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Parent Emeritus
I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677004" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>sooooooooooo tired, you have a beautiful cat (animal lover here. They are so therapeutic, no?)</p><p></p><p>soooooooo tired, you don't need to help us now. Those of us who have been there and done it are ready and willing to share. It is your time to try different things and to heal. The first step could be to limit your calls and texts to your daughter. There is no rule saying, "Aha. A text from Daughter. It is probably abusive or asking for money." You can decide"I won't look at it today." Or "I'll delete it today." If your daughter can text, she is doing ok. Even if she isn't doing ok, you can't change anything.</p><p></p><p>Google up t he concept of "Radical Acceptance." This has helped me tons. It may not help you, but it's a different way of looking at all of our problems and problem people. It means accepting them as they are without judgment. I found the judgment part hard, but am mastering it slowly. Accepting somebody as he/she is was a snap, although a painful snap regarding a few in my family of origin. But I think I'm there. They are who they are. I can't do one thing to change them OR to change the situation. Neither can you, and our angst does not make it better or them better. It just pulls us back.</p><p></p><p>I assume you have other loved ones, friends and others who appreciate you. I choose to focus on helping myself by being good to me and focusing on my loved ones who are capable of loving me back. I would go mad if my focus was on my peeps who are mean to me. That doesn't mean you don't have to love your daughter. Just know t hat with Borderline (BPD) she is unlikely to be able to have a good relationship with you OR ANYBODY ELSE. Borderlines do not have the capacity to stay in stable long term relationships WITH ANYONE. It's not personal. She is likely this way to almost everyone and you can't help her. Only she can help her and it doesn't sound like she is ready.</p><p></p><p>As for the grandchildren, you have limited rights as a grandmother. Most states give grands NO rights. That means the biggest impact you can make is if you call cps. That's all we are allowed to do with no guarantee that it will help since it is a big deal to keep them with their biological children. But you can try. Sounds like a few are already screwed up. You didn't cause it. It is out of your hands. As painful as that is, unless she loses custody on her own, you can't swoop in and raise her children. This is not on your shoulders. You are not given any legal power to help.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some peace and serenity in your day and spend it with people who are able to love you for the good person whom you are.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and more hugs.</p><p></p><p>Serenity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677004, member: 1550"] sooooooooooo tired, you have a beautiful cat (animal lover here. They are so therapeutic, no?) soooooooo tired, you don't need to help us now. Those of us who have been there and done it are ready and willing to share. It is your time to try different things and to heal. The first step could be to limit your calls and texts to your daughter. There is no rule saying, "Aha. A text from Daughter. It is probably abusive or asking for money." You can decide"I won't look at it today." Or "I'll delete it today." If your daughter can text, she is doing ok. Even if she isn't doing ok, you can't change anything. Google up t he concept of "Radical Acceptance." This has helped me tons. It may not help you, but it's a different way of looking at all of our problems and problem people. It means accepting them as they are without judgment. I found the judgment part hard, but am mastering it slowly. Accepting somebody as he/she is was a snap, although a painful snap regarding a few in my family of origin. But I think I'm there. They are who they are. I can't do one thing to change them OR to change the situation. Neither can you, and our angst does not make it better or them better. It just pulls us back. I assume you have other loved ones, friends and others who appreciate you. I choose to focus on helping myself by being good to me and focusing on my loved ones who are capable of loving me back. I would go mad if my focus was on my peeps who are mean to me. That doesn't mean you don't have to love your daughter. Just know t hat with Borderline (BPD) she is unlikely to be able to have a good relationship with you OR ANYBODY ELSE. Borderlines do not have the capacity to stay in stable long term relationships WITH ANYONE. It's not personal. She is likely this way to almost everyone and you can't help her. Only she can help her and it doesn't sound like she is ready. As for the grandchildren, you have limited rights as a grandmother. Most states give grands NO rights. That means the biggest impact you can make is if you call cps. That's all we are allowed to do with no guarantee that it will help since it is a big deal to keep them with their biological children. But you can try. Sounds like a few are already screwed up. You didn't cause it. It is out of your hands. As painful as that is, unless she loses custody on her own, you can't swoop in and raise her children. This is not on your shoulders. You are not given any legal power to help. I hope you can find some peace and serenity in your day and spend it with people who are able to love you for the good person whom you are. Hugs and more hugs. Serenity [/QUOTE]
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I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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