I really need to be back here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Miss you all so much. I've been lurking but too embarrassed to post because I have been gone so long. Please forgive me.

    I am having the hardest time ever with Tink. She is beyond out of control. Can't get her medications right, still don't even know if she needs to be on any. She can turn on and off in a second. Of course she is always on for me, but when we go see her dad she is a little angel. She is refusing to do her homework, refusing medications, abusing the cats, and throwing the worst tantrums you have ever seen. A neighbor called the cops on me the other day because he thought I was beating her, she was screaming so loud. I am trying to implement more structure in her life, per her therapist's suggestion, and she is fighting me every step of the way. She even kicked me while I was driving the other day because I wouldn't stop and get her McDonalds. She is just completely out of control, and I don't get a break from her. I just feel so defeated.

    We see her psychiatrist tomorrow morning. I am going to ask about admitting her somewhere. This is breaking my heart but I don't know what else to do. She needs help and I am not able to do it. Her pediatrician thinks she is on the spectrum but I can't afford a neuropsychologist evaluation to determine for sure. I'm still not working, still without a car, and completely drained.

    Please rattle some beads for her. She is gonna have a world-class meltdown tomorrow when she hears me ask the doctor about admitting her.

    Love you all.
  2. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    hi, I am new but don't feel embarressed, just jump back in. Boards help lots and lots. and we all know how overwhelming days can be.

    Pull up a chair and stay a while,
    T. Paul
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    We've all been wondering about you. I'm sorry that Tink is being a pain. I understand about your feeling like you've let things pass and perhaps that you have left us out, but that's not so. You don't owe us a pass into every moment of your life. I hope things go well tomorrow.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm glad to hear from you but so sorry Tink is on the brink, or so it sounds. :( You need a break, for sure. Never ANY need to be embarrassed for being away -- we all have lives that pull us in different directions. This place, and these people are always here when you need us, whenever that may be.

    Hang in there. You are doing the best you can -- you know that.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Aww there was no reason for you to feel embarrassed about not posting. Everyone needs a break from the board now and again. And we've been wondering how you and Tink are doing.

    I'm sorry she's out of control right now. Tink may go ballistic when you ask about hospitalization.....but you know you have her best interest at heart. It's a tough decision to make, and none of us take it lightly.

    Has to be pure hades going thru this alone. We're here. We're always here. That's what we do. :)

    Sending good vibes and juju, and saying a prayer you and doctor can come up with a workable solution to get Tink onto the path of stability. You need a break hon, and she may need a bit more intensive care than you can provide at the moment. Maybe in hospital they will have an easier time getting this medication issue cleared up if nothing else.

    Welcome back, dear.

  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    BBK - don't you dare be embarrased about lurking. Life happens and while the board is sometimes the only thread (ewwww, a pun???) we hang by, at other times it's the safety net while we're getting on with the business of life. No apologies needed, hon.

    I'm PM-ing you with- some state specific stuff. Glad to see you again!!!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    BBK!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOOO happy to hear from you!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!

    Please don't feel bad about taking a break. Real life is HARD. We all know that and we all know that life with a difficult child can be so energy-slurping that you just have no energy left for anything.

    I am sorry Tink is giving you a rough time. Parenting difficult children is a horrible job sometimes.

    I was thinking of suggesting you ask the doctor about some inpatient evaluations as I was reading your post. Then you mentioned it. It truly sounds like it is needed. Not just a 3 day stay, but a long enough stay to get her out of that honeymoon period.

    If she has a fit at the psychiatrists, GOOD! Let the psychiatrist see, firsthand, what one of her rages/tantrums is like. It may be eye-opening. At the very least the psychiatrist needs to scramble some resources to find some respite for you. I am worried about you and your health.

    Many many MANY hugs to you my friend!

  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, if she has a meltdown in front of the psychiatrist - perhaps that will help in the process of admitting. I have a child that acts different in front of others as well. It really fosters the idea that we are doing something wrong. I say, heck if you can come up with an idea I haven't tried more power to you!

    Something has to give. Neither of you can live like this for long and survive it without scars. That was about the time I decided my difficult child had to live with her dad. Is there anyone that can try out a live in situation for a time?
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    BBK, I'm glad you're back, but sorry things are so rough with Miss Tink. Sending you strength for the psychiatrist appointment this morning. Update us when you can.
  10. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Oh hun, don't be embarassed. I hope the psychiatrist appointment goes well, and here's hoping tink gives one day of rest from the meltdowns. I really hate meltdowns.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry life has been hard with Tink. I know what you are going through; we all do. So happy to have you back! Love, ML
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Save the embarrassment for when you blow soda out your nose or something....not for being away to deal with your life!

    Wish I could offer more than a hug and a prayer, but know I'm sending those.
  13. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member


    I've been wondering about you and Tink. Please don't feel embarrassed about lurking. I understand, completely. I don't have to advice, but sending you gentle compassionate hugs along with some strengthing juju for tomorrow.
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


    I'm sorry Tink is being such a ....um....bell. Hopefully you and the doctor can get to the bottom of this. I KNOW it's no fun for you and it can't feel good being her either.

    Also, I'm with the others. Don't you DARE feel embarrassed!!!! Helloooooooooooooo (thunks you lightly on the forehead) ...you'd tell someone else the same thing!!!

    Heh. Wait till Star gets ahold of this thread!

    So...how are YOU? (Aside from being bald from pulling your hair out) Someone said you had surgery?
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you back but sorry you're in such crisis. I'm rooting for you. DDD
  16. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    I, too, have been kicked by difficult child while driving for refusing to stop at McDonald's.:faint:

    I hope the psychiatrist is able to help today. Have you done testing through your school district? I know a lot depends on how qualified the school psychologist is, but it might get you started on some answers and it would be free.

    Good luck.
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Um, I think Ms. Tink and my little Ms. Kiki must be in cahoots!
    I feel deflated, defeated, beat up, beat down, beat all around.

    AND THE BEARS lost their first game, but we had a ray of sunshine with the Pittsburgh win!
    (Although I was watching in between well you know Ms. Kiki's driving me insaner)

    I think you have a great head on your shoulders. You know when to say when but sometimes it gets hard to see through all of this mess, you have been through the wringer and you really need to take care of your self.
    You have been going so long with no help.
    If you truly feel that Tink is getting worse and she is not responding to any of the outside help, floundering in School, medications not right, diagnosis who knows???
    Then maybe a serious look at her by professionals in a therapeutic setting might honestly help?

    I would sit with the psychiatrist and just say what is in your heart.
    I hope it goes well today, or did.
    Your post brought tears to my eyes.
    I honestly don't know the answers.
    When I had to put K in the 5 week psychiatric hospital, that was really full time, she just was able to come sleep with me at a Hotel. I fell apart.
    But it stopped her from wanting to die.
    I understand and I am glad you came here to talk.
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey BBK,

    So sorry Tink is out of control. I second the poster who says that it will probably be a good thing if she meltdowns in front of the psychiatrist.

    Don't ever feel about about life getting in the way - it happens to all of us! You have to deal with what you have to deal with! I hope the appointment offers Tink the opportunity to to move forward and helps you relieve some of the stress. Being a single parent with a difficult child is not easy.

  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking about you and Tink...so sorry she isn't doing well. Many, many, many hugs to you.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hiya mean lil kitty kat! I have been missing you too! Who is going to send me leftover Tinkerbell stuff? I need it!

    Seriously...I hope the psychiatrists can get our Miss Tink figured out. Sounds like she has some mighty interesting issues going on. You need a break which is just what this place is good for. Do not be gone this long!