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I saw my daughter tonight.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 633700" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Have to agree with MWM. You have to respect her boundaries in this new part of your life and relationship. And her romantic/intimate life is certainly her private business and outside of boundaries for you.</p><p></p><p>And let's face it, I wouldn't even consider it lying, that she told she was getting ready instead of telling you something else. It was a polite thing for her to do, when it so happened that she was running late (yes, of course it would had been more polite to be in time, but I bet most of us have been running late at times.) I mean, what was she to say? That she was with her ex fighting/having important discussion about their relationship/having sex/whatever? True but way too much information! That it was none of your business? Again true, but rude and disrespectful. Try to avoid answering or not giving any excuse? Again slightly rude.</p><p></p><p>What do you do, if you end up being late from meeting with a friend or your mother because you and your husband had a fight or got carried away? I know I'm not telling anyone that I was fighting with my husband or having sex with him or things like that and am late because of that and I'm not considering it dishonest, when I blame bad time management/traffic/not noticing the time or whatever for my lateness. </p><p></p><p>Stop checking the GPS unless you have a real and serious reason to worry for her safety and well-being. It just causes you anguish and would make it very difficult for her to trust you in longest time if she found out. You are building a new relationship with her and it is much more a two-way street than the one you had with her, when she was a kid. You have to respect her boundaries and her new-found independence and understand that she will not be sharing everything from her life with you. Even the most perfect easy child child at her age does lots of things their parents would not approve or consider smart. What makes them easy child's is, that they are able to hide those things from everyone who isn't supposed to find out. difficult child's tend to be worse at that and their stupid stunts tend to become common knowledge.</p><p></p><p>Maturing, learning to be independent is about making mistakes, learning from them, succeeding and learning from that too. And every 18-years-old is immature and while I'm sure your daughte4r is more so than many, her willingness to grasp to the independence, her ability to draw boundaries with you (not telling she was with her ex-boyfriend and giving a polite excuse instead) are in fact signs that she is much more mature than some others, who at 18 are not yet willing to take any steps to independence and are constantly giving their parents too much information of their private life. You should celebrate that.</p><p></p><p>If you have been very close before, it may have been necessary for her to take a bit bigger break from you to gain the independence she is aiming at. Taking that distance helps you two start that new relationship that you need to have for next decades. It will be different than one you had before, but it doesn't have to be worse, even though her taking that distance likely hurts like heck now. But if your relationship had strong roles for both of you, for you taking care and controlling and her being your child, it sometimes needs that distance to break those roles so that you can find new ones. Ones that make it relationship between two equal adults.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 633700, member: 14557"] Have to agree with MWM. You have to respect her boundaries in this new part of your life and relationship. And her romantic/intimate life is certainly her private business and outside of boundaries for you. And let's face it, I wouldn't even consider it lying, that she told she was getting ready instead of telling you something else. It was a polite thing for her to do, when it so happened that she was running late (yes, of course it would had been more polite to be in time, but I bet most of us have been running late at times.) I mean, what was she to say? That she was with her ex fighting/having important discussion about their relationship/having sex/whatever? True but way too much information! That it was none of your business? Again true, but rude and disrespectful. Try to avoid answering or not giving any excuse? Again slightly rude. What do you do, if you end up being late from meeting with a friend or your mother because you and your husband had a fight or got carried away? I know I'm not telling anyone that I was fighting with my husband or having sex with him or things like that and am late because of that and I'm not considering it dishonest, when I blame bad time management/traffic/not noticing the time or whatever for my lateness. Stop checking the GPS unless you have a real and serious reason to worry for her safety and well-being. It just causes you anguish and would make it very difficult for her to trust you in longest time if she found out. You are building a new relationship with her and it is much more a two-way street than the one you had with her, when she was a kid. You have to respect her boundaries and her new-found independence and understand that she will not be sharing everything from her life with you. Even the most perfect easy child child at her age does lots of things their parents would not approve or consider smart. What makes them easy child's is, that they are able to hide those things from everyone who isn't supposed to find out. difficult child's tend to be worse at that and their stupid stunts tend to become common knowledge. Maturing, learning to be independent is about making mistakes, learning from them, succeeding and learning from that too. And every 18-years-old is immature and while I'm sure your daughte4r is more so than many, her willingness to grasp to the independence, her ability to draw boundaries with you (not telling she was with her ex-boyfriend and giving a polite excuse instead) are in fact signs that she is much more mature than some others, who at 18 are not yet willing to take any steps to independence and are constantly giving their parents too much information of their private life. You should celebrate that. If you have been very close before, it may have been necessary for her to take a bit bigger break from you to gain the independence she is aiming at. Taking that distance helps you two start that new relationship that you need to have for next decades. It will be different than one you had before, but it doesn't have to be worse, even though her taking that distance likely hurts like heck now. But if your relationship had strong roles for both of you, for you taking care and controlling and her being your child, it sometimes needs that distance to break those roles so that you can find new ones. Ones that make it relationship between two equal adults. [/QUOTE]
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