Karenvm
Member
It's been two years of dealing with my difficult child's pot and alcohol use, and chronic, pathological lying. Recently spent a month in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and finally got on medications for bi polar (had tried before, but difficult child always stopped them because he either didn't like them, or they didn't work). He is turning 18 in two months. We made it clear to him that if after this stay, he used again, we would not be supporting him past his 18th birthday.
He has been home for two weeks, and doing okay. Less arguments, he is making an effort. In IOP.
But two days ago, I brought him with me to my nieces house overnight, where he loves to go. Her husband is a doctor, and difficult child really looks up to him ( he wants to go to medication school some day, though its never gonna happen). He slept in their finished basement. Woke up the next morning and told me he had wet the bed... Couldn't believe it ( has not done that in like 15 years). Huge amount of urine on blankets, mattress, etc. my first thought was, was he drinking? My niece has a fridge in the garage with a lot of beer in it, for when they have people over ( they entertain a lot), but I didn't think there was any way he would have done that. He said no way, he would NEVER. Well, later, I found EIGHT empty beer bottles hidden in the basement where he was sleeping, all the same kinds that were in the fridge ( not typical kinds, some really different kinds). He denied drinking them. Said he is being "set up". I was like, by who? Your four year old cousin? Or was it the 8 year old?? Clearly, it was him. Nieces husband noticed bottles taken from back of fridge.
Of course, I blame myself for leaving him to sleep in the basement, with access to the garage. But I couldn't ask them to remove all the beer! I really thought he was fine. Drinking was not his big problem, it was always pot.
He proceeded to yell at me, call me names, etc, because I am the one who is lying, and he did "nothing wrong". Ugh. The lying is unreal.
I discussed it with my husband, and we are both at the end of our rope. We told him that once he turns 18, he will need to get a job and his own place to live. I just can't do this anymore. It is tearing my family apart, and I have two younger kids to think about. difficult child clearly has no intention of getting better. He missed all the application deadlines for college, which is fine because I could not let him go away anyhow. But he takes all advanced placement classes, and wanted to go away next year. I just can't live another year like this.
i know he is in no way ready to live on his own, but he is not getting any better living with us, and is only causing us all much stress.
It is a difficult decision, but I think we have to do this. We will decide on a date that he has to be out by, after he graduates. I told him to start looking for a job now. I will give him some money to get him started, which we would have given him for school. It's all I can do. I have done all I can.
It is killing me, but I can't go on like this. He can't even see how bad he is. Or maybe he is just in denial.
Has anyone else been in this situation? With an 18 year old?
karen
He has been home for two weeks, and doing okay. Less arguments, he is making an effort. In IOP.
But two days ago, I brought him with me to my nieces house overnight, where he loves to go. Her husband is a doctor, and difficult child really looks up to him ( he wants to go to medication school some day, though its never gonna happen). He slept in their finished basement. Woke up the next morning and told me he had wet the bed... Couldn't believe it ( has not done that in like 15 years). Huge amount of urine on blankets, mattress, etc. my first thought was, was he drinking? My niece has a fridge in the garage with a lot of beer in it, for when they have people over ( they entertain a lot), but I didn't think there was any way he would have done that. He said no way, he would NEVER. Well, later, I found EIGHT empty beer bottles hidden in the basement where he was sleeping, all the same kinds that were in the fridge ( not typical kinds, some really different kinds). He denied drinking them. Said he is being "set up". I was like, by who? Your four year old cousin? Or was it the 8 year old?? Clearly, it was him. Nieces husband noticed bottles taken from back of fridge.
Of course, I blame myself for leaving him to sleep in the basement, with access to the garage. But I couldn't ask them to remove all the beer! I really thought he was fine. Drinking was not his big problem, it was always pot.
He proceeded to yell at me, call me names, etc, because I am the one who is lying, and he did "nothing wrong". Ugh. The lying is unreal.
I discussed it with my husband, and we are both at the end of our rope. We told him that once he turns 18, he will need to get a job and his own place to live. I just can't do this anymore. It is tearing my family apart, and I have two younger kids to think about. difficult child clearly has no intention of getting better. He missed all the application deadlines for college, which is fine because I could not let him go away anyhow. But he takes all advanced placement classes, and wanted to go away next year. I just can't live another year like this.
i know he is in no way ready to live on his own, but he is not getting any better living with us, and is only causing us all much stress.
It is a difficult decision, but I think we have to do this. We will decide on a date that he has to be out by, after he graduates. I told him to start looking for a job now. I will give him some money to get him started, which we would have given him for school. It's all I can do. I have done all I can.
It is killing me, but I can't go on like this. He can't even see how bad he is. Or maybe he is just in denial.
Has anyone else been in this situation? With an 18 year old?
karen
I am there right now. My oldest has been gone not quite 2 weeks... Living with her boyfriend and his Mom and sister right now. It's awful. But if they won't follow roles... Sigh. Honestly they need to learn.
