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I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677015" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Soooootired, you have received some really good thoughts on your situation. I am sorry for the pain of it. I know how it feels, when the love for our child, and especially, grandchildren, keeps us locked in to the drama and craziness. It has happened to me. For, many years, we tried to help our d cs, our grands, it has been a road to misery and heartache. I understand how you are feeling. I was right where you are, many times. It is not something that happens over night. We have been nurturing our children from before their birth, first imagining what it would be like to be a mom, caring for them as they were babes, growing up, <em>all of the hopes and dreams and time we put in.</em> We essentially <em>gave up a lot of ourselves to focus on our children</em>.</p><p>When they fail to launch, and make good choices, then bring children into that, it is very hard on our hearts. As our d cs, tug and tug at our heartstrings, we get so tangled up in the drama of it all, before we realize it, our lives become <em>swallowed up</em>. We are drowning in the misery of it all, with no way out, it seems.</p><p>I know how this feels, after awhile, I did not believe the sad eyed look from my daughter, but my grandchildren? Ahhhh, there was the biggest difficulty for me. We tried over and again to help, thinking about our poor grands, born into this mess, it was not their fault. And it isn't.</p><p>Our lives became a mess, like how you are feeling now, wanting peace, wanting things to be right for them, but at the same time, buried under the stress and strain of it all.</p><p> This is true. Nothing we did in the long run, changed anything. For our daughter, or our grands. It was not our responsibility, even in the eyes of the law.</p><p>We involved CPS, cared for our grands. The objective was to reunite the family. Counseling. Rehab.</p><p>The eventuality and reality of it became that our grands really wanted to be with their parents. Drama or not. My daughter has to learn how to make better choices, to care for the children she brought into this world. She did not do that in our home. She needed to focus on her responsibility, and we needed to learn to let her, and to live our lives. It takes work Sooootired. But, it can be done. You can do this.</p><p></p><p> This is a thousand times infinity truth.</p><p></p><p> Again, true. It is hard to read, and accept, but it is true. This is a start, to understand the truth and reality of things, to learn how to change reactions and responses within ourselves.</p><p>The only control we have is over ourselves.</p><p></p><p></p><p>After years, and years of helping, the last words I heard from my daughter, were,</p><p>"You have no right to my kids, they are MY KIDS."</p><p>You know what?</p><p>She is right.</p><p>I have no right.</p><p>It was hard to swallow.</p><p>But, it also forced me to look at what I was doing, how caught up I was in the crazy of it all, how I was slowly losing my life, my mind, my heart and myself, with the misery of it all.</p><p>This is no good.</p><p></p><p>You are right, you can't fix any of it.</p><p>None of us can fix any of it.</p><p></p><p>You have to stop it Sooootired, stop letting them rip your heart out.</p><p>It does no good for anyone, you sacrificing your life in this way.</p><p>Especially your grands.</p><p>Mine, too.</p><p>By their parents actions and choices, they are not learning respect.</p><p>The only ones to teach them respect and show them, is US.</p><p>How do we teach this?</p><p>By respecting ourselves.</p><p>By not allowing them to treat us badly.</p><p>By refusing their wrong thinking that they are entitled to mistreat us, and we will love them anyway, give into them, because we are grandma.</p><p>This is wrong for you, and wrong for them.</p><p>They will not change.</p><p>Only you can.</p><p>You have value, and you matter Sooootired.</p><p>By living this way, paying attention to your needs, living well, you are showing them how to live, too.</p><p></p><p>Stay with us, and let us know how you are doing.</p><p>You have helped me, by posting to you,</p><p>I am remembering how this felt, what I allowed to happen, the desperation of it all. You are not alone dear, I have been right where you are.</p><p>You can do this, small steps. The first, you have done, just by thinking about it, that is a step.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace,</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677015, member: 19522"] Hi Soooootired, you have received some really good thoughts on your situation. I am sorry for the pain of it. I know how it feels, when the love for our child, and especially, grandchildren, keeps us locked in to the drama and craziness. It has happened to me. For, many years, we tried to help our d cs, our grands, it has been a road to misery and heartache. I understand how you are feeling. I was right where you are, many times. It is not something that happens over night. We have been nurturing our children from before their birth, first imagining what it would be like to be a mom, caring for them as they were babes, growing up, [I]all of the hopes and dreams and time we put in.[/I] We essentially [I]gave up a lot of ourselves to focus on our children[/I]. When they fail to launch, and make good choices, then bring children into that, it is very hard on our hearts. As our d cs, tug and tug at our heartstrings, we get so tangled up in the drama of it all, before we realize it, our lives become [I]swallowed up[/I]. We are drowning in the misery of it all, with no way out, it seems. I know how this feels, after awhile, I did not believe the sad eyed look from my daughter, but my grandchildren? Ahhhh, there was the biggest difficulty for me. We tried over and again to help, thinking about our poor grands, born into this mess, it was not their fault. And it isn't. Our lives became a mess, like how you are feeling now, wanting peace, wanting things to be right for them, but at the same time, buried under the stress and strain of it all. This is true. Nothing we did in the long run, changed anything. For our daughter, or our grands. It was not our responsibility, even in the eyes of the law. We involved CPS, cared for our grands. The objective was to reunite the family. Counseling. Rehab. The eventuality and reality of it became that our grands really wanted to be with their parents. Drama or not. My daughter has to learn how to make better choices, to care for the children she brought into this world. She did not do that in our home. She needed to focus on her responsibility, and we needed to learn to let her, and to live our lives. It takes work Sooootired. But, it can be done. You can do this. This is a thousand times infinity truth. Again, true. It is hard to read, and accept, but it is true. This is a start, to understand the truth and reality of things, to learn how to change reactions and responses within ourselves. The only control we have is over ourselves. After years, and years of helping, the last words I heard from my daughter, were, "You have no right to my kids, they are MY KIDS." You know what? She is right. I have no right. It was hard to swallow. But, it also forced me to look at what I was doing, how caught up I was in the crazy of it all, how I was slowly losing my life, my mind, my heart and myself, with the misery of it all. This is no good. You are right, you can't fix any of it. None of us can fix any of it. You have to stop it Sooootired, stop letting them rip your heart out. It does no good for anyone, you sacrificing your life in this way. Especially your grands. Mine, too. By their parents actions and choices, they are not learning respect. The only ones to teach them respect and show them, is US. How do we teach this? By respecting ourselves. By not allowing them to treat us badly. By refusing their wrong thinking that they are entitled to mistreat us, and we will love them anyway, give into them, because we are grandma. This is wrong for you, and wrong for them. They will not change. Only you can. You have value, and you matter Sooootired. By living this way, paying attention to your needs, living well, you are showing them how to live, too. Stay with us, and let us know how you are doing. You have helped me, by posting to you, I am remembering how this felt, what I allowed to happen, the desperation of it all. You are not alone dear, I have been right where you are. You can do this, small steps. The first, you have done, just by thinking about it, that is a step. Wishing you peace, (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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