I see familiar faces

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lmf64, Jul 19, 2009.

  1. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    After more than a two year absence it's nice to see some familiar faces. I doubt anyone would remember me or difficult child. I first found the site when difficult child was 6 and had been diagnosed with odd by a doctor at the Mayo Clinic. The ‘blame the parenting' mentality of the doctor really made me mad. I could take part of the responsibility, but knew there was more to it. I continued to pursue further testing and fighting for my son. Well, here it is 10 years later and I am satisfied that we have the correct dxs and only wish we could find the cure. When I first joined the site I was monsterchildmom and then after my computer crashed I had to rejoin and was Lisa then.

    difficult child will be a sophomore in high school this year and can still barely reads at a first grade level. He wants to get his drivers license and just can't seem to understand that it's not going to happen for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that he could get himself so lost that he'd never be found. At least on foot or bike he sticks in town and can find his way to someplace that he could use to get his bearings so that he can find his way home or be able to tell someone where he is so they can help him get home.

    This past school year has been a headache. It started with the ‘07/'08 school year. I was never so happy to see the end of a school year or a school (middle school stinks). The daily phone calls asking me to come pick him up or informing me he was in ISS were nothing more than the schools attempt to get rid of him. They allowed him to sleep for two years and then when push comes to shove instead of doing their job they send him away. The school year ended with difficult child being hospitalized on the last day of school because he said he wished he could just die. Of course he was talking to the police liaison officer at the time and I was informed that if I refused to take him they'd go to court and have him removed from the home. Well, of course that wasn't going to happen so I took him to the hospital and less than three days later they sent him home. He wasn't suicidal (which I knew) and had only said what he said because he was in trouble. There was an incident at school and being difficult child he was looking for the easy way out. Some day I may talk about what happened that day, but for now suffice it to say that I was mortified that it had happened and blame the school for not supervising the students (all dxd with some form of developmental delay) better. The students (7 or 8 of them) had been left in one classroom to watch a movie while the teacher was in a connecting classroom.

    The hospitalization was the impetus for more testing. I've driven him to more appts and he's had so much testing that he'd have to be a master manipulator to have the wrong diagnosis. The worst appointment was one that I drove over 5 hours in a blizzard to get to that lasted less than two hours and resulted in nothing but more questions and more appts. Because of the middle school and his performance we now have people in the house and in our lives on an almost daily basis. Don't get me wrong it's nice to have some back up and to be able to just walk out of the house when I want, but dang it's my house and some times I'd like to not wash dishes once in a while lol. Honestly having all of the people in and out has made me a better housekeeper, so I guess it's not all bad.

    This post makes it sound like it's all bad but it's really not. difficult child is a very loving teen who wants nothing more than to be ‘normal'. We keep trying to find the things he excels at and except for driving me crazy we haven't found much. I am looking at having an adult child who lives at home and does nothing but make messes, eat, sleep and watch television. I've been pushing the school to get him job skill training for the last two years and finally this coming school year we'll finally be able to do it since he'll finally be old enough to go into work sites and work. The school district may not like me very much, but dang it it's their job to create tax payers to keep paying their salary and unless he starts working on skills development instead of sleeping all day that's never going to happen.

    Well, like I said earlier it's nice to see that the site is still here and as caring and supportive as always. I'll be around and will work on posting when I can offer assistance or support.
    Lasted edited by : Jul 19, 2009
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back, IMF.
    You are certainly up to your ears.
    The messes and TV certainly sound familiar!
    Just curious ... why can't you get your son to wash the dishes? I had a friend splice our TV cord and put an appliance plug on it, and when I want the TV and games to go off, I unplug it. When difficult child does his chores (yes, dishes) then he gets the cord back.
    Lots of people on this board use the expression "give to get." This could be one example.
    In reg to driving, what about making up a list of driving questions and having your son write or type the answers? It will drive home the point (excuse the expression) about how important it is to learn to read.
    I motivated my son when he was younger, by only allowing him candy at the store if he could read the entire lable. That meant "monosodium glutamate," LOL! Hey, a lot of it is about motivation.
    Just a thought.
    What were the correct diagnosis's for your son? He seems to have an Learning Disability (LD) but I don't know what kind.
    Can you type a profile at the bottom for people like me who have short memories? :) Thanks.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. Yes, I know, we're supposed to be on a special diet and that is a bad preservative ... ;)
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Lisa. I think I kinda sorta remember you. Welcome back.

    What shot out at me is that he can only read at a first grade level and isn't good at anything. I'm thinking has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation along his tiresome journey? This kid could be hindered by serious learning disabilities or hidden disabilities and knowing what they are could make a big difference in his self-esteem and functioning. That also may be why he acts out. At his age, he should be able to read better, naviagate around the neighborhood and at least be in the running for a driver's license.

    Mental health experts aren't very good at catching stuff that has nothing to do with mental health. I'd do the neuropsychologist thing, especially because he's getting so much older now. He's not TOO old to get help.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    This is a quick response to a complex issue, I know, but have you read about Aspergers Syndrome. I, too, have a really nice teen who "wants friends more than anything". Perhaps the Autism Spectrum combined with some learning disabilities is where your son is located.

    It's nice to see you back. Sorry I'm in a hurry. Hugs. DDD
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad that you have come back to join the fold.

    I've edited your post a little, not the words, just the text. There were two different type sizes and one was really small - I edited it to make the text a little easier to read.

    Happy to have you with us again.

  7. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    LittleDudesMom, thank you for welcoming me back. You are one of the familiar faces I see.
    DDD and MidwestMom thanks for taking the time to reply to my post, I will get my profile updated asap. In the bowl of alphabet soup that is my son is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and global learning disabilities. The five hour drive in the blizzard was to see a neuro-psychiatric. When we finally got the report back from him we had more questions than answers and wound up having to have another neuro-psychiatric go through all of the testing and evaluations from the previous year along with do a little more testing on her own to come up with some answers. He has some pretty significant anxiety issues, but honestly doesn’t have self esteem issues.
    TerryJ2 he can do just about any chore I give him to do but won’t unless I’m there to force him to do it and frankly it’s easier to just do it all myself (that is all except his bedroom which I make him clean on a semi weekly basis). His problem with reading isn’t motivation it’s the global learning disabilities and I’ve really reconciled my dreams for him with the reality of his future.
    Thank you all again for being here still. I shouldn’t be on this thing right now since in 6 hours I have to leave to take difficult child to an appointment out of town and then he has a sleep study also out of town so it’s going to be a long day for us. I’ll work on my profile a bit as soon as I send this.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome back! I think I remember you also.

    It sure sounds like you have gone through the mill a few times. I am sorry the school system did such a poor job helping and teaching your son. You may need to contact Dept of Human Services for some transitional living skills help. The office of vocational rehabilitation may also help.

    Can you let us know what kinds of docs did what kinds of tests? And what they came up with for the diagnosis (Or Alphabet Soup as I sometimes call the laundry list they give you when they name the problems!)?

    I might have suggestions if I knew some of that.

    Does he have any hobbies? Play any games or play on the computer? What chores does he do around the home? If he doesn't do chores, why not?

    Anyway, sending a big hug to welcome you back!
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Welcome back. Hope we can lend an ear and offer some support.
    Kids like ours are complicated and onion like. Many layers that build on each other.
  10. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    Fran, I was wondering where you were.
    Susie, I'm posting this reply to get my signature on here so that the current diagnosis list will show up. Right now I'm sitting waiting for another appointment with the sleep doctor for difficult child, but after we get home I will take the time to list all of the tests that have been perfomred this year.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi Lisa,

    Welcome back......WOW - have you been through it, around the bend twice or what??? I'm glad you came back here and let us know how things have been progressing. A lot of times when new members see that others have come back after an absense and catch us up it helps them to know that they aren't alone in the struggle they may just be starting AND that sticking with all the "alphabet soup" as you put it - can pay off in the long run. It certainly is a life-long labor of love isn't it?

    Good to see you back here!