I really need some good advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shellyd67, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    difficult child has been in school for 2 weeks and I have already received a call from his Counselor about difficult child being involved in an incident where a group of boys were teasing another boy and although difficult child did not verbally taunt this boy he did laugh when other boys were teasing. He received a warning because it was his 1st offense. The same day I recieved an email from difficult child's English teacher that he is receiving a detention for not being prepared for class (he forgot workbook 1st day of school), for talking and for having physical contact with another student (throwing grass while sitting on the ground during a fire drill)

    difficult child denied throwing grass to both his teacher and counselor. He did however admit to husband and I that he did throw grass back at another student who threw it at him 1st. blah,blah,blah ...

    difficult child apologized to the kid he laughed at and is going to apologize to teacher and counselor for lying.

    Now, here is the big dilemma, READY ... Counselor asked if he could speak with difficult child's neuropsychologist "to explain" what is going on and how difficult child won't take responsibiltiy and denied all wrong doings .. REALLY !!! He has known my son for 2 weeks and he has never really been in any trouble before this so it is not a pattern and difficult child has no history of these types of behaviors.

    We for the most part have had very pleasant and cooperative relationships with teachers and the school district as a whole. We are very supportive and competent to relay all this info to difficult children Doctors. I am apalled that he asked this... Should I be or am I wrong?

    We meet with the counselor and difficult child's teachers next week to discuss a plan.

    Now, last but not least difficult child had a reaction to his medications and has a lower torso rash so he is unmedicated until we see his Neuropysch next week ...

    I need some good vibes ... Thanks !!
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Okay, I'm all for different sides of kid's life working together to ensure well-being of the child. And I can see benefits from school and medical side talking in many cases.

    But my first reaction: No, absolutely no. It is not his swchool's business to intervene in any way to his medical treatment if not asked for input. And this is in no way a big issue they are having in school. Both the things he has done wrong and also trying to deny it, are very normal and age appropriate stuff. School is also dealing with it just fine. Those are normal adolecent lessons to be learned. But it certainly is not his teacher's or school counsellor's place to report something so insignificant to medical professional you pay for. Just no.
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I agree, they can voice their concerns, tell you whats going on but they do not need to talk to the Dr. YOu and your son are the ones to tell the Dr. School just started, he is trying to fit in, he's almost a teen ( pre-teen) so, bedsides the ADHD which I know makes things harder for him.

    For my son, I am only allowing the DR.s to fax questions or talk to them once or twice ( thats the cut off I will tell Dr's and teachers) to get my son diagnosed. We have seen issues for years, my bringing up to his pediatrician, and now issues in school has finally led to a diagnose to be tested. Tell your son to hang in there ( teachers/counselors etc are different and maybe this one is either too nosy or overly caring but I still wouldn't let them talk directly to him)

    Just my opinion what I would do- Good Luck :)
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I agree. The school should be kept on a need-to-basis to protect difficult child down the road. I would say that you would be most happy to pass along any info, including written reports, about your concerns re:difficult child. The problem with giving access (which most be in writing) is that you will not have control over what info is shared.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Could you just tell the school personnel, that if they would like to write a letter with their concerns, you will give it to the physcian at your next appointment. I don't like that they could just call and talk to them directly (which wouldn't happen unless you gave consent in writing). I also think the behavior is minor and has already been handled. Good luck. KSM
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Ksm's idea is a very good. Then neuropsychologist can give you letter to give to them addressing their concerns. Considering the appointment is next week they wouldn't even have to wait long for the answer.
  7. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I think ksm's suggestion is excellent. Perhaps the doctor can then inform the school counselor that difficult child's actions are a direct manifestation of his classified issues. Is it possible that the counselor really is trying to obtain help with handling difficult child from his doctor? It would be great if the school was actually interested in hearing what the doctor had to say.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I never had aggressive kids so I don't speak from experience in that arena. But I never allowed educators to play doctor or to get overly involved with my kid's treatment, other than to give Sonic and Jumper the proper interventions. Psychiatric stuff was off limits to them.

    I can't see how a neuropsychologist could even answer such a subjective question. He is a diagnostician, not a mind reader.

    I can't believe a teacher even bothered to bring up throwing grass. I may have laughed.
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I totally agree with the advice you've already been given. I never gave permission for school personnel to talk directly with any of my difficult children's physicians, therapists, neuropsychs, etc... for all of the reasons the others have already given to you.

    Believe me, I would have been thrilled if the issues the school had had with my difficult children were as minor as the ones you've described! It's hard for me to believe that your difficult child's counselor wants to talk to your difficult child's neuropsychologist over these things! As far as you feeling the way you do, I think your feelings are appropriate. The counselor is way out of line, period. Just my two cents... SFR
  10. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Thank you all for your good, sound advice. husband and I are scratching our heads wondering why typical, normal behaviors are being so blown out of proportion ? Again, difficult child has never had a history of these types of behaviors and really has never been in any kind of trouble at school.

    in my humble opinion, any typical teen would do any of the above without ADHD and anxiety.

    Next Wednesday we meet with teachers and counselors and I will update after.

    Have a great day all :eek:)