I saw my baby girl last night!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    She looks FANTASTIC!!!

    I was on my way to the laundry mat and my husband called and said that my daughter was just at the house looking for me. She was upset that I was not home. He accused her of taking his sneakers, she swore she didn't, she left. (guess what, she didn't, we later found them!!!) Anyway, she called my cell phone. She said "Mommy, I miss you , I need to see you", in this sweet little voice. It was as if my little girl had returned to her body. The alien was gone. I panicked, I thought something was wrong! I asked her if she was okay, she said she was, she just wanted to hug me. :( Here come the tears!!! I was so afraid to see her. I told her what laundry mat I was going to and she came there. She was with some guy. (seemed very nice) I waited outside the laundry mat for her. All the while shaking as I was so afraid of what I would see. They pull up and out comes this BEAUTIFUL young lady, running up to me with a huge smile on her face. She ran up and embraced me with the warmest hug. I was shocked at how wonderful she looked. She was dressed just nicely, did not look like a hooch, her hair was done beautifully, her nails, and her make up. She just had a glow about her. She looked healthy, like she has been really taking care of herself. I was pleasantly surprised.

    She just kept saying that she missed me so much and that she loved me more than anything. She said she just can't live here anymore. She has a JOB and rents a room. She said she is serving drinks in a bar. (not my choice of careers for her, but it could be worse) As soon as she said she worked in a bar, the flags went up and the bells went off - STRIPPER??? I said "Please tell me your not stripping!!!" She said "Hell NO, I would never do that, I have a real job mom, be proud of me". The guy she was with assured me that she was a good girl. He said that he doesn't hang out with people that would strip, that she is a good kid. What???? I was shocked!!! She also told me that she was in the studio with some friends and they asked her to sing on one of their tracks!!! She was beaming with pride as she was telling all of this to me. I just kept telling her how beautiful she was. I just could not believe how wonderful she looked. I truly expected to see a total mess come out of that car. I was so wrong!!

    She kept hugging and kissing me. She must have told me she loved me a million times. She truly just wanted to see her mommy. She didn't ask me for anything, just love. I gave her the mom speech, take care of yourself, be safe always, don't get in any trouble, carry yourself with dignity and so on..... I was just so amazed at how together she was, physically and mentally. She just seemed so grown up. She only stayed maybe 15 minutes. She gave me a big hug and kiss and said that she had to go but she would keep in touch and that no matter what I was so important to her. She is sorry for everything and that she loves me. She got in the car and I could not fight the tears back. She said "Mommy please don't cry, I am okay, I am doing good, please, you are going to make me cry, I love you". She promised she would call me, she blew me a kiss and drove off.

    It was so bitter sweet. In a weird way I am so PROUD of her. Even though she is technically on the run, she is actually making a life for herself. I am so sad today, I miss her. I haven't seen that little girl in a very long time. It was her, the real Brandie, the one I gave birth to, the one with that sweet heart, bright smile and big beautiful eyes. I can't stop crying now. It is a different cry though. It is a happy/sad cry! I am overwhelmed by how mature she seemed. How together she was. I so was not expecting that.

    Now, I want to call the DA and drop all charges. I do not want her to go back to jail. I mean this is not the life I would have chosen for her but she could be doing so much worse. In fact, I expected her to be much worse off. She has a JOB and pays rent!!! I must be dreaming!!! I don't want her to get caught now. I almost want to help her stay away. I won't, but I truly want to. At this point I really doubt the DA would be willing to drop the charges as he has given her two chances and she messed them both up. This is her second bench warrant, second time she skipped out on court, so I think it is a done deal. What do you guys think? Should I try to drop the charges? I just think she is doing well and going back to jail would only set her back, she will only regress in jail and I really am so proud of her. Is that strange? What do I do? Do you think that the DA would even be willing to just let this go? She doesn't have a criminal record.

    In any event, I am a proud mama today. My heart is filled with joy at this moment. Our bond is strong. We have a real connection. I felt it last night and so did she. I miss my little girl so much today. I just can't stop the tears.

    Thanks for listening. And thank you all for all of your good thoughts and prayers for my baby girl. They seem to be working!

    Shawna :)
  2. compassion

    compassion Member

    (((( )))) I am so glad for you HOWEVER do not get sucked into the denial and wishes. I know how hard it is. She is still very, very ill. Compassion
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    If is WAS a dream....I hope you don't have to wake up!! It sounded really wonderful...

    (((Hugs))) to you.

  4. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I'm glad for your peace of mind she called and wanted to see you, and your fifteen minute visit was a good one. I'm glad she looked well. I'm sure it made it easier to sleep last night. This must have been a dream come true.

    What to do about the charges against her - I looked at some of your recent posts - about two weeks worth. This girl has physically assaulted you, created havoc in your home by repeatedly lying and stealing, displayed disrespectful behavior, and has an outrageous sense of entitlement. I could perhaps overlook most everything - except the physical assualt. At one point you even wished she would hit you in the face (AGAIN??) and break your nose.

    She's been gone two weeks, without medications, without therapy, and she's cured? Or is she currently in a manic state? You really think there won't be another low?

    You mentioned a social worker you'd become close to - almost like a friend. The woman said you could call her. Do it. Tell her what happened, get some advice from a trusted third party who knows all of you.
  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you guys.

    I know she is far from cured. I know she has a long way to go and agree wholeheartedly that she needs treatment. I am just reluctant to have her go back to jail. She is now looking at real time in jail. I don't think that is the answer for her. I am still hoping that the TASK lady finds an appropriate placement for her. That is what she needs.

    C.J., thanks for taking the time out to look back on my posts. I appreciate your concern. :) I have already placed a call to my sw/friend, waiting for her to call me back. I am going to ask her advice. I don't even think that the DA will allow us to drop the charges at this point. It's not really a matter of the credit card theft, she has now disrespected the court. I think that will be the major issue for the judge. They have given her two chances and they are now fed up, I'm sure. I am just so shocked that my daughter is able to survive on her own, ya know? If I was out there at her age and had to start from scatch I truly don't think I'd be able to do it. She is a survivor. I am oddly proud of her.

    I am waiting for the sw to call back. I will let you all know what she says.

    Thanks so much for your friendship. :)
  6. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Bran,
    just wanted to say my dtr is a stripper--it isn't the worst thing in the world and they aren't all bad--to her it is just a job, if a guy wants to pay a bunch of money to watch her take her clothes off then she thinks it is a foolish way to spend your money but she will gladly take it. At least she is now getting paid for doing something she used to do for free....and she does get paid very well, a lot more than I make at my job. So, just wanted to throw that out---I never would have dreamed I would accept my dtr's "career" choice but I have learned to be a lot less judgmental so I guess it has been a humbling experience!

    I am glad you got to see your dtr and see her looking well. I hope everything she told you is true and I hope you get to talk to the sw soon. I think your dtr will be okay, she sounds like a survivor.

    Take care,
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest


    I remember that about your daughter. I though of you last night. And my sw has always told me that some people view stripping differently then others. To some it is not a bad choice. She always said that just because I would not make that choice and that I could never do that, my daughter might view it as a job and nothing else. Surprisingly a lot of girls do this as a means to an end. I know someone who did it years ago to put herself through college, she now has a degree and a great job. I worry more about the atmosphere that these young girls put themselves in. In my daughter's case, she does not make good decisions and I fear that she would be easily lured into heavy drugs or prostitution. In any event, that would utlimately be her choice and there would be nothing that I could do about it anyway, right?

    It's amazing what we parents have come to accept. These kids do things that we never would have imagined for them and somehow we are surviving their lives!!! Kudos to you for being so strong!

    Thanks for the advice, much appreciated.

    Shawna :)
  8. Bran,

    I am so glad that you were able to see your daughter and she looked so great! There is hope! Be wary though, like others have said, she is still very ill, but maybe, just maybe, there is some light at the end of the dark tunnel. Take what you have and enjoy it while you can.


  9. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Bran,
    yeah, I can see your point about the atmosphere. My dtr started stripping here in our small city and it was a family run business so they were very protective of the girls. In fact, they weren't open on Sundays because it was against the wife's religion! In Seattle, where she lives now, the industry is regulated so she has to have an entertainer's license. From what she tells me, the managers there are also very protective. She says she has "regulars", mostly older men with money, so I think it is sort of an "upscale" type of place.

    Anyway, thanks for your reply and not taking offense! Keep us updated and I hope you are having a good day!

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, what a beautifuil note!
    I am just so glad you saw one another.

    It's great that you have a msg in to the SW. I've got my fingers crossed for everyone.
  11. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks for all of the support guys.

    Jane, I hope you were not offended that I was hoping my daughter was not a stripper. Maybe I should have been more mindful of the way I put that in my original thread. I am so sorry If I offended you in any way. Seattle sounds good, hu? They should all need to be licensed that way they can't hire underage girls. :)

    I am very wary. I hope I did not give off the wrong message here. I absolutely know for sure that she is very ill. I am just happy I got to see a glimpse of that little girl I gave birth to. It was only a 15 minute visit and anyone can hold it together for that short amount of time. I know she is still very unstable and at risk. It was just a happy little moment in time for us both. I am grateful that I got to see her and she looked great. I was so afraid of what she would look like. I truly thought she would be a disaster. Last night gave me great hope that WITH treatment she can accomplish anything as long as she wants it bad enough.

    I am still waiting for my sw to call me back. She had meetings all day today. She'll probably call me tonight from home. I also put in a call to the DA and left a message. Maybe at the very least they will give her one more chance at TASK. That way she could keep her rented room and her job but still get mandated treatment. I don't see how they would give her a third shot at that though. I also just don't think she would follow the program. I don't know, maybe she would because she won't live here. She didn't want to follow the curfew. Now that she is out on her own and 18 maybe they will give her TASK without the curfew. We'll see when and if the DA ever calls back.

    Thanks for the hugs and crossed fingers. I will keep you updated. :)
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Bran -

    I think when we get windows of opportunity to "see" our children - the ones that we spend 110% of our time trying to convince the WORLD is IN there? It's a gift. Other parents may or may not take for granted the normalcy of their children. Our gift is that WE know those windows are a gift.

    With that in mind - Take the visit for what it's worth. A window in time, a place you were able to go to and smile, and remember this normal Mom moment, for fuel to help you help her when the other child comes around.

    Do I think you should drop the charges (shrug). I've often thought how differently Dude's life would be had nothing regarding jail and court ever happend. But then again I often hear him talking to others and have to think that the threat of going back to jail kicked his butt enough to make him comply as best as he can for a kid with disabilities.

    Like I said - rejoyce in the window of time - and leave the court thing where it is because - if she really IS scared of going back to jail maybe it will help be a guide line for her behavior. Another thing leaving it alone will do is teach her 100% you can't punch your Mom or anyone else in the face and not have consequences. If she's being a productive member of society - you could hope that she'd turn herself in at some point and say she's tired of running, but could tell a judge - I have a job, a life, I'm not in any more trouble and I'm working on a relationship with my estranged family. Perhaps a judge would look at THAT as progress moreso than anything else.

    Take it for what it's worth -

  13. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Bran,
    no, I am not offended because you explained yourself in your post to me--I get where you are coming from. Also, I know stripper is not a job most moms would be hoping their dtrs would do! I was certainly shocked when she told me but accepted it pretty quickly since she was 18 and on her own and I was not supporting her in any way. Her choice, her life. Also, I don't feel she is victimized; in a strange way it seemed to give her the control she was looking for.

    I agree with Star--it was a window and you got to see your real difficult child for a few minutes and it is great you could do that, whatever happens next. I do know what a relief it is to see them looking healthy and happy when you are imagining the worst! And, with all the animosity you've experienced it must have been so wonderful to feel her love. I think you will see more of that now since you don't have to be accountable for her. Your relationship will change for the better.

    Take care!

  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Wow is all i can say I am so glad that you got the chance to get a glimpse of the girl you once knew. I was so shocked as I read your thread and so happy for you that she was verbal with you, and knocked down the walls and spoke her peace to you. Maybe all you have done has woken her up somewhat. Granted alot of bad stuff has happened, yet at the end of the day that is your babygirl so dont' let anything ruin that memory for you.

    It will be what it will be right now, anything positive is just that, positive. Just like us with our little difficult child's there are good days and bad, the bad days dont' take away the good it just keeps us going.

    Lots of hugs to you and p.s. i don't blame you for not wanting her to have and experience jail time at all! If our jail systems were better, if rehabilitation truly did occur more than not than i might say well ok she did what she did she has to pay the price. Yet we are also talking about a mentally ill person, it's that fine line.

  15. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you! LOL! I was smiling reading your post. OMG, she sounds GREAT! Hey, I served drinks in a bar for a long time, and lemme tell ya - the money's GOOD if you're good!! There were times I made more than a secretary - so, don't be surprised if she's able to save money quick.

    I'm so tickled. Good. What a relief.
  16. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you all SO much for your support. Your friendship means so much to me. As soon as something good, bad or indifferent happens I can't wait to post about it. I think of you all and your families all of the time. :)

    Now, get this: SHE WANTS TO TURN HERSELF IN!!! Who is this child??? She called me last night and she said that she thinks she just better turn herself in. I nearly fell off the couch! I could not believe what I was hearing. She said that she knows it isn't going to go away, at some point she has to face it. I told her that I was so proud of her for that, it shows so much maturity and responsibility. I told her that it would look a lot better to the court if she turns herself in rather than them catching her. She agreed. She asked me if she was going to go back to jail. I was honest with her and said yes. She didn't even get upset. She said she figured that. I told her to let me know when she is ready and I would go with her to the police station!

    Turning herself in was actually her idea! I didn't mention it first, she did. I am so proud of her. I can't believe it!!! I hope she means it. We'll see.

    I will keep you posted.

    I know she has a long way to go. She is still in need of treatment and all the help she can get but for now I am going to ride this wave for as long as I can. Like you said Jen, good days and bad days. And this is a good day! :)
  17. compassion

    compassion Member

    I am so relie:D:beautiful-female:ved for both of you! Compassion
  18. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I AM IMPRESSED with your daughter's maturity. She's right - this won't go away on its own. If she's got an attorney, she might want to contact him/her before turning herself in. If you've heard back from the social worker, she might have some suggestions to make this go a bit easier for your daughter. It may be if she can demonstrate she's got a job, and she's able to pay restitution, who knows, maybe she'd be eligible for house arrest. Good luck to all of you.
  19. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks! I did hear back from the sw. She said that I could try to drop the charges but like I thought, it is a matter of her skipping out on court twice. And that is most likely what the court will deal with. The credit card theft is secondary to the two bench warrants at this point.

    C.J., I was thinking the same thing! I am hoping that if she can go into the courtroom and act in a responsible manner, sincerely apologize and assure the judge that she has a place to live and a job, maybe he will allow her to make arrangements to pay restitution instead of going back to jail. If the DA calls me back I will explain this to him. That jail is not the answer for my daughter, she needs treatment. Her actions are a direct result of her illness. Keeping my finger's crossed! In any event, there really isn't much else I can do at this point. She has to know that there are consequences to her actions and always will be. I just don't want to see her regress, ya know?

    Thanks again. :)
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    What a wonderful, wonderful day. 15 minutes of the real kid inside the carp is worth so very much when its most often so buried. Treasure that forever.

    As for the charges, I wouldn't drop them. I might not do anything to help or hinder her capture, but I would just leave it as is. If she walks the straight and narrow, it could be years before they pick her up. And then she'll have all those years of straight and narrow as a GREAT reason for a judge to say "you know, this is XX years old, you've been a contributing and productive citizen during this time, no other trouble, you were priobably young and stupid, we'll give you 6 months probation and call it good"....

    Hugs. Treasure your gift.