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I saw my daughter tonight.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633799" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Janet, your situation is way different, in my opinion. Everyone is on board, which is ok. I am friends with my two adult kids who have FB (36 and Julie deleted their accounts). GPSing when the other person is aware you all have tracking and are ok with it and nobody is trying to make another person feel badly is absolutely A-ok, in my opinion. This is not spying while your kids are trying to hurt you, Janet.All of your boys dearly love you. Anyone who has seen your posts year after year knows even your difficult child loves you and would not post horrible things on FB to scare you, right? That's my impression.</p><p></p><p>When an adult child starts writing hteful FB posts, such as "My mother is a (fill in your favorite difficult child's most common demeaning word) and I'm going to kill myself because of her" then it's no longer just to keep in touch. It's being used to frighten and abuse. Tracking somebody who is not aware you are doing it, and no longer is a minor, is, in my opinion, spying and to what end? Who is the one who gets hurt and depressed and suffers? What does it accomplish except our own angst and sadness?</p><p></p><p>Of course, anyone can continue to check FB and monitor a difficult children every move, but who does it hurt? Not the difficult child. The difficult child is not going to change or do things differently because you are secretly following them. It hurts us...only us...because we love them and they are doing things we'd probably be better off not knowing about, since there is nothing we can do to stop them. I think, on this forum, many of us have already learned to take of ourselves pretty well, and we try to pass along some of the serenity that we have achieved to those with very young difficult children who are just starting out. I know I don't want anyone to be codependent as long as I was. All of us have multiple people who love us, not just the difficult child who is so dramatic the air gets sucked out of the room until there is no time for others who care about us. And what about taking care of our health, mentally and physically? I think all of us would love to dance at our grandchidlren's weddings <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> When I used to snoop on 36, even though at the time he was a minor by many years, I was miserable 90% of the time. I was more miserable than he was!!! It is no way for us to live and our difficult children also are allowed to self-destruct as much as it kills us inside...at any rate, there is nothing we can do to stop them if they don't want help or to stop. Until then, we have to give our hopes and dreams over to something bigger than us, and let go while keeping some hope. It is sad, very sad, but it is also very true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633799, member: 1550"] Janet, your situation is way different, in my opinion. Everyone is on board, which is ok. I am friends with my two adult kids who have FB (36 and Julie deleted their accounts). GPSing when the other person is aware you all have tracking and are ok with it and nobody is trying to make another person feel badly is absolutely A-ok, in my opinion. This is not spying while your kids are trying to hurt you, Janet.All of your boys dearly love you. Anyone who has seen your posts year after year knows even your difficult child loves you and would not post horrible things on FB to scare you, right? That's my impression. When an adult child starts writing hteful FB posts, such as "My mother is a (fill in your favorite difficult child's most common demeaning word) and I'm going to kill myself because of her" then it's no longer just to keep in touch. It's being used to frighten and abuse. Tracking somebody who is not aware you are doing it, and no longer is a minor, is, in my opinion, spying and to what end? Who is the one who gets hurt and depressed and suffers? What does it accomplish except our own angst and sadness? Of course, anyone can continue to check FB and monitor a difficult children every move, but who does it hurt? Not the difficult child. The difficult child is not going to change or do things differently because you are secretly following them. It hurts us...only us...because we love them and they are doing things we'd probably be better off not knowing about, since there is nothing we can do to stop them. I think, on this forum, many of us have already learned to take of ourselves pretty well, and we try to pass along some of the serenity that we have achieved to those with very young difficult children who are just starting out. I know I don't want anyone to be codependent as long as I was. All of us have multiple people who love us, not just the difficult child who is so dramatic the air gets sucked out of the room until there is no time for others who care about us. And what about taking care of our health, mentally and physically? I think all of us would love to dance at our grandchidlren's weddings :) When I used to snoop on 36, even though at the time he was a minor by many years, I was miserable 90% of the time. I was more miserable than he was!!! It is no way for us to live and our difficult children also are allowed to self-destruct as much as it kills us inside...at any rate, there is nothing we can do to stop them if they don't want help or to stop. Until then, we have to give our hopes and dreams over to something bigger than us, and let go while keeping some hope. It is sad, very sad, but it is also very true. [/QUOTE]
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