And I need your opinions on whether I am reacting too strongly. I am not able to be objective in this case. Let me start by saying that I don't like therapy. At all. It's a necessary evil. Plus, this is a male therapist and I've never seen a male therapist for me before and I'm really not too crazy about men. By that, I mean men in general...taken on a case by case basis, my opinion is subject to change. So, I was apprehensive to begin with, but I have a strong personality that can be off-putting (so I've learned) to women in that they feel intimidated (so I've been told - am always surprised at that one). I'm not a mean person. I'm just direct, tend to speak my mind and don't take any cr@p. So, I thought a guy might be a good change. On to the appointment. I don't do vulnerable so going in I was very uncomfortable, but it wouldn't have mattered who I was seeing, I still would have been uncomfortable. He seemed nice enough and said, I suppose, the right things, but it came across - to me - as patronizing. Which sets my teeth on edge. I was on the fence with him. Prior to going in today, I had to fill out some pretty comprehensive paperwork and some of the questions were about alcohol and substance use/abuse. For alcohol I noted - 'socially - rare' and for substance use, I noted - 'none'. Which is accurate. As, I was leaving he had me sign some releases to get my records from other therapists/psychiatric hospital from years ago and among the things checked off that he was requesting (such as, psychotherapy notes, diagnosis, evaluations, etc) was 'Alcohol and substance abuse treatment'. Now, I've never had an issue with either of those so there are no records, but it made me so incredibly angry. I told him it was insulting given that I grew up arounded by this stuff and worked very hard to get away from it and he made some comment about it being good that I've stayed away and I told him again that it was insulting because of this and yet he's asking for these records. To which he responded that it is just part of the screening process they do these days. I've done this for years and no one has ever done this before. If you're going to ask the question on the form and not believe me, then why ask? I am NOT my father. I DO NOT abuse alcohol or use at all any illegal substances. Even if I were inclined in my depressed state to use something offered as an escape, I would be too afraid that it would show up on bloodwork and that I would lose all credibility as a patient with my health issues. I've worked too hard to earn that credibility to throw that away over a stupid joint or whatever. And that's another part of it. The reason my heart disease went undx'd until I had a heart attack is because no one would look past my history of depression. And even now that I've had a heart attack and I have severe coronary artery disease, a lot of doctors dismiss my phyiscal pain, weakness and fatigue - and even symptoms that you can see and touch - as my 'history of depression'. "Depression does cause aches and pains, you know." If I was dealing with aches and pains, I wouldn't be in the freaking doctor's office. And even after all that it wasn't until I had a neuropsychologist report stating my intelligence (high) and that while I had a history of depression, I was not exhibiting any symptoms of depression - that I was forward-thinking, had hope, etc. - before I was taken seriously by the doctors. And now, because I have depression and because my messed (not the word I want to use) up family, I have to endure the insult and humiliation of not being believed about drug and alcohol use/abuse. I am sick of fighting stigmas. I was so angry when I left his office, but by the time I got to my car I had dissolved into tears. I'm tired of not being believed. I'm tired of fighting for any credibility. I haven't done ANYTHING wrong. Yet my father - the alcoholic and drug addict - doesn't endure ANY of this. I hate him. I wish he would just disappear. I don't know if I can go back to this guy. I'm telling myself that I need to go back and explain why this bothers me and give him a chance to explain it and see if we can work through it. But, I don't trust easily. It takes a long time for me to develop trust. And if it's a one way street, it just ain't gonna happen. So....thoughts? You won't hurt my feelings. I realize that my reactions to this are strong. I just need to know if I'm way out of line.