I Think I Made a Mistake

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Stella Johnson, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I think I should have let them uproot difficult child for the 5th time last year. I got my way and she got to stay in the school she is in but without her sped class. She uses Resource instead.

    First it was the camp thing. On top of them telling me lies about the camp (to get me to say she couldn't go), now difficult child is coming home telling me she doesn't want to leave me for 3 days. difficult child has never cared about leaving me for any length of time for fun things. Someone put this in her head. She goes to camp every summer. She knows what camp is. (I posted about this last week)

    difficult child was in Student Council last year. This year her regular ed teacher never even sent anything home about it. I had no idea until difficult child came home crying on Thursday that she didn't get to run and they had already voted.

    The kid that she called her "boyfriend" last year is still in this school. First he brought a porn magazine to school a couple of weeks ago and showed it to difficult child. She told me, talked to the school, and they said they search him daily and that wouldnt' have gotten past them. Yea right. difficult child described it in great detail. I assure you, she saw it.

    Next same kid started to tell her what he thinks "sex" is. :scared: She came home and told me so I talked to the teachers. The teachers told him he had to break up with difficult child. So he did. Now he's ignoring her and she's crying again. I wanted them to "break up" but my heart breaks for difficult child. She doesn't have many friends in her class this year.

    Her regular ed teacher this year doesn't seem as involved as her 4th grade teacher. In 4th grade the teacher made an extra effort to help difficult child fit in. Doesn't seem like this one does much of anything to help her. Seems she goes out of her way to leave her out.

    I have to get her private school next year somehow. I just can't keep doing this. She did so well last year. The support was tremendous. That's why I wanted her to stay at this school again this year. Big mistake

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. My easy child had such a hard time in 4th we moved her in 5th. I hated to do it, as she had been in the previous school since 1st, but I jsut had to do it. It was a pretty good thing.

    Have you asked the teacher why she is trying to leave difficult child out? Your difficult child is so special, I hate to tear the school is being a problem again.


  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You just scared the *%&$*% out of me!!! I am NOT showing this to husband... I have no words... I am so sorry. We are already thinking homechools sounds good... or yes private.... but does that guarantee anything? We have done 3 privates so far. UGH
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Private schools are often worse for difficult children. They don't have to accomodate kids with problems. We had a hideous time in Catholic School, and they TRIED to help, but they didn't have the staff, and, to be honest, they didn't understand at all. Does you child haven an IEP?
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I definitely would not consider private school unless it is one geared to special needs children. They do not have to follow an IEP and frequently won't even consider any suggestions from a previous IEP. The staff does not have the training to deal with a child that can be out of control. The parents do not want the classes disrupted by one child on a regular basis and are not very understand -- they are paying for their child to have a better education.

    I'm sorry her teacher is not supporting her but this is pretty typical in 5th grade. Teachers are trying to help kids get ready for middle school and changing classes and the like. They are less hands on. I would, however, be concerned about the notices being missing. I do find it odd about the class election -- those are usually well announced before taking place. Do you have any idea how your daughter could have missed it?
  6. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    I am so sorry. My difficult child did not have a great experience in 2nd grade. Who they have for a teacher can make all the difference in the world! All I can say is, if she is on an IEP or 504, the teachers are legally obligated to follow the IEP/504. Stay on top of them and, if necessary, work your way up the chain of command.
  7. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    AMEN. to what the majority said.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    If you analyzed it out and opted for a choice...then don't kick
    yourself. You made the best choice you could make with the information (or expectations) that you had "at THAT time".
    Jumping to private school is not a guarantee of happiness, acceptance or achievement. That's what makes being a Warrior Mom so blankin' difficult. ALL you can do is make the best
    choice that you can witht eh information that you have "at THAT

    I hope it improves soon. Hugs. DDD
  9. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    My 5 year old attended a private school that has a great preschool program and we had GREAT LUCK with their program. (Although she is not diagnosis'ed yet, she begins the evaluation process on Monday!! *yeay*)

    I think the key is to find one that centers around helping the kids, and probably not a Catholic one. (no offense to anyone who is catholic, but I know that they run their schools pretty strictly, and that can be a good thing for some kids, but probably not for many of our difficult children).

    The one that she attended was in a protestant church, and they happily took her, knowing that she had some behavior problems, and she definitely kept them on their toes!! But the really wonderful part of the experience, was that even after they dealt with her for 2 and a half years during preschool, temper tantrums and all, they still begged me all summer to bring her back for Kindergarten!! They really seemed to have a heart for the "challenging" kids, and all her teachers, the other teachers, the assistant director, and the headmistress were all so sad to see her go on to public school, and still call me every once in a while to see how she is doing and ask me to bring her back!

    I don't know what kind of area you live in, but if you have several private schools to choose from, set up appointments to talk with them about their program, and ask them if they have anything for a child with a need for special attention, and if you don't get a good feeling from the response, cross them off your list. If you can narrow it down to one or two that you would consider as a possibility, try to see if you can set up a meeting with them and your child, and see what kind of vibe you get from your child. Believe it or not, this is really the best way to choose. Kids have a certain intuition that adults grow out of at some point, and you can learn a LOT about a place, just by watching how your daughter reacts to the place. This is how my husband and I have always chosen daycare for our kids, we would narrow it down to one or two choices, and just see how they reacted in each environment.

    If you don't decide to go the private school route, I would say you need to get in touch with your SD's district superintendant and find out what options you have for getting your difficult child the help they need.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    If difficult child has an IEP, call a emergency meeting. This current set up is NOT working for her at all. No sense in her spending the entire school year miserable.

  11. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I'm sure if I ask her why she's excluding her she will say that she isn't. I'm not sure what to think anymore.

    Sorry, don't want to scare you. THe schools in your area hopefully are much better. I don't think I could ever do home school. YOu are much braver than I am. :smile:

    Midwestmom and Meowbunny,
    There are several special needs private schools in my area. Not really close but close enough. She has had an IEP since PreK.

    THanks for the hugs and understanding.

    Glad to hear they are starting the evaluation process. It's a big step in the right direction. :bravo:
    I talked to several of the private schools years ago but I need to do it again.
    Good luck with the evaluations!

    I think we do need to have a meeting very soon.

  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    She may very well say she isn't. But it might make her think in the future. Or she may tell you that they "don't baby them anymore. They have to get ready for middle school. If you follow up notes home and notices with the parent, well then the child will never graduate high school and certainly never go to college." Sorry, I was told that by a 4th grade teacher regarding my daughter. I thought it was a RIOT!! I started laughing right there in front of her. I honestly thought she was joking.

    Too bad for her she wasn't. And I was her room mother.

    Go have what break you can before work. Sooner or later the right thing will come.

    Give difficult child a hug for me!