daralex
Clinging onto my sanity
My difficult child and I developed a "behavioral contract" last week. Within the paper it states that I must speak to a mom or meet one when she is sleeping over someone's house (she has been sneaky and says she's staying somewhere and going someplace else!)
So difficult child calls me around 7pm to ask if she can stay over a girl's house. I said sure, after I speak to a mom. She says she'll have the mom call me. Well, I do get a phone call, but it is obviously not a grown up on the other end even though she says she is the girls mom. I then call my difficult child back and I say that since she has to come home to get clothes I would like to meet the mom. She says no, the girl and I are walking back to the girl's house. I don't get angry or yell - (for a change) even though I know she's trying desperately to be sneaky!
So I stay completely calm and say, oh sweetie, I don't want you to have to walk, I'll drive you both back to her house, and this way I can meet the mom. She knows at this point she's totally nailed! She calls back a few minutes later to say that she thought about it and is not staying over the girls house and she is just going to come home. (I win!!!)
She came home and did not display an ounce of anger and neither did I. I finally get that she is looking for a confrontation and I have to be strong enough not to engage. So she was home last night, I knew how sneaky she was trying to be, but it all worked out without an arguement. I was absolutely
off inside for what she tried to do, but am understanding that we got through it without the anger and she was home and safe. I'm sure I will need lots of practice (and I'm sure she will let me have lots of it!)But it's a relief to have a bad situation handled without all the anger for a change.
So difficult child calls me around 7pm to ask if she can stay over a girl's house. I said sure, after I speak to a mom. She says she'll have the mom call me. Well, I do get a phone call, but it is obviously not a grown up on the other end even though she says she is the girls mom. I then call my difficult child back and I say that since she has to come home to get clothes I would like to meet the mom. She says no, the girl and I are walking back to the girl's house. I don't get angry or yell - (for a change) even though I know she's trying desperately to be sneaky!
So I stay completely calm and say, oh sweetie, I don't want you to have to walk, I'll drive you both back to her house, and this way I can meet the mom. She knows at this point she's totally nailed! She calls back a few minutes later to say that she thought about it and is not staying over the girls house and she is just going to come home. (I win!!!)
She came home and did not display an ounce of anger and neither did I. I finally get that she is looking for a confrontation and I have to be strong enough not to engage. So she was home last night, I knew how sneaky she was trying to be, but it all worked out without an arguement. I was absolutely
off inside for what she tried to do, but am understanding that we got through it without the anger and she was home and safe. I'm sure I will need lots of practice (and I'm sure she will let me have lots of it!)But it's a relief to have a bad situation handled without all the anger for a change.
