I really hate her right now

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I had a msg through facebook from her crappy excuse of a boyfriend...apparently I am a psychopath with a blackheart and no sense of loyalty who has driven her daughter away and deserves to hurt, knowing there is a grandchild out there I will never see....

    What a bloody coward! She told my sister the baby was hers...than wrenched it away...and she knows how painful it would be for my sister as she is well aware Shirley can't have children.

    Not once did that cowardly daughter of mine say anything to me...it's all him with her in the background saying she supports what he says....the nasty names, the vitirol he spewed at me....

    He attacked my intelligence, my looks, my other kids. He went on to say husband and I are capable of working but are sponges on society....

    I never sent one word of anger back in reply...just told both of them if they truly want me out of their lives, I would go....

    And than because the phone was in my name as well as the lease and I was second on a bank account...I closed the account, called the landlord and told him I am not responsible any longer and will send him legal papers removing my name from the lease and I also called the phone company and terminated the contract.

    They want me gone? Fine....that includes the money, the shoulder for crying on because he's doing her boyfriend, the extra groceries....everything...


  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    {{{{{Hugs}}}}} Carolanne,

    I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this pain.
    And I think you're making the right call. You have no reason to put up with that sort of treatment, and your other children need your strength.

    These truly are natural consequences, and your difficult child will learn that she can't have it both ways. If you are out of her life, then the perks of having you in it will disappear too.

    I'm so sorry that they're putting you through this.
    Take care of you. Sending prayers and strength.

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I must have missed the post where she has now told your evil sister that she can't have the baby either. I hope that you hadn't burned your bridges with your sister after her nasty e-mail telling you that she was going to adopt your grandchild and you weren't welcome in the baby's life? She may be a witch, but there's strength in numbers. Who is your daughter's next mark?

    I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. That guy must be a complete moron if he doesn't know that you don't go off on the money tree when the money tree isn't your[/] mom. You did exactly the right thing.

    Now, deep breaths. Buy yourself a Tim Hortons, and put your feet up with a good book in front of the fire. Or whatever it is that you do for you.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    They want me gone? Fine....that includes the money, the shoulder for crying on because he's doing her boyfriend, the extra groceries....everything...

    Too right! You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

    So? Does this mean she's already changed her mind about sis taking the baby too? Well, I guess that shows you the drama involving that isn't personal. (despite what she says)

    I think you have the right decision. difficult child and boyfriend seem determine to milk this pregnancy for all the drama it's worth.

    Time instead for them to grow up and learn to handle their own problems.

    Good for you for getting your name off of everything and cutting off the stuff you pay for. It's been overdue in coming.

    I'm so sorry. A new baby in the family should be a happy time for everyone, not all this drama over nothing.

  5. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I completely forgot to let you ladies know!!! Duh...my sister and I have been chatting through msn and both have agreed to let what is in the past stay in the past/ I know that was basically because of the baby but I am hoping that things will keep getting better for us.

    I just called her husband and he was sooo quiet....I can only imagine the pain he is feeling right now. Oh my dizzy aunt...I really don't want to have to tell her but I will....it's going to tear her apart.....

    I've sat my girls down and told them no contact means no contact....I asked them to remove her from their facebook and msn contact lists. husband is calling his sister tonight because she had been helping out a little without us knowing...her daughter told husband this past weekend about it.....

    So many bridges being burned....and why????? I am going to print off the replies and read them every time I feel the urge to cave....god my house is going to be sooo clean....that's what I do....crank the music and clean like there is no tomorrow!!!! I bet this week I put molly maid to shame;)

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's as it should be, if it can be.

    So does this mean that your difficult child did yank the promise of adopting the baby away from them already? How did that come about? I hope that they will have the good sense to stay out of it from now on!
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Am so sorry Carolanne - I just absolutely HATE this kind of drama.

    If it were me, someone woud have to be personally peeling me off the ceiling and then bolting the front door so I wouldn't run off trying to find her and knock her head (and his) off their shoulders.

    Good for you shutting everything off - one has to wonder while they were being sooo vile to you if they even thought ahead and connected the dots between you, phone, landlord, bank accounts - obviously not.

  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Carolanne, big hugs for your mommy heart. I admire your strength in the face of this adversity. Keep coming here to draw strength.
  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    It's awful to cut ties with your own child, but your grandchild will forever be a pawn in this drama and I'm thinking your daughter doesn't want to give that up. You have done the only thing open to you and hoping your daughter finally comes to her senses and doesn't treat her child this way......Sorry for your loss.....maybe one consolation will be a relationship with your sister........thinking of you as you move forward......sending hugs........
  10. DiC

    DiC New Member

    Carolanne, hugs to you and I'm glad you cut the money tree:check_writer:. My difficult child has spewed emotional blackmail too. I'm sorry for you and know how it feels. I also clean like a mad dog to resist the urge to choke the living #^&* out of her.:wine:
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Carolanne, I think you're doing the right thing by cutting them off after reading that vile letter. You don't need to be treated that way and I don't think you should support them even if they treat you nicer (which they don't). I'm not a fan of enabling grown kids who aren't productive and certainly NOT their SO's.
    Your sister should know what difficult child is like. It can't be a big shock to her. I expect your difficult child to maybe change her mind five times about what she wants to do with the baby. I sure hope she is giving the baby good prenatal care and not drinking or doing drugs. (((Hugs)))
  12. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    Carolanne, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I despise when innocent souls are used as a "pawn" -- and that is what your daughter is doing. My daughter is doing that too right now with us, but what gives me comfort is a saying my mom (RIP) use to say and that is...

    "They will need you long before you need them."

    And that gives me strength and comfort. I know it may not be today, nor tomorrow, but one day she will need me, especially now being a single parent.

    And to add a light side to this, I have made a scrapbook of what my kids have written about me....whether it be in letters, or in notes to their friends that I intervened (back in their younger days), or just written in anger by them and I came across. One day, when I am gone, and they are going through the photo/scrap books, they will really be surprised. I hope at that time, they are older and mature -- and will read them and know what hurt they caused in this mom's heart. Especially if they have kids!! LOL It is not meant to be mean to them; I just want them to understand why I felt the way I did/do at times -- mainly sadness.
  13. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I sent my sister my log in name and password for my facebook account so she could read what they had written to me. Ummm, I am pretty sure I heard her screeching and we live 150 miles apart.

    We connected on msn late last night and she said she will be showing up for the ultrasound this friday as planned. Jess still hasn't contacted her and Shirley said she wants to see her face to face. She also said she will have copies of the emails(with my permission of course) so that neither one of them can deny it.

    As for husband's sister....we had no idea how much help she was giving....she's paid the rent a couple times and gave them a credit card in her name with a $200 limit on it that she paid in full for the last three months. But after husband spoke with her and sent her copies of the emails, she's cancelled the card and also contacted the landlord regarding rent payment for feb.

    As she stated, when you yank on the people who are willing to help in anyway and burn them this bad, you get exactly what you deserve.

    Want to hear the funny part? Jerk emailed after dinner last night and I quote"oh yeah don't forget you said we could have your big fish tank and will pick it up this weekend"....holy you know what.

    I have copies of the emails and will call the police and have him charged if he has the gonads to show up...the stupid little freaky punk.....

  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    If he threatened you in the e-mail, I would report him now. Get a restraining order so that if he does show up you can call in violation of TRO. They'll come right away. Without it they probably won't see it as much of a threat that he is at your door unless he is acting out violently, and you don't want it to get that bad.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I think you have done exactly the right things, and letting the aunt know so she could cut them off was also a good idea. It is good that your sister and you are on the same page, and hopefully you will have a better relationship now?

    I hope the ultrasound goes well.

    Witz is right, get a restraining order using the emails, otherwise you will have no grounds to stand on when they come over to take things.

    Is there ANY chance they have keys to your house/car/whatever? If so, get them CHANGED ASAP, because when the money runs dry they will try to take things to pawn or sell.


  16. Scent of Cedar II

    Scent of Cedar II New Member

    You did the right thing, Carolanne. What gall to treat you as they have and then expect to drop by for an aquarium!

    Too mean and crazy for words.

    Is there any chance your daughter doesn't know he is doing these things?

  17. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Oh she knows...I asked him the same thing through email and within seconds I had a msg from her..."I am keeping the baby and I stand by everything he is saying".

    We've gone through being cut out before but not like this. She would at least drop a line to her sisters but wrote them as well calling them a waste of time, that she didn't care if they died or got run over, that her little brother should never have been born. She wrote my parents who immediately called me...I told them I was through and would not speak about it and hung up....they've always thought difficult child could do no wrong, that I am the problem and all would be fixed if only I would divorce my husband.

    husband says he is rather proud at the way I am holding together. I finally decided, after almost two years of her being gone, that I would finish packing up her room and have started prepping the walls so I can paint it this weekend. My little guy has been in my room since birth but it is time to take back that empty, negative filled room and make it happy again. My little guy will have a wonderful room and I will not feel the need to keep that door closed any longer...

  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Good for you! It's way past time for that.
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I am so very proud of you.

    I know you're hurting and you're furious, but instead of wallowing you're taking a negative and putting a positive spin on it. You've come a long way. And you should be proud of yourself!


    As for difficult child and the boyfriend............ Do they have ROCKS in their heads instead of brains or what??? Even dogs know you don't bite the hand that cares for you. lol I'm just shaking my head in wonder.

    Glad the rest of the family is backing you.