I thank this place for being here. I have a situation with my 12 year old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by seenothappy, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. seenothappy

    seenothappy New Member

    I am single with a 12 and 15 year old boys. My 12 yo spend weekends at his dads with his 2 sisters. recently he got the 5 year old naked to tickle her gina and laid on her rubbing his self on her. She told the sister. when I was told I tolk him tothe doctor who had to call this in. I understand and know he will have to do something but any one have an idea what? A detective wants to talk to his sister and their family there. then I guess they will talk to us. I have a really bad anxiety disorder and just want to know what's gonna happen to my son. I can't sleep. sometimes my heart races. help please
  2. Something similar happened to someone I knew. Basically, her son couldn't have any contact with the girl anymore, so custody arrangements got a little strange. I believe the boy was already in therapy, but I imagine that would have been mandated if he hadn't. Didn't go to juvenile hall, didn't get arrested. Depends on what state you're in, too, on how things are handled, but try to breathe a little easier. Your son isn't going to the Big House.
  3. seenothappy

    seenothappy New Member

    do i sit around and wait on them because I know their coming or go to my mamogram. I kept both my kids home today so they could talk to both of them and they never showed. Waiting is killing me. I have a knot under my neck, my sholders are tight sometimes i can't breath. My son jumps everytime the phone rings or some one knocks at the door. My son is so scared. It's sad. My ex husband, his oldest son and his oldest daughter 5. I can't imagine what he is going through then my sons sisters mom 3 adults 2 babies really, 12 & 5. My son is so loving and quiet. He is adhd, does not like to clean his room or take out the trash, he does not hang out with other kids. he just plays his xbox 360. Sometimes he still will set in my lap hug me, so sweet... I can not beleive he would do this. It is not him. He said he wanted to know how it would feel. He is embarrassed scared jumpy. He seriously thinks he is going to jail. he already will start therapy the13th. My dad molested me so I really wanted to hurt him at first, so I sent him to his room til it was time for his doctors appointment. Me and his sisters mom went in first then he went in then we went in again. I have taught my kids about touching and I thought he knew better. 3 days now no sleep. I feel sick when I eat my stomach hurts. through all this I have tried to show love but reinfourse the bad. I just need some one to talk to that does not know my son to judge him. he is not a very mature 12 year old.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First of all, ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) You need to take your kids with you and go to your mammogram. Self care is often the first thing we let go when our kids have a crisis. It is often the wrong thing to do. If you don't take care of you, you cannot take care of the kids. Real life IS like the oxygen masks on an airplane. You are told to put your mask on and then put your child's mask on, because if you pass out the child is in a HUGE world of hurt. If you don't get the mammogram, then there might be something that results in you not being there for your child due to serious illness. Just do NOT leave your children home alone. Right now your son must be supervised at all times when there is another child, esp a girl, in the room with him. It is NOT punishment, it is protection. It is a way to keep others from falsely accusing him of inappropriate behavior just to get attention or make things worse for him.

    I am SO sorry that you had to come find us for this reason, but also glad you DID find us. We are NOT going to throw stones at you or judge you, not what we are here for. You son went WAY over the line. It is just not normal for a boy his age to try to see/touch a girl that young sexually. Sexual curiosity IS normal, but most people, even his age, do NOT find young children attractive in that way. Of course you are aware of this. Who diagnosed your son with ADHD? has he ever been fully evaluated by a neuropsychologist or multidisciplinary team? Find one and schedule a complete evaluation ASAP. This will help figure out WHY he chose to do this. Both can probably be found at a children's hospital. Many here recommend the neuropsychologist because they do more testing. In my area they are often found working with the neurology dept.

    There may be some reasons for your son to act that way. Have you ever wondered if he was bipolar? Or had any other disorder? I mention bipolar because hypersexuality is often a symptom of this. If his actions are truly not how he thinks, he should also probably be given a brain mri. Tumors in certain areas of the brain can cause very strange, even dangerous and/or illegal behavior. there are cases where someone with NO interest in children sexually gets a tumor in a certain area and all of a sudden they are abusing kids. Then the tumor is removed and the urge is just gone, like it never existed.

    Now I am NOT saying your son has a brain tumor or bipolar. I am suggesting that sometimes our behavior is NOT under our conscious control. This is why he MUST be seen by some professionals. I strongly recommend taking him to a child and adolescent psychiatrist in addition to having the testing done. This is in addition to therapy with a therapist. The psychiatrist can help to figure out WHY your son did this and if there is an underlying disorder that can and should be treated.

    Now how to handle the police, cps, etc....??? First off, make SURE that 100% of the time he is in a room with another child that there is an adult actually in the room. It is HARD to do, trust me, I know. We had quite a few years where my son could not be left alone with his sister or she was bruised and/or bloody. At the time I managed to whittle a potty break down to 45 seconds and he still hurt her in that time. So if husband or I was home with the kids with-o the other one of us, we had to take our same gender child with us into the bathroom. I took our daughter and he took our son. We had the child stand facing away from us or in the tub with the curtain pulled. It was a real PITA but we didn't have much choice. This went a LONG way to getting cps to not hassle us too much when we learned our son was attacking her in the middle of the night while she slept.

    In your case, you NEED to get an attorney to help represent your son's best interests. If you cannot afford one, call or go to Legal Aid and tell them what is going on. Or insist that the police contact them and get an attorney over to wherever they want to question him.

    This is heartbreaking, of course. NO ONE wants to think their loved one could do something awful to another person. sadly, it happens more than we know. Right now your son needs you - and he needs help. You may want to contact the local domestic violence shelter - they deal with people who hurt others AND the victims and may have resources that would be invaluable.

    many hugs. I am so sorry that you have to deal iwth this.
  5. seenothappy

    seenothappy New Member

    D C F came today. they really said nothing except they will help me get him to a special doctor I found.
  6. I hope you (and your son) are feeling less stressed now. Your son is only 12 -- were he 16, it would be a different ball game. DCF is supposed to help families, so I hope they will get you what you, your son, and the sister. Good luck.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    My first thought would be where did he learn it from? Has someone been abusing him? I hope DCF is able to help and not make things worse (I'm originally from FL, I've seen both sides of that coin). Is he on any medications already that could cause him to be hypersexual, or as Susie said has been tested for anything that could cause it?
  8. karen1316

    karen1316 New Member

    same thing happened in my family as my daughter was sexually abused by her real dad at the age of 3 the at the age of 10 she tried to do stuff to her twin brother and sister. i called child protection on her for the sake of my other kids to get therapy what happened with us was a worker from child protection came out to interview everyone and made a plan to keep everyone safe well that plan worked for a few months until she tried it again then they had to come back out again this time we made a new and improved plan and she was told she would be sent away to a treatment place.it never happened again after that but i know that it becomes more serious when there id a 5 year age differance betwwen the kids. i live in MN. and things might be differant there but i have to ask if your child was sexually abused because what you decribed happened seems to me a bit more than childs play. good luck and try to remember that no amount of worry will change the outcome but prayer might help though just telling you this as i also suffer from extreme anxiety and see a therapist