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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 741976" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>For whatever its worth you have permission to do what you need to do to heal your family.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, be grateful that your son is far away. Always easier to heal when there's distance between you.</p><p></p><p>Personally I never say never. So if it were mine I'd say not until we heal and you change. Our healing is likely to take 10 years but I don't know how long its going to take you to change. Our healing includes our guilt at not knowing what you were doing to your sibs and allowing them to grow into adults. Don't contact any of us until you have completed rehab and been sober 5 years with AA documents to prove it. And not until you have lived in the same place with the same job for 5 years. Is this likely to happen? Perhaps not. But it is leaving a window open for down the road while not allowing contact till you and all the family have time. 10 years is a long, and a short time. </p><p></p><p>If he does contact anyone then reinforce the limits and set up safeguards to prevent further contact.</p><p></p><p>I can tell you that your family will find a new normal and this will some day be distant history.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 741976, member: 23371"] For whatever its worth you have permission to do what you need to do to heal your family. Having said that, be grateful that your son is far away. Always easier to heal when there's distance between you. Personally I never say never. So if it were mine I'd say not until we heal and you change. Our healing is likely to take 10 years but I don't know how long its going to take you to change. Our healing includes our guilt at not knowing what you were doing to your sibs and allowing them to grow into adults. Don't contact any of us until you have completed rehab and been sober 5 years with AA documents to prove it. And not until you have lived in the same place with the same job for 5 years. Is this likely to happen? Perhaps not. But it is leaving a window open for down the road while not allowing contact till you and all the family have time. 10 years is a long, and a short time. If he does contact anyone then reinforce the limits and set up safeguards to prevent further contact. I can tell you that your family will find a new normal and this will some day be distant history. [/QUOTE]
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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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