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I think I got it
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 44786" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>This may come out sounding weird. If it does I'm sorry ahead of time.</p><p></p><p>Needing to control is part of anxiety. BUT difficult child NEEDS to learn that something bad is not going to happen just because he isn't in control of the situation. To learn that he has to be made to do even the things that cause him great anxiety to retrain his brain. Anxiety is the flight or fight respond stuck in a groove like a broken record.</p><p></p><p>I don't mean you simply toss him to the wolves. lol But baby steps lead to bigger steps.</p><p></p><p>And yeah, I thought my own psychiatrist was bonkers when he told me this. But I was desperate and decided to try it. It worked. I still have anxiety but I can function on pretty much a normal level. Anxiety medications and just forcing myself to do things that triggered my anxiety (to teach my brain nothing horrible would happen) did the trick.</p><p></p><p>N doesn't take anxiety medications but she has awful anxiety. I have always forced her to face it head on. And yeah she's had a few meltdowns over it. But it teaches her that the world does not end and it really wasn't all that horrible. I've seen marked improvement over the years.</p><p></p><p>I think if it were my child I'd try to come up with a plan to take baby steps with difficult child both at school and at home. He may feel the need to control his surroundings, but he also needs to understand that you can't control the whole world. Some things you just have to do cuz that's part of life.</p><p></p><p>At home I'd pick things difficult child can take charge of like what he'll wear, cleaning his room, picking something for dinner one night a week..... age appropriate things that can help him feel more control over what goes on in his life. Routine helps TONS with anxiety. It's comforting to know what will be happening from one moment to the next.</p><p></p><p>As far as homework is concerned, I've always let natural concequences take their course. If he doesn't pass, he doesn't pass. (I've had better luck keeping school issues at school)</p><p></p><p>I know he's a boy, but does he ever verbalize what some of his anxiety triggers are? If he can pinpoint some of them you and he can thing of ways to deal with them. Do any of his teachers see a pattern to his behavior that might point out some areas of anxiety?? Is there anything difficult child really likes to do that you can use as a carrot to help motivate him? Any activities he might be interested in that can build his self confidence?</p><p></p><p>Sorry this ended up long. lol</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 44786, member: 84"] This may come out sounding weird. If it does I'm sorry ahead of time. Needing to control is part of anxiety. BUT difficult child NEEDS to learn that something bad is not going to happen just because he isn't in control of the situation. To learn that he has to be made to do even the things that cause him great anxiety to retrain his brain. Anxiety is the flight or fight respond stuck in a groove like a broken record. I don't mean you simply toss him to the wolves. lol But baby steps lead to bigger steps. And yeah, I thought my own psychiatrist was bonkers when he told me this. But I was desperate and decided to try it. It worked. I still have anxiety but I can function on pretty much a normal level. Anxiety medications and just forcing myself to do things that triggered my anxiety (to teach my brain nothing horrible would happen) did the trick. N doesn't take anxiety medications but she has awful anxiety. I have always forced her to face it head on. And yeah she's had a few meltdowns over it. But it teaches her that the world does not end and it really wasn't all that horrible. I've seen marked improvement over the years. I think if it were my child I'd try to come up with a plan to take baby steps with difficult child both at school and at home. He may feel the need to control his surroundings, but he also needs to understand that you can't control the whole world. Some things you just have to do cuz that's part of life. At home I'd pick things difficult child can take charge of like what he'll wear, cleaning his room, picking something for dinner one night a week..... age appropriate things that can help him feel more control over what goes on in his life. Routine helps TONS with anxiety. It's comforting to know what will be happening from one moment to the next. As far as homework is concerned, I've always let natural concequences take their course. If he doesn't pass, he doesn't pass. (I've had better luck keeping school issues at school) I know he's a boy, but does he ever verbalize what some of his anxiety triggers are? If he can pinpoint some of them you and he can thing of ways to deal with them. Do any of his teachers see a pattern to his behavior that might point out some areas of anxiety?? Is there anything difficult child really likes to do that you can use as a carrot to help motivate him? Any activities he might be interested in that can build his self confidence? Sorry this ended up long. lol Hugs [/QUOTE]
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