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Parent Emeritus
I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677101" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Locus of control. In us or in somebody else. </p><p></p><p>We have the potential to control only ourselves. When we try to change other people, we give up our own power, to them. Then we get mad at them when we were the ones who chose to do it. </p><p></p><p>When we pull back, understanding that we have behaved inappropriately, too, by subordinating our own interests and welfare and sense of self, to gain control over them (which was futile) it gives our adult child the opportunity to behave appropriately.</p><p></p><p>This gives them potential to reciprocate. To seek us out because they choose to. </p><p></p><p>If we choose to be servile and to beg them (I did) they begin to hate us, and themselves. When we behave with dignity and self-respect, they can begin to respect themselves.</p><p></p><p>I believe we need to accept that we have had some responsibility in creating these dysfunctional relationships, if we have allowed them to mistreat us, and have ignored their abuse of us and others. If we sought control over another adult, not wanting to accept their autonomy and right to self-determination, no matter what the reason, that too, needs to be recognized.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677101, member: 18958"] Locus of control. In us or in somebody else. We have the potential to control only ourselves. When we try to change other people, we give up our own power, to them. Then we get mad at them when we were the ones who chose to do it. When we pull back, understanding that we have behaved inappropriately, too, by subordinating our own interests and welfare and sense of self, to gain control over them (which was futile) it gives our adult child the opportunity to behave appropriately. This gives them potential to reciprocate. To seek us out because they choose to. If we choose to be servile and to beg them (I did) they begin to hate us, and themselves. When we behave with dignity and self-respect, they can begin to respect themselves. I believe we need to accept that we have had some responsibility in creating these dysfunctional relationships, if we have allowed them to mistreat us, and have ignored their abuse of us and others. If we sought control over another adult, not wanting to accept their autonomy and right to self-determination, no matter what the reason, that too, needs to be recognized. COPA [/QUOTE]
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I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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