Anon, and for us we believe the principles apply to everyone, addicted loved ones or not, we are not taught to do anything for anyone that the person is capable of doing for herself. Nothing. Adults do what they can do without Mom or Dad. They are usually starting to look after us by now, but that doesn't happen much from what I read about these Peter Pan kids. I am a huge fan of Radical Acceptance. Look it up or read Tara Beach's book. The past is over and no longer our current reality. The future is a blank slate. All it causes is our imagination, which is not reality, to go wild and cause fear. If you believe in God, He said fear is the opposite of love. You cant love completely and feel fear. I buy this and find it to be true. I live for today. For the moment. The current moment is our only true reality. Everything has happened before or is our imagination and may never happen. All of us only have NOW as our reality. This has helped us cope in every way and in every bit of life. What ypur daughter does in the future is not yet a concern. Today, right now, is reality. With you. With me. With our kids. With our unknown futures. Don't overthink, another nugget of wisdom I learned. Our mind can trick us. The ego mind tells us the very worse scenarios. It is also often wrong. The reality of now, mindfulness, Al Anon, therapy and especially Radical Acceptance have helped us move forward. Nothing else did. If interested, look up what you can on Youttube and listen. Buy appropriate books. We let Kay abuse us. Today we would disconnect the phone call. I would love to have normal access to my grandson, but I can't. Its the reality of my NOW. I pray about it. I cant force Kay to not put strings on our visiting him. I have toou much respect fore to grovel. Not today or NOW. Groveling before never worked and came with conditions. Lastly, I don't like to talk about this, but I think I already mentioned that I had a child who died. It never goes away but nobody can take that childs place in my heart either. So both of us have had challenges but we are still here, soldiers, so to speak. We are strong. You are strong. You can do this. In the moment. Your way. When Kay stole, nobody wanted her to have a police record, although technically she was a thief. She never got consequences. So here she is now, in the moment, all three of us the people we are due to all we did in our past, good and not so smart. But we let her off and in the NOW if she steals, and she may, there are consequences she never reaped from us. We can't change it and you are the only ones who can decide what to do. Now. Today. I hope you find peace in what you do. God bless you, if He is in your life. Be sure to stay well and safe. [/QUOTE]
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