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I spent the morning in tears...
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 677904" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>SWOT -</p><p></p><p>I have read a lot about her disorder and she also has underlying "co-occurring" disorders with it. She is completely unable to maintain relationships with anyone. Eventually, she blows up and has left a trail of failed relationships and friendships longer than one can imagine. Her drug use and injuries have made her behavior so, so, so much worse. And she denies she is a drug addict and we aren't talking just a pot smoker. She likes the hard stuff.</p><p></p><p>I try hard to empathize - I know her brain works differently than mine. I know I am not the only one she hurts, lies to, clings to and then destroys. I know I am not the only one that she lies about and have learned to take everything with a grain of salt. I know how hard her disorder is and how hard it is for her to get better, and I cannot make her want it. She doesn't. </p><p></p><p>I have detached, been loving but from a distance, supportive but leaving it to her to do the things she needs to do. In other words, disengaging from the chaos and drama that she creates. So it was a punch in the gut to find out she had basically lied to me on the phone, knowing she has stirred this gossip about me to get sympathy for herself, when I have tried to hard to stay out of whatever mess she creates. For whatever reason, she resents me. I feel it. I taste it every time she talks to me. No matter what I do it is not enough and it never will be. I have tried everything to "make it right" whatever in her mind I did "wrong." </p><p></p><p>People who know me and know her also know better. They have seen firsthand everything she has put me through. To have strangers not only assume but also discuss me as some kind of heartless parent is hurtful. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. It bothers me that she can so coldly do that. I have never seen any remorse from her from anything she has ever done to me, nor any gratitude for anything I have ever done from her. I often feel she truly believes, as her mother, she is allowed to treat me like her doormat.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 677904, member: 19905"] SWOT - I have read a lot about her disorder and she also has underlying "co-occurring" disorders with it. She is completely unable to maintain relationships with anyone. Eventually, she blows up and has left a trail of failed relationships and friendships longer than one can imagine. Her drug use and injuries have made her behavior so, so, so much worse. And she denies she is a drug addict and we aren't talking just a pot smoker. She likes the hard stuff. I try hard to empathize - I know her brain works differently than mine. I know I am not the only one she hurts, lies to, clings to and then destroys. I know I am not the only one that she lies about and have learned to take everything with a grain of salt. I know how hard her disorder is and how hard it is for her to get better, and I cannot make her want it. She doesn't. I have detached, been loving but from a distance, supportive but leaving it to her to do the things she needs to do. In other words, disengaging from the chaos and drama that she creates. So it was a punch in the gut to find out she had basically lied to me on the phone, knowing she has stirred this gossip about me to get sympathy for herself, when I have tried to hard to stay out of whatever mess she creates. For whatever reason, she resents me. I feel it. I taste it every time she talks to me. No matter what I do it is not enough and it never will be. I have tried everything to "make it right" whatever in her mind I did "wrong." People who know me and know her also know better. They have seen firsthand everything she has put me through. To have strangers not only assume but also discuss me as some kind of heartless parent is hurtful. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. It bothers me that she can so coldly do that. I have never seen any remorse from her from anything she has ever done to me, nor any gratitude for anything I have ever done from her. I often feel she truly believes, as her mother, she is allowed to treat me like her doormat. [/QUOTE]
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