I really think there is a demon in her

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Aug 29, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Very long story, short.

    My daughter was so sweet to me last night. Very loving, caring, saying how sorry she is for everything. It was real. I know it was real. She didn't ask me for anything and I don't think she was setting me up for anything either because she doesn't have the capacity to plan things in advance. She is too live by the moment. She really doesn't think about the past or future. She is always in the present, which is weird to me. Anyway.

    Between last night and this morning (which is why I know she didn't plan it), a total and absolute mood shift. Different person. Evil person. When I say evil, I mean evil. She made me so furious, I freaked out, I called her every name in the book. Every goddamn name and I don't feel a damn bit guilty for it. I use to, I use to want to kill myself for getting rageful, with her behavior. But uh uh, not anymore and I told her "Guess what, I am not going to feel guilty for any of this like I usually do. I have no sympathy for you" I am enraged. Enraged. I can't even tell you the the things I said to her. You all would probably kick me out of here for saying what I said. She ruins my day , each and every day and she is going to push me to the point where I go psychotic.

    What I want to know is, just humor me for you best guesses, how do you know when your dealing with a split personality? I don't know. Just to let you know all know, I sound calm, but I am far from it. I am crying and hyperventality. I am so beyond angry. I feel like a pupet getting my emotions played with by the devil.
  2. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Maybe she had something happen to her between now and last night, like a fight with a friend or something like that. I don't know. I just wish I knew what I was dealing with so I can act accordingly for God sake. Or maybe it's me. I got so enraged by her attitude this morning. Just a different person. Like i was a nobody. I can't remember if I was like that when I was her age and if it's normal for teens/young adults to be this way. I wish someone could watch from a camera and observe and then tell me what they think. I really need to know once and for all what is going on and if I am percieving things correctly
  3. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    She is acting really strange. I can't freaking explain it. I wish some one could see this.
  4. PennyFromTheBlock

    PennyFromTheBlock Active Member

    Just wanted to say I understand how that is when you get so angry you say crazy stuff. It's all you can do to stay semi sane. I hate you are dealing with this. I hate we all are- but your statement about how she ruins your day- every single day- been there. I get it. ((hugs))
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  5. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GuideMe -- Trust your instincts. If you see that she's "all over the place", she probably really is "all over the place". I don't have the right letters after my name to professionally diagnose someone (nor would I pretend to). All I'm saying is that if it's that severe of a shift, there may really be some significant mental health issue/diagnosis going on.

    Does she live with you? If so, are you safe? (sorry, I'm new here, don't know everyone's specifics yet)

    Has she ever agreed to see a mental health professional?

    Take care and stay safe. I used to hear people say that to me (the "stay safe" part) and think it sounded melodramatic. But it's not! One just never knows what can happen. That "horrific look or countenance" about them is a warning sign. Your health and happiness matter greatly!
  6. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Sweetmama, thank you for the warm words. (hugs back)

    HlM, yes, it was that severe of a shift. Last night she was an angel and this morning was the devil himself. It was like two different people and yes, I feel guilty now because I over reacted. I said every possible mean thing I could say to her because that is how messed up with anger I got from it all and I feel terrible. Anyway, yes she lives with me and to be honest, no I do not feel safe. She does get aggressive when told no which is why I lose it because I get so tired of walking on egg shells in my own home. I am actually very surprised that she didn't attack me with all the stuff I was saying to her. She seemed like she was vacant. Wasn't there. Where was she? I really don't know. I don't want to believe it's a mental health issue, because it scares me for her. However, maybe this is normal teenage stuff and it really is time to seperate because we can't stand each other and everything is being over blown including my imagination. Eventually the adult has to leave the home. I left at 18 years old, my family didn't give me a choice in the matter. In my family, when you 18, you out. You may be out before then too.
  7. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    That's why I was so angry (understatement) because she was being so sweet to me, and to go from that to be treated like garbage with in not even 24 hours, it's hard to take on the mind. I feel like I am being manipulated and toyed with and I have no control over my own peace of mind.
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Drug use, drug use, drug use, drug use and drug use. That's my opinion. She's on drugs, more than pot. I'd BET on it. To me, it's obvious. Meth? Speed? Downers for sleep? The kind of stuff my daughter did.. Nothing else makes sense. She doesn't have different personalities and this switch was way too quick for bipolar and she doesn't get manic. She probably wanted to move out because of her involvement with drugs. My daughter was exactly the same way when she took drugs. How she behaved depended on what drug she had taken, when she had taken it, if she had used speed to ramp her up or downers to help her sleep and make her lethargic or if she was currently off drugs an d coming down from her high, which made her crabby and violent. Sometime in the future it will probably become known to you through her slipping up. I had no idea my daughter was doing anything more than smoking pot once in a while, but she was doing it all...psychodelics, methl, speed, downers, even a few shots of heroin (it must not be true that you are addicted the very first time you shoot up, unless she snorted it instead). She loved to crush and snort Adderrall along with cocaine. And we did not know about it. She hid it well. She had to quit before she told us the truth.

    That's what I believe the demon is.
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2014
  9. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    MWM, For the first time today, I actually considered that she was using drugs, more than pot. If she is, than I would consider this one of her most hidden secrets because I know everything that she's doing. So I would be blown away if she has being doing hard drugs. I need to get her tested somehow.
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If there is a NAMI near you, (National Alliance on Mental Illness) you might try contacting them. They can be accessed online, they have many chapters and they offer support for parents. They have excellent courses for parents. It may be worth it for you to at least talk to some people who are aware of the various mental illnesses and who might be able to coach you and help you understand and find resources for coping if your daughter has some mental or emotional issues.

    You might also try attending Al Anon for support, or Narc Anon, or CoDa, so you can express yourself and get heard. Whatever the issue is, YOU need to take care of YOU. Get some support, listen to others, express yourself, and educate yourself. Whatever the reason is for your daughter's behavior, it is having a negative impact on you and in my opinion, you need to find support for YOU. You deserve that, make that a priority, make getting your needs met a priority, make finding nourishing, nurturing things for yourself, your first priority.

    My daughter is the most unusual person I have ever met. She can have a negative impact on me too. I've learned to take very good care of myself so that no matter what she is up to, I am okay.

    I'm sorry this is so hard for you, I do understand how you feel, and I know how hard it is. Keep posting, it helps to express yourself. Counseling for you might help too, it was a life saver for me. Stay connected. Stay close to the board. We're here............we understand.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I completely agree with MWM. What you are seeing is likely drugs, or at least drug related. It may be mental health related also, which means that your daughter would need a dual diagnosis facility to address both the sub abuse and the MH issues. Dual diagnosis is the key phrase to look for if you are looking for a place for help for her.

    I don't think a turn like that is part of any normal teen stuff. Your instincts are telling you that it isn't. Do NOT buy into whatever words she uses to convince you that she isn't using drugs. People who are using are excellent liars and manipulators, and if you add that to difficult child tendencies, well, you have a recipe for someone who lies every time her lips move.
  12. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    Reading your post I thought I would have written it. I completely get where your coming from, walking on egg shells because you never know what daughter you are going to get the beautiful loving one or the selfish rude and hurtful little cow. I feel your heartache and I have only been a member of this forum for 2 weeks but it's amazing how much it helps to talk to people going through similar issues

    Kitten 1999
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I thought I did too. I was wrong. This isn't something they share. It's probably why she moved out because eventually you'd know.
  14. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Guide me, there is nothing you can do if she is taking drugs, which I strongly believe she is. And drug tests don't show all drugs. I think Spice, which is dangerous beyond pot, is not detectable. Our adult drug users know which drugs show up and which ones don't. What do you believe knowing for sure will do? She is of legal age and you can't force her to get treatment. I think you, in my opinion, are just too enmeshed with her. The only person who knows what is going on with her is her and she obviously doesn't want to change it yet or she'd ask for your help in maybe paying for a rehab. On the, in my opinion 1% chance she is just mentally ill, don't you think her friends would notice too?You can't force an adult into seeking therapy either.

    I really do think it's drugs and you are having trouble facing it, like most of us. There is no way we know everything about our adult children. Not possible, even if they do live with us and your daughter's suspicious, drug user like behavior is that she quit her regular goals, changed her life plans, moved out (big red flag) and is all over the place emotionally. Her age is another sign...eighteen is often the age that they start, although my daughter started at TWELVE! And I didn't know. And she was homeschooled for two years and still found a way to get drugs. And, yeah, I wanted to believe it was just pot even when I knew it couldn't be. But pot doesn't cause that type of moodswing. Many drugs do though. We experienced it...once she put her arm through a window, so unlike the normal her, so I had to call 911. The cops came, not an ambulance, and handcuffed her! I was horrified. She was in a psychiatric hospital for two weeks, but they didn't catch her drug use either. She said she'd quit and they believed her. They drug tested her and it came back normal.

    Now that she quit, she told me everything. I know she had used psychodelics, meth, ADHD drugs that were crushed in a pillcrusher and snorted (Adderrall is most users ADHD drug of choice), cocaine and even experimented with heroin. And she lived with us while this happened. And we didn't know. One way she hid it was to take the most damaging drugs when we were sleeping. She also used to sneak out of the house and wander the streets while we were sleeping (and my husband is a light sleeper, so she was good!!). The only reason we ever found out she was leaving late at night was because a cop brought her home once since it was after curfew. She was a minor. NOTHING could stop her from taking drugs. Only SHE could.

    I am not trying to scare you. But you seem to want to know what changed your daughter and this is what I think. What do you think you can do if you know why she is acting the way she is? She is of age and not even living with you and you are not supporting her. What can you do to make her want to get help?

    On the yelling: I did lose it a few times on my daughter, but not that badly. I learned that yelling and being out of control only fuels the fires and I hate drama. This is where therapy can really help. Although, whether your daughter is severely mentally ill (I don't think so, but it is possible) or if she is using drugs, you can't make her go for treatment. But you can learn how to cope better and manage your own feelings and detach from her. It is not a good thing to live your life through another person. It gives that person so much power over you that it's like they take over your body and inhabit it. How do I know? It takes one to know one!!!

    My son was my first child and very wanted. He was also self-destructive and got into trouble from an early age and very much wanted to be popular. One year he kept a journal because he had to for school. I read it every day (as I blush here). If he was unhappy one day I'd read every word in his entry and analyze it. I'd actually shake while I was reading. I am ashamed, but I want you to know. He was very smart and quite eloquent. So I knew what was going on with him (remember, he was young then, maybe twelve). I would cry foolishly because the girl he liked didn't like him back...yes, he was only twelve. But it hurt him. So I hurt too. When a friend rejected him, I was devestated. It was so hard on me, I didn't know what to do. I saw a book called "Toxic Parents" in the library and in desperation I read it. I saw myself...living through my child. There I had it. I was able to stop once I realized what I was doing. I felt very empty after I stopped. It was like "me" didn't exist. I was him, not me. I had to build my life all over again. And worrying about him since his toddler years did not change him one bit. He continued to be difficult, moody, in trouble a lot, a master liar and a very well respected shoplifter from his friends, and always sneaky and always troubling.

    I'm glad I stopped that "I am Him" habit early because it was torture for me to be him. I had other kids too, but they weren't in trouble like he was. So I focused in on him. It was bad for both of us. To this day, he is overly needy of me and not in a good way. I have had to detach from his drama for my sanity. I have other people who love and need me and treat me with respect and I have myself, whom I have to live with. "Wherever you go, there you are."

    I actually had therapy with the man who wrote the book "Toxic Parents." He was from the Chicago area, although it sold well all over. He was REALLY able to help me. His name was Mitch, but I no longer remember his last name and this was so long ago, I don't think the book is in print any more because I tried looking for it. But any book on codependency will tell you the same things he told me. It's just that this book focused on parents who are overly entangled with their children and who lived through them, which I was doing, so it really spoke to me.

    I wish you luck. If you can detach, you will be so much happier and your daughter won't be better or worse regardless of what you do. May as well choose to be happy and be your own person. Focusing on what's wrong with your daughter and thinking you can change her once you know, doesn't help her and harms you. Hugs!!!!
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2014
  15. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Our son was using all kinds of drugs. His personality changed, too.

    Have you explored treatment options for her?

    As others of us have posted to you Guide Me, it's very important for you to cherish and befriend yourself right now.

    Even a pedicure will help switch you out of self-punishment mode.

    As Strength always tells us, stay close to the site.

  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Im coming into this very late.

    It doesnt have to be drugs. Bipolar can have extremely rapid mood swings. When I was diagnosed with bipolar it was "bipolar 1 with mixed episodes". I could swing from happy, fine, okay to a raging lunatic many times during the day. This was all long after my teen years when I did drugs during the 70's. I wasnt dxd until age 38. Even now when I am on a pretty good medication regimen I can have rapid mood swings at times. I have never had the classic one or two switches a year. If I am having mood swings, its like that bumper sticker "Look out, next mood swing in 6 seconds!"