I got the most heart wrenching email from my daughter today. I was at work. It appears to me as if she has hit bottom. No money, no job, no prospects, being evicted, feels abandoned, feels as if I "can't stand to be around her" (her interpretation not what I said or feel) feels worthless, like she should have died instead of her husband, only wants me to be proud of her............................it went on from there.................If I had received that email a year ago, I think I would have had to have been hospitalized for the trauma I would have gone through. Today, I read it, I was busy at work so I had to attend to things. I read it a few times. I responded with exactly what my willingness is. I will drive her to the NAMI Social worker I already hooked her up with and sit with her at a meeting with him to discuss options. I told her when the meeting is over, she and I can talk about what she is going to do and what I might be willing to do at that point. I told her I loved her and it seems like she has to make some hard choices. And that was it. I did not get that gut wrenching sickness in my heart, my stomach, my soul. I did not feel as if I have to run to fix something. I did not feel overwhelmed with distress at her choices. I did not feel much of anything except some sadness and compassion for where she is. I had a moment of, "what if she commits suicide?" That was a startling thought. However, immediately I thought to myself, I cannot prevent that if that is her choice. I cannot prevent anything that she chooses. My granddaughter was home sick from school today, I had a lot to do, working, calling the Dr. driving around town doing errands, doing my life. I went about my day as planned. When I got home I talked to my SO about it and he verbalized his thoughts which mirrored my own. We both felt that my difficult child had pulled out all the stops, one because she really is desperate and what she says is all true, but it also felt a little like a hook, one to grab onto the part of me that rescues her when things are bad. And, things have NEVER been this bad. I am speculating, I really don't know what her intentions are, but I do know that it's hard for us humans to change and often we will try whatever it takes to keep things the way they are. Sigh. I've grown a lot this last year. I was reading part of a book about adult children who disappoint you and then I read what another poster here wrote about her experience with letting go and it just all made so much sense to me. A part of my brain, heart, some part of me made a leap of faith into a different zone, one where I am not suffering in the choices of my difficult child. Good Lord, I've suffered enough. So has she. But only she can stop her suffering. I can't do it. Much as I tried. I can't I am utterly surprised at my lack of misery. My difficult child's choices have brought me remarkable misery. I've worked so hard on myself, knowing there was nothing I could do about her choices, and after this whole last year of really working on ME, I feel at peace regardless of what my difficult child is doing. I feel oddly liberated. I feel relief. I honestly never would have thought I could feel this way under these kinds of conditions. It is what it is and I can't change it. The rest of it was me thinking I could. There isn't anything I can do right now, but if it feels right to any of you, perhaps you might say a prayer for her to find her way...........rattle a bead, send a good thought. I would surely appreciate that. Thanks.