I think i am having a real break down. need advice.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jody, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am thinking I might really be having a nervous breakdown. Forever I have been depressed and it's about as bad as it gets. I am anxious and really feeling pretty badly. Ugh, can't even stand to say all of that. For the last several months, I have noticed a change in my memory. I can't remember things and I can't stay focused on anything no matter how hard I try. I am useless at work. I can answer the phone and things of that nature but anything in any detail are gone. I could start it but can't get going in it. I keep telling my friends that there is an issue, but I just keep getting it's stress, and we all forget stuff. It's not the same. I am not the same. The last few weeks, I have times that I don't feel anything. Numb, feel like I am lost. I was at church yesterday and the Pastor was chiding us about not being more jubilent during our Praise and worship time. I went to church to feel better and was for a moment, then I just went somewhere when the chiding started. I was in my own little world, looking around and smiling at the babies, and not thinking about anything being said. He called for prayer at the front of the church, and I didn't pray for the girls that he requested prayer for, I began to think how pretty my pastor's wife really is. She is my best friend and has been for 25 years. She wants me to fight it and believe that it's going to get better. I feel like it's time to just accept that this is happening and that thought I might not be what I once was mentally, but maybe I will still be okay and not hurting anymore either. it almost seems like a nice place to be when i am in that state of mind. I am really scared though, because I don't know how far my mind is going to sink. Can this be stopped is it too late? Does anyone know, has this happened to anyone you know?
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm sorry you are struggling so hard right now. Do you have a psychiatrist you see for yourself? Is there a reason you are off medications now? It sounds like you really need to get back on something to help you manage the depression. It's not anything to be ashamed of, and you deserve to live a better life than the one your emotions have you slave to now.

  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am going back to the psychiatrist on Wednesday I just called them. I went off of them because I was having so many physical health problems. They thought that some of them could have been causing me some High blood pressure problems. Once I quit taking the medications, my blood pressure did go down. I don't know what it was but feel so crappy now. I am just afraid it's not going to go away.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well being severely depressed is unacceptable... and your doctors should be able to find a way to manage the blood pressure issues with the mental health issues. Even if that means you sign a release so the GP or cardio doctor or any other doctor managing your other health issues can talk to your psychiatrist so that your care is a collaborative effort.

    FWIW, my antidepressant did make my BiPolar (BP) go up a little, and it made my heart pound, so now I take a low-dose beta blocker and it's helped a lot with the heart issues. I have to believe there's a solution out there that improves your quality of life. I'm glad you're going back to see the psychiatrist.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, I've been where you are. Antidepressants and therapy were the only things that helped me get out of that hole. I'm glad you've got an appointment. Ask your psychiatrist to work with your general practitioner in prescribing your medications, so that they brainstorm about what combination might work best for you.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I too have been where you are. My first suggestion is to have a full physical along with seeing your psychiatrist. Sometimes these symptoms are physical as well as mental and it's important to address both together. Your regular doctor will do a blood workup to check your thyroid and hormone levels among other things. That is a good place to start. Along with your regular doctor you can see your psychiatrist and find out what your options are for the immediate issue of dealing with your day to day depression. Together they will hopefully be able to determine the best course of action for you to get well and feel better. I hope you follow up with your regular doctor - can't stress that enough.

    Also, will you or do you see a therapist who can help you find ways of coping until the medications kick in and to help you with the worries and memory loss you're experiencing? I think that would be beneficial as well; seeing a psychiatrist and getting a medication is good, but seeing a therapist helps in ways that medications cannot.

    Gentle hugs, I'm glad you were able to get in to see your psychiatrist so soon!
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs, Jody. Glad you were able to get an appointment so soon.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Jody! It's not all bad now because you forced yourself to take the best step which was to contact the psychiatrist. It should really help. Remember there are TONS of medications out there that can address the depression. Some will raise the blood pressure, others won't.

    Keep pushing - it'll come. You should be really proud of the fact that you saw what was happening and chose to fight back! I know that we are! ;)

    Let us know how it goes!

  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Jody, I know it is hard to believe but it will get better. I have been in that place. I'm so glad you can get into your psychiatrist. Strangely, I don't have a psychiatrist but my regular doctor is amazing. When I feel like that, he always gets me an appointment with 2 days and has been willing to try different medications and approaches until I can break free of it.
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I was surprised that there was an opening. Glad. I actually can't wait for medicine. I don't want anything that I was on before. I would sure like to sleep again. Like 6 hours straight thru. that would be so great. I would even settle for 4 hours.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    No sleep? That would do it for anyone!
    I'd skip church and stick with-the psychiatrist or therapist. Glad you have an appointment!
    Go for new medications, too.
    I remember being at church, and also reading some motivational thingy my husband brought home, and was issued an edict to help others in order to help to help myself. Yeah, right. You can't help others until you HAVE helped yourself. I was so angry, unreasonably angry--I coudn't bear the thought of helping one more person. I mean, I was livid. Instead of hearing that we should all love one another, I interpreted it to mean that I had one more thing to do, Know what I mean?? That gave me a clue that I was severely stressed and out of sync.
    Don't worry about your mind wandering, don't worry about not being "up" and motivated for church. They don't have a clue as to what's going on in your life. All they know is that they want a lively group and sometimes people aren't as lively as could be. Don't take it personally. Everyone has his own agenda.
    Yes, being forgetful is a sign of stress. Worry about it only to the extent that it is a warning sign that you need to take care of yourself!
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Jody...welcome to my world! I thought I was doing so well but somewhere or somehow, my mental health has started tanking again. I really dont know exactly why but my team is working hard to figure it out. I hate having to go out places and feel like I have to be "on". You know...having to be that perfect mom, wife, grandma, advocate...blah blah blah. I do it so well but it does take its toll on me.

    Work with your doctors to figure out how to deal with this. Therapy could probably do you wonders too.
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Coming in late, but I'm really glad to hear that you have an appointment so soon.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Let us know if it helps on Wed. I've been thinking about you.
  15. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Thank you all for being so nice and encouraging. I really don't know what I would do without all of your support and friendship. I have had so many health problems and so much stress taht I just haven't been able to handle it well. difficult child went into Foster Care yesterday. For right now it is for the best. I can't raise her this way and she is just too much for me to ahndle by myself. She is so abusinve and I just can't take it anymore. I was at work on Tuesday and lost my sight, temporarliy. Blood Pressure was 198/107, ambulance ride to the hospital from the medical cener and 9 hours later I was much better. Occular migraine caused by stress/BiPolar (BP). UGh. I get home and I tell her please don't mess with me right now, I don't feel well, and my blood pressure is way high. She doesn't care she just starts in with the fb this and fb that and cry baby. Ugh. I got her in the car under false pretense and drove her straight to DCFS. They refused to take her and told me to go to the police department. I left her there with her medications. She laughed at me and said they will be bringing me home soon and then I'de be sorry. I just got in my car and drove off. Then she yelled at me are you happy, you ruined me? I slept well last night, Dr started me back on seroquel and it has me a lot sedated but I am managing. it was very hard to stay awake to drive though. I started on 100 mgs.
  16. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    lol sorry guys but I am just a liitle bit drugged. Spelling is crazy. Sorry.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hey, if you're able to sleep straight through, spelling is the least of your worries, LOL!

    Boy, she really drives in the knive and twists it around, doesn't she? (aka are you happy now? you ruined me. Argh.)

    You did the right thing. You've GOT to take care of yourself. Do not allow yourself to stroke out because of this. You are walking on thin ice with-your health.

    Get some sleep. Many hugs. (Imagine us all hugging you while you sleep, fluffing your pillow, keeping you calm.)
    Oh, and turn off the ringer on the phone.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You have done the right thing for both yourself AND for difficult child. You cannot help her if stress causes you to have a stroke or to die. Right now you MUST focus on yourself. Foster care may be the best thing for her. Enough people will see her behaviors that she might get the help she so desperately needs.

    {{{{{{{{{{gentle hugs}}}}}}}}}} Get some sleep, take GOOD care of yourself. We are here for you and will be here when you wake up feeling refreshed!