Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I think I've Found My People
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623293" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>You have found your people, Day. We are your people. So glad you are reading lots of posts. Writing will help you too, so start writing here and on other posts, your thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am sure you have good experience to share.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are not only dealing with your son but the system. It IS too much, and it's clear you need a break. Day, we are only human and we are not superhuman, but dealing with our difficult children requires superhuman everything. </p><p></p><p>I know I was like the walking dead at one time. I was completely sick and tired, and I mean that literally. That was a good day, looking back. That was the day I decided I could do THIS anymore and something had to change or I was going to lose my own life. </p><p></p><p>That was the day I started caring about myself as much as I do my son, who is 24.5. </p><p></p><p>I have been in a living hell with him for the past four+ years. The *fun* began when he went into 7th grade but it was very mild stuff through h.s., and I kept thinking he would grow out of it. He really ramped up (that I saw) when he was 19 to 20, and full-bore for the past few years.</p><p></p><p>Arrests, jail x ?, rehabs, homeless x 4, kicked out here x ?, kicked out dad's house x 2-3, no friends, no job, no money, no ID, wrecked car, defaulted student loan, multiple fines, misdemeanors, felonies, etc. etc. etc. </p><p></p><p>This is a kid (man) who had a very good home life, with 2 parents (we are divorced now but that happened in his senior year of h.s.), a brother, an upper middle class family with rules, curfews, dinner on the table, active in church. You name it. He had every opportunity but we expected things from him, a part-time job since he was 16, paying for his own gas and spending money, make good grades, do your homework, etc. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't like rules. </p><p></p><p>Today he is homeless and has been for 40+ days in the town right here where I live. He doesn't have a problem, Day. He doesn't need help. </p><p></p><p>Every day, I give him over to God. And then I give myself over to God. I can't do a thing to help him anymore. I have tried it ALL, over and over and over again. Nothing worked. I see him for about 10 minutes a week. We sit in the car and talk and it's good. He is calm, kind and we hug and say we love each other. He has lots of plans but I don't see them happening.</p><p></p><p>But you know what? It's none of my business. I spend time on my own recovery every day, in Al-Anon, using the tools, exercise, my faith, this board, etc. I have a plan to do that every day and I do it. That plan is what has saved my sanity and I have a very good life, regardless.</p><p></p><p>I hate drama now. I can't stand the drama and chaos and never-ending I wants but I don't want to anything myself from difficult children (and others in this world). If that is your schtick, then have at it, but you and I will see each other on a limited basis, friend/difficult child. I'm not into that anymore. </p><p></p><p>I'm into peace, contentment, serenity, joy and purpose. I love my son very much and that will never change. I am slowly learning how to have a relationship, such as it is, with him. I have to keep good physical distance right now, and then I can be loving and kind, which is what I want to be. </p><p></p><p>He will get it when he gets it, or he won't. It's his choice and I have learned there is so much help "out there" for people who want it, apart from their parents. But if they don't, there is nothing that will help.</p><p></p><p>I know your son is a minor and that puts a whole 'nother light on it. I do know that when we are at the end of our ropes, there has to be some relief. You will have to have relief, Day. Your first responsibility is to yourself. If you can't take care of yourself (job, sleep, some peace, etc) something needs to change now so you can.</p><p></p><p>Then, when you are rested, can think more clearly and can make a plan, you can deal more logically about what to do long-term with your son. Do something to buy that time for you. </p><p></p><p>You know Al-Anon, your post says, so I hope you are going very frequently right now. There was a time when I went to a meeting every day. My recovery progressed so much faster, the more I worked at it. It takes work and time and commitment to change, for us and for them.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and peace and rest I wish you today. Please keep coming back. We get it and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623293, member: 17542"] You have found your people, Day. We are your people. So glad you are reading lots of posts. Writing will help you too, so start writing here and on other posts, your thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am sure you have good experience to share. I am sorry you are not only dealing with your son but the system. It IS too much, and it's clear you need a break. Day, we are only human and we are not superhuman, but dealing with our difficult children requires superhuman everything. I know I was like the walking dead at one time. I was completely sick and tired, and I mean that literally. That was a good day, looking back. That was the day I decided I could do THIS anymore and something had to change or I was going to lose my own life. That was the day I started caring about myself as much as I do my son, who is 24.5. I have been in a living hell with him for the past four+ years. The *fun* began when he went into 7th grade but it was very mild stuff through h.s., and I kept thinking he would grow out of it. He really ramped up (that I saw) when he was 19 to 20, and full-bore for the past few years. Arrests, jail x ?, rehabs, homeless x 4, kicked out here x ?, kicked out dad's house x 2-3, no friends, no job, no money, no ID, wrecked car, defaulted student loan, multiple fines, misdemeanors, felonies, etc. etc. etc. This is a kid (man) who had a very good home life, with 2 parents (we are divorced now but that happened in his senior year of h.s.), a brother, an upper middle class family with rules, curfews, dinner on the table, active in church. You name it. He had every opportunity but we expected things from him, a part-time job since he was 16, paying for his own gas and spending money, make good grades, do your homework, etc. He doesn't like rules. Today he is homeless and has been for 40+ days in the town right here where I live. He doesn't have a problem, Day. He doesn't need help. Every day, I give him over to God. And then I give myself over to God. I can't do a thing to help him anymore. I have tried it ALL, over and over and over again. Nothing worked. I see him for about 10 minutes a week. We sit in the car and talk and it's good. He is calm, kind and we hug and say we love each other. He has lots of plans but I don't see them happening. But you know what? It's none of my business. I spend time on my own recovery every day, in Al-Anon, using the tools, exercise, my faith, this board, etc. I have a plan to do that every day and I do it. That plan is what has saved my sanity and I have a very good life, regardless. I hate drama now. I can't stand the drama and chaos and never-ending I wants but I don't want to anything myself from difficult children (and others in this world). If that is your schtick, then have at it, but you and I will see each other on a limited basis, friend/difficult child. I'm not into that anymore. I'm into peace, contentment, serenity, joy and purpose. I love my son very much and that will never change. I am slowly learning how to have a relationship, such as it is, with him. I have to keep good physical distance right now, and then I can be loving and kind, which is what I want to be. He will get it when he gets it, or he won't. It's his choice and I have learned there is so much help "out there" for people who want it, apart from their parents. But if they don't, there is nothing that will help. I know your son is a minor and that puts a whole 'nother light on it. I do know that when we are at the end of our ropes, there has to be some relief. You will have to have relief, Day. Your first responsibility is to yourself. If you can't take care of yourself (job, sleep, some peace, etc) something needs to change now so you can. Then, when you are rested, can think more clearly and can make a plan, you can deal more logically about what to do long-term with your son. Do something to buy that time for you. You know Al-Anon, your post says, so I hope you are going very frequently right now. There was a time when I went to a meeting every day. My recovery progressed so much faster, the more I worked at it. It takes work and time and commitment to change, for us and for them. Hugs and peace and rest I wish you today. Please keep coming back. We get it and we care. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I think I've Found My People
Top